Part 34 (2/2)

'You want me to say congratulations?' she asks.

It is traditional. 'I don't mind. I just wanted you to hear it from me.'

'Everything has turned out OK for you, hasn't it, Bella?' She doesn't sound thrilled about this.

'I understand things are good for you and Stevie too,' I point out.

'Oh, they are,' she says, with a gush of genuine enthusiasm, then she checks herself and adds, 'no thanks to you.'

'I suppose not.'

This conversation is agony. No matter how many times I'd prepared for it with my counsellor or practised it in my head I could not have antic.i.p.ated how bad Laura is making me feel. In the past, we only ever made each other happy.

A fat tear falls on to the magazine that is propped, unopened, on my knee. Oh G.o.d, I am so weepy at the moment. I really don't want to cry in front of her. That would be so mortifying, so indulgent.

'Are you crying?' she demands.

'Yes,' I mutter, reluctantly.

'Are you pregnant?' she asks, with the intuition of a best friend.

'Maybe,' I admit. I snuffle and laugh down the phone. 'You're the first person I've told, I haven't even done a test yet and I haven't mentioned it to Phil. I didn't want to get his hopes up but-'

'Oh my G.o.d, that's amazing!' Laura laughs. 'Isn't it?' she adds, a little more cautiously, but reasonably, considering the views I've articulated to her on motherhood in the past. The conversation is a rollercoaster. Neither of us is sure of the other, but we are heading in the right direction. I'm not certain how long I need to apologize for; Laura is not firm about how long she needs to stay angry with me.

'Yes, it is amazing. I really want to be pregnant,' I a.s.sure her and I'm blubbering again. It might be at the idea of a baby and all that means or because I can hear genuine warmth in Laura's voice.

'But what about your course as a child psychologist?'

'Have you been keeping tabs on me?'

'Well, obviously,' she giggles.

'I'll still do the course even if I am pregnant. Part time, if necessary. It will take longer but people manage these things. You do your course, with Eddie and a job. I'll be fine. How is Eddie?'

'Really great.'

Dare I tell her that I miss him loads? Or did I relinquish that right?

Suddenly, we have run out of things to say. I could ask what her plans are for Christmas or how things are at the surgery, but in this case I think small talk would do more harm than good. We both know what I need to say.

'I'm sorry.'

'Yes, I imagine you are.'

We hesitate, allowing those two sentences to settle into our history.

'So, you're off to Australia.' I try to inject as much eagerness as I can into my comment. The thought of her leaving makes me feel incredibly sad but I can see why it's the right thing for her to do.

'Yes.'

'Do you think we might e-mail?'

I don't want to lose contact with her. Bella Edwards has spent a lifetime losing people and leaving people behind but I suddenly want to hold on to Laura, very tightly. 'We've got so much history,' I mutter.

'In this case I think there might be too much history,' says Laura. 'I still can't quite believe that you were once married to my Stevie.'

'It was a long time ago. Everything changes. We've moved on,' I remind her.

'I'm beginning to get that,' she admits. 'I'll say one thing. It's been one h.e.l.l of a ride knowing you, Bella.'

I don't know what to say. Am I consigned to the past tense for her? 'We'll send each other Christmas cards, though? Hey? And photos of Eddie and Baby Edwards, as and when?' I ask desperately.

'That would be OK,' concedes Laura. She adds, 'I think you'll have a girl.'

'Or a boy,' I suggest.

'Yes.' Laura giggles again. We've both always thought old wives' tales for predicting a baby's s.e.x were ridiculous. I mean, it's going to be one or the other, isn't it?

'I know it can never be the same,' I state. 'I've made that impossible.'

'It would be difficult. I can't imagine inviting you and Phil over to visit me and Stevie.'

'No. But, wherever you are, Laura, I hope you're happy.'

'Yes, you too.' And now Laura sounds as though she's choked up as well. 'Before you ask, I'm not pregnant,' she sniffles down the line, 'just moved.'

We talk for a few minutes more. We chat about Eddie, my counsellor, whether she is going to sell or lease her flat, about our plans for Christmas. I ask her what haulage company she's using because I know someone who is in the business who can probably do her a deal. We amble in and out of the conversation the way we have, almost daily, for the last three years.

And finally we say goodbye. And I don't know if that's the end, or just the beginning of another chapter.

Glossary of Australian terms Australian English Beaut Marvellous Beauty Marvellous person Bewdy Wonderful Bezzie Best Big bikkies Worth a lot of money Bit of a yarn Chat Bogan Stupid or uncouth Brekkie/brekky Breakfast Bull Not true Bushed Tired.

Nice person Cheer'n Happy Chockers Full Cozzie.

Swimming costume Crash hot Very good or well Cubby Child's playhouse Daks Trousers Dig Like Dork Idiot Drive the porcelain bus Vomit in the loo (after too much to drink) Drongo Idiot Dunny Loo Fair d.i.n.k.u.m Cannot be faulted Flips his lid Loses his temper Friggn' A Excellent G'day h.e.l.lo Give it a bash Have a go.

Good as gold It's very good Hoe into To tackle or attack energetically Humdinger.

Big row Imbo Imbecile It's gold It's very good Jim-jams Pyjamas.

Kick on Stay and party Kindie Nursery King hit To hit or punch someone forcefully, usually from behind Lame-brained Stupid Larrikin Wild, unruly Legend Nice person Let me have a squiz Let me have a look Lob-in To arrive unexpectedly Mank.

Drunk Mind your own bizzo Mind your own business Narky.

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