Part 31 (1/2)

She turned very pale and, as he stopped with a start, she cried:

”Oh, master, master, you have not given up that dreadful idea, then?

I can see in your eyes that you are hiding something from me, that you have a thought which you no longer share with me. But if I go away and you should die, who will be here then to protect your work?”

Thinking that she had become reconciled, to the idea of her departure, he had the strength to answer gaily:

”Do you suppose that I would allow myself to die without seeing you once more. I will write to you, of course. You must come back to close my eyes.”

Now she burst out sobbing, and sank into a chair.

”My G.o.d! Can it be! You wish that to-morrow we should be together no longer, we who have never been separated!”

From this day forth Pascal seemed more engrossed than ever in his work. He would sit for four or five hours at a time, whole mornings and afternoons, without once raising his head. He overacted his zeal.

He would allow no one to disturb him, by so much as a word. And when Clotilde would leave the room on tiptoe to give an order downstairs or to go on some errand, he would a.s.sure himself by a furtive glance that she was gone, and then let his head drop on the table, with an air of profound dejection. It was a painful relief from the extraordinary effort which he compelled himself to make when she was present; to remain at his table, instead of going over and taking her in his arms and covering her face with sweet kisses. Ah, work! how ardently he called on it as his only refuge from torturing thoughts. But for the most part he was unable to work; he was obliged to feign attention, keeping his eyes fixed upon the page, his sorrowful eyes that grew dim with tears, while his mind, confused, distracted, filled always with one image, suffered the pangs of death. Was he then doomed to see work fail now its effect, he who had always considered it of sovereign power, the creator and ruler of the world? Must he then throw away his pen, renounce action, and do nothing in future but exist? And tears would flow down his white beard; and if he heard Clotilde coming upstairs again he would seize his pen quickly, in order that she might find him as she had left him, buried seemingly in profound meditation, when his mind was now only an aching void.

It was now the middle of September; two weeks that had seemed interminable had pa.s.sed in this distressing condition of things, without bringing any solution, when one morning Clotilde was greatly surprised by seeing her grandmother, Felicite, enter. Pascal had met his mother the day before in the Rue de la Banne, and, impatient to consummate the sacrifice, and not finding in himself the strength to make the rupture, he had confided in her, in spite of his repugnance, and begged her to come on the following day. As it happened, she had just received another letter from Maxime, a despairing and imploring letter.

She began by explaining her presence.

”Yes, it is I, my dear, and you can understand that only very weighty reasons could have induced me to set my foot here again. But, indeed, you are getting crazy; I cannot allow you to ruin your life in this way, without making a last effort to open your eyes.”

She then read Maxime's letter in a tearful voice. He was nailed to an armchair. It seemed he was suffering from a form of ataxia, rapid in its progress and very painful. Therefore he requested a decided answer from his sister, hoping still that she would come, and trembling at the thought of being compelled to seek another nurse. This was what he would be obliged to do, however, if they abandoned him in his sad condition.

And when she had finished reading the letter she hinted that it would be a great pity to let Maxime's fortune pa.s.s into the hands of strangers; but, above all, she spoke of duty; of the a.s.sistance one owed to a relation, she, too, affecting to believe that a formal promise had been given.

”Come, my dear, call upon your memory. You told him that if he should ever need you, you would go to him; I can hear you saying it now. Was it not so, my son?”

Pascal, his face pale, his head slightly bent, had kept silence since his mother's entrance, leaving her to act. He answered only by an affirmative nod.

Then Felicite went over all the arguments that he himself had employed to persuade Clotilde--the dreadful scandal, to which insult was now added; impending want, so hard for them both; the impossibility of continuing the life they were leading. What future could they hope for, now that they had been overtaken by poverty? It was stupid and cruel to persist longer in her obstinate refusal.

Clotilde, standing erect and with an impenetrable countenance, remained silent, refusing even to discuss the question. But as her grandmother tormented her to give an answer, she said at last:

”Once more, I have no duty whatever toward my brother; my duty is here.

He can dispose of his fortune as he chooses; I want none of it. When we are too poor, master shall send away Martine and keep me as his servant.”

Old Mme. Rougon wagged her chin.

”Before being his servant it would be better if you had begun by being his wife. Why have you not got married? It would have been simpler and more proper.”

And Felicite reminded her how she had come one day to urge this marriage, in order to put an end to gossip, and how the young girl had seemed greatly surprised, saying that neither she nor the doctor had thought of it, but that, notwithstanding, they would get married later on, if necessary, for there was no hurry.

”Get married; I am quite willing!” cried Clotilde. ”You are right, grandmother.”

And turning to Pascal:

”You have told me a hundred times that you would do whatever I wished.

Marry me; do you hear? I will be your wife, and I will stay here. A wife does not leave her husband.”

But he answered only by a gesture, as if he feared that his voice would betray him, and that he should accept, in a cry of grat.i.tude, the eternal bond which she had proposed to him. His gesture might signify a hesitation, a refusal. What was the good of this marriage _in extremis_, when everything was falling to pieces?