Volume Ii Part 75 (1/2)
”You will think me very foolish, Mr. Carleton ? I am ashamed of myself ? but I have lived here so long in this way ? my spirits have grown so quieted by different things, that it seems, sometimes, as if I could not bear anything ? I am afraid” ?
”Of what, my dear Elfie?”
But she did not answer, and her tears came again.
”You are weary and spent,” he said, gently, repossessing himself of one of her hands. ”I will ask you another time what you are afraid of, and rebuke all your fears.”
”I deserve nothing but rebuke now,” said Fleda.
But her hand knew, by the gentle and quiet clasp in which it lay, that there was no disposition to give it.
”Do not speak to me for a minute,” she said, hastily, as she heard some one coming.
She went to the window, and stood there looking out, till Mr.
Carleton came to bid her good-bye.
”Will you permit me to say to Mrs. Evelyn,” he said, in a low tone, ”that you left a piece of your property in her house, and have commissioned me to bring it you?”
”Yes,” said Fleda, hesitating, and looking a little confused; ”but ? will you let me write a note instead, Mr. Carleton?”
”Certainly! ? but what are you thinking of, Elfie? what grave doubt is lying under your brow?”
All Fleda's shadows rolled away before that clear, bright eye.
”I have found by experience,” she said, smiling a little, but looking down, ”that whenever I tell my secret thoughts to anybody, I have some reason afterwards to be sorry for it.”
”You shall make me an exception to your rule, however, Elfie.”
Fleda looked up, one of her looks, half questioning, half fearing, and then answered, a little hesitating ?
”I was afraid, Sir, that if you went to Mrs. Evelyn's on that errand ? I was afraid you would show them you were displeased.”
”And what then?” said he, quietly.
”Only ? that I wanted to spare them what always gives me a cold chill.”
”Gives you!” said Mr. Carleton.
”No, Sir ? only by sympathy ? I thought my agency would be the gentlest.”
”I see I was right,” she said, looking up, as he did not answer; ”but they don't deserve it ? not half so much as you think. They talk ? they don't know what. I am sure they never meant half they said ? never meant to annoy me with it, I mean ? and I am sure they have a true love for me ? they have shown it in a great many ways. Constance, especially, never showed me anything else. They have been very kind to me; and as to letting me come away as they did, I suppose they thought I was in a greater hurry to get home than I really was; and they would very likely not have minded travelling so themselves; I am so different from them, that they might in many things judge me by themselves, and yet judge far wrong.”
Fleda was going on, but she suddenly became aware that the eye to which she was speaking had ceased to look at the Evelyns, even in imagination, and she stopped short.
”Will you trust me, after this, to see Mrs. Evelyn without the note?” said he, smiling.
But Fleda gave him her hand, very demurely, without raising her eyes again, and he went.
Barby, who had come in to clear away the table, took her stand at the window to watch Mr. Carleton drive off. Fleda had retreated to the fire. Barby looked in silence till the sleigh was out of sight.