Part 26 (2/2)

'Stay with Laura. I'll be fine, really, it's nothing.'

He drops back into his sun lounger, defeated, and watches Bella as she heads for the hotel.

'Do you think-'

'What?' I ask.

'Oh, nothing.' He waves to a waiter and orders two G&Ts. I don't object, despite my plans to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tonight. That conversation has left me in need of a drink. We are lost in our own thoughts and say nothing to one another until the drinks arrive. Philip picks up his drink and swizzles the ice around his gla.s.s. I know something is bugging him when he fails to say cheers. Philip is a stickler for form and has impeccable manners.

'Do you think Bella is OK?' he asks.

I glance in the direction she bolted. 'Yeah, she'll be apples. She doesn't like the sun much. She just needs to cool down, like she said.'

'You don't think she's been behaving oddly recently?'

'No.' My answer is automatic and not absolutely honest. She has been behaving like an impossible sn.o.b with her loathing of Elvis impersonators and all a.s.sociated, but that's not something I'd feel comfortable discussing with Philip.

'If there was anything wrong and she'd confided in you, would you tell me?' he asks.

The truthful answer to this question is, 'No.' I'm not sure if keeping my best friend's secrets makes me a terrible person or an excellent one.

'Of course,' I lie because Bella hasn't confided anything in me so this is an academic exercise. It's on a par with your boyfriend flipping his lid because you want a free pa.s.s to sleep with Robbie Williams or some other A-lister. It's daft, since there's no real possibility of it happening.

'Can I talk to you about something?' asks Philip.

'Fire away.' He doesn't and I listen to the people around us having a good time, splas.h.i.+ng, laughing, chatting. Phil's stillness is heightened by contrast.

Eventually he says, 'Look, I don't want you to think I'm crazy but, well, I wouldn't have said anything except I thought you might understand.'

'What?'

'That thing you said about watching other women all the time... well, I do it.'

'Philip!' I'm shocked and don't bother to hide it.

'Not other women,' he adds hastily. 'Other men.'

'Philip!' I'm doubly shocked.

'Not for me. I watch and monitor through jealousy.'

'You what?' I start to laugh, which possibly isn't the empathetic and sensitive reaction Philip was hoping for.

'I think Bella is having an affair.'

I stare at him with disbelief. 'You're losing your mind,' I declare flatly.

Philip stares at me, evidently longing for rea.s.surance. He looks like I often did when I asked Oscar to come up with innocent explanations for late nights in the office and lost weekends. I'm overwhelmed with pity and want to a.s.sure Phil that he has nothing to fear from Bella on that front. His case is quite unlike mine was with Oscar.

Simultaneously, I'm also pretty miffed with him for being so ludicrous. 'Bella is devoted to you. She would never stray.'

'I always thought so but she's been so edgy and secretive recently. She keeps making calls when I'm in the shower or hanging up when I walk into the room.'

'Who does she say she's calling?'

'Amelie.'

'Well, in that case she'll be calling Amelie, probably about watering the plants or something a.n.a.l. You know what a perfectionist Bella is.'

'I'd hoped this trip would be an opportunity for Bella and me to talk. I know something is bothering her and has been for a while. I wanted to find out what it is and put it right with her but she won't talk to me. I've tried.'

'Maybe she's considering her next steps. You know, her career and everything. I think she wants to work it all out for herself without anyone's help. She's always been independent. That's her style. She is supposed to be having time off to do some thinking, isn't she?'

Philip shrugs sadly. 'Maybe. I have considered that, but she is so distant and strange. The truth is I miss her. I sense she's keeping a secret from me.'

'It's nearly your fortieth birthday. No doubt she has secrets,' I point out.

'But she's moody, tearful and melancholic. She keeps calling off whenever we four are due to meet up, saying she's tired. Have you ever known Bella to prefer to lounge around in her room rather than go out to play? And last night she didn't come to bed either. She sat downstairs and had a drink at the bar in the garden.'

'And that's it? That's your evidence for thinking my best friend is having an affair?' I'm mortally offended for Bella and p.i.s.sed off at Philip. When did he turn into such a doubting Thomas?

'It's more evidence than you have to suspect Stevie, yet you're suspicious of him.'

'Yes, and you think I'm being ridiculous,' I argue crossly. I instantly realize that part of me is narky with myself. Having heard Philip's paranoid ramblings I'm embarra.s.sed by my own: lack of trust is horrible to witness in a relations.h.i.+p. I'm also fed up because I know I am a bit circ.u.mspect about the longevity of relations.h.i.+ps, but I mean my relations.h.i.+ps, I firmly believe other people might thrive and I'm depressed to be faced with Philip's qualms.

Philip can see my outrage and is hurried into an uncharacteristic confession. 'She's gone off s.e.x,' he mumbles into his gla.s.s.

I give this piece of information the consideration it deserves. I know it will have cost Philip dearly to confide such a thing. The truth is Bella has been acting weirdly for a number of weeks. She's been snippy with me and Amelie but I'd put it all down to my meeting Stevie. Evidently that's not so. Suddenly it dawns on me.

'Oh my G.o.d, Philip!' I yell. I can hardly believe I haven't worked this out before. It's so obvious. All the pieces fall together. 'Don't you see? She's moody, secretive, exhausted and a bit lackl.u.s.tre in the bedroom?' Philip raises his gaze and waits for me to spell it out. 'Phil, you're going to be a daddy.'

40. Suspicious Minds.

Philip.

Could Laura be right? Well technically, of course she could. It's possible... Is it probable? Who knows? Maybe. I hum to myself as I shave and shower. Bella lies on the bed flicking through a million satellite TV channels, none of which seem to hold her attention. I watch her from the bathroom, as the door is ajar. There's a large tin of jelly beans on the bedside table she's eaten two thirds plus she's munched her way through a gigantic packet of crisps and half a Hershey bar. She doesn't even like Hershey bars could this be the start of eating for two? Shouldn't she be eating fish or broccoli, something with more nutritional value and less gelatin?

As I towel myself dry I reflect on the past couple of months in light of Laura's suggestion. Pregnancy would explain the mood swings and her resistance to settling on a career. She obviously doesn't want to get her teeth into something only to have to start all over again. It would explain why she didn't want to come on this trip some women are nervous of flying in the early stages and why she's given up the booze; I did think a holiday was an odd time to ditch the poison. It would also explain why she hasn't bought any clothes this holiday and the dizzy spell by the pool.

But if she's pregnant, why wouldn't she tell me?

She's probably just being considerate to Stevie and Laura. She won't want to steal their thunder, this trip is supposed to be about them, not us. Isn't that just typically sweet of Bella?

The more I think about it, the more I see that it makes absolute sense. I am light-headed with relief and joy. It's now ridiculous to think that last night I lay alone in bed and dwelt on terrible, ugly thoughts. How could I have imagined she was having an affair? Madness. We're in the desert for G.o.d's sake; the only people she knows in the state of Nevada are Laura, Stevie and me.

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