Volume Ii Part 18 (1/2)
The next day Fleda ran away, and spent a good part of the morning with her uncle in the library, looking over new books, among which she found herself quite a stranger, so many had made their appearance since the time when she had much to do with libraries or book stores. Living friends, male and female, were happily forgotten in the delighted acquaintance- making with those quiet companions, which, whatever their deficiencies in other respects, are at least never importunate nor variable. Fleda had come home rather late, and was dressing for dinner, with Constance's company and help, when Mrs. Evelyn came into her room.
”My dear Fleda,” said the lady, her face and voice as full as possible of fun, ”Mr. Carleton wants to know if you will ride with him this afternoon. I told him I believed you were, in general, shy of gentlemen that drove their own horses; that I thought I had noticed you were; but I would come up and see.”
”Mrs. Evelyn! ? you did not tell him that?”
”He said he was sorry to see you looked pale yesterday when he was asking you; and he was afraid that embroidery is not good for you. He thinks you are a very charming girl ?”
And Mrs. Evelyn went off into little fits of laughter, which unstrung all Fleda's nerves. She stood absolutely trembling.
”Mamma, don't plague her!” said Constance. ”He didn't say so.”
”He did! ? upon my word!” said Mrs. Evelyn, speaking with great difficulty ? ”he said she was very charming, and it might be dangerous to see too much of her.”
”You made him say that, Mrs. Evelyn,” said Fleda, reproachfully.
”Well, I did ask him if you were not very charming, but he answered ? without hesitation,” said the lady ? ”I am only so afraid that Lot will make his appearance ?”
Fleda turned round to the gla.s.s, and went on arranging her hair, with a quivering lip.
”Lot! Mamma,” said Constance, somewhat indignantly.
”Yes,” said Mrs. Evelyn, in ecstasies; ”because the land will not bear both of them. But Mr. Carleton is very much in earnest for his answer, Fleda, my dear ? what shall I tell it him? You need be under no apprehensions about going ? he will perhaps tell you that you are charming, but I don't I think he will say anything more. You know, he is a kind of patriarch; and when I asked him if he didn't think it might be dangerous to see too much of you, he said he thought it might to some people, so, you see, you are safe.”
”Mrs. Evelyn, how could you use my name so?” said Fleda, with a voice that carried a good deal of reproach.
”My dear Fleda, shall I tell him you will go? You need not be afraid to go riding, only you must not let yourself be seen walking with him.”
”I shall not go, Ma'am,” said Fleda, quietly.
”I wanted to send Edith with you, thinking it would be pleasanter; but I knew Mr. Carleton's carriage would hold but two to-day. So what shall I tell him?”
”I am not going, Ma'am,” repeated Fleda.
”But what shall I tell him? I must give him some reason. Shall I say that you think a sea-breeze is blowing, and you don't like it? or shall I say that prospects are a matter of indifference to you?”
Fleda was quite silent, and went on dressing herself with trembling fingers.
”My dear Fleda,” said the lady, bringing her face a little into order, ”wont you go? I am very sorry ?”
”So am I sorry,” said Fleda. ”I can't go, Mrs. Evelyn.”
”I will tell Mr. Carleton you are very sorry,” said Mrs.
Evelyn, every line of her face drawing again ? ”that will console him; and let him hope that you will not mind sea- breezes by and by, after you have been a little longer in the neighbourhood of them. I will tell him you are a good republican, and have an objection, at present, to an English equipage, but I have no doubt that is a prejudice which will wear off.”
She stopped to laugh, while Fleda had the greatest difficulty not to cry. The lady did not seem to see her disturbed brow; but recovering herself after a little, though not readily, she bent forward and touched her lips to it in kind fas.h.i.+on. Fleda did not look up, and saying again, ”I will tell him, dear Fleda,” Mrs. Evelyn left the room.
Constance, after a little laughing and condoling, neither of which Fleda attempted to answer, ran off, too, to dress herself; and Fleda, after finis.h.i.+ng her own toilette, locked her door, sat down, and cried heartily. She thought Mrs.
Evelyn had been, perhaps unconsciously, very unkind; and to say that unkindness has not been meant, is but to s.h.i.+ft the charge from one to another vital point in the character of a friend, and one, perhaps, sometimes not less grave. A moment's pa.s.sionate wrong may consist with the endurance of a friends.h.i.+p worth having, better than the thoughtlessness of obtuse wits that can never know how to be kind. Fleda's whole frame was still in a tremor from disagreeable excitement, and she had serious causes of sorrow to cry for. She was sorry she had lost what would have been a great pleasure in the ride ?
and her great pleasures were not often ? but nothing would have been more impossible than for her to go after what Mrs.
Evelyn had said. She was sorry Mr. Carleton should have asked her twice in vain ? what must he think? ? she was exceeding sorry that a thought should have been put into her head that never before had visited the most distant dreams of her imagination, so needlessly, so gratuitously ? she was very sorry, for she could not be free of it again, and she felt it would make her miserably hampered and constrained, in mind and manner both, in any future intercourse with the person in question. And then again, what would he think of that? Poor Fleda came to the conclusion that her best place was at home, and made up her mind to take the first good opportunity of getting there.