Part 14 (1/2)

coverage from Hurricane Jan, which has been decimating the coast of Trinidad! So we watched that for a while, and then I don't know what happened, I must have had too much Sudafed, but the next thing I knew, he was saying good night and that he'd see me tomorrow, and when I woke up again he was gone, and it was night, and he had done all the dishes. Not just the dishes from the soup and juice and stuff. ALL the dishes that had been in my sink were washed and sitting in the drying rack. For a minute I totally thought I was hallucinating, but this morning they were still there. Nadine, he did my dishes while I was unconscious, and probably snoring, due to my ma.s.sive nasal congestion. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard? I mean EVER???? I've never had a man do my dishes before. Well, that's all. I just wanted to brag. I still feel like total crud, though, so I don't know when I'll be back at work. Is Xena where she's supposed to be? What do you think he did with her? G.o.d, I am so glad we broke up. What a WEIRDO!

Mel PS Just because I'm sick is no reason for you to skip spinning.

To: Mel Fuller < From: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < Subject: Well?

Which was it, boxers or briefs? Don't leave me in suspense here, Fuller.

Nad ;-)

To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < From: Mel Fuller < Subject: Duh Boxers.

Really cute ones, too, with little golf b.a.l.l.s on them.

M ;-).

To: George Sanchez < From: Mel Fuller < Subject: My health Dear George, I am still sick. I won't be coming in today, and probably not tomorrow, either.

Don't get mad, George. I know this is a busy time, what with all the parties out in the Hamptons, but what am I supposed to do? I took advantage of my fabulous healthcare package yesterday, and went to a doctor. You know what he prescribed? Bed rest and fluids. Bed rest and fluids, George! I won't be able to get that in the Hamptons. I mean, Dolly could, of course, but not me. Besides, I'm sure the doctor didn't mean those kind of fluids. Tell Ronnie that I don't believe that thing about George and Winona in Cannes, and that she had better check with their publicists before she runs it. He is way too old for her.

Mel

PS Don't forget to tell Amy Jenkins that I'm out sick again, not late.

PPS Is my Xena Warrior Princess action figure back?

To: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < From: Tony Salerno < Subject: Mel

What are you, online again? I've been trying to get through to you for like an hour. And I KNOW you aren't talking to Mel, because I was just there.

And I wasn't the only one who was there, either. One guess as to who opened the door when I knocked: Yep, you're right, Mr. Perfect himself.

Actually, I shouldn't call him that. I kind of like the guy. He's like normal, you know?

Not like that freak Spender. Remember when you and me and Mel and Spender went out that one time, and he went off on cops? Man, that burned me. I shut him up pretty quick, didn't I, when I told him four of my cousins were with the NYPD? At least this new guy doesn't talk c.r.a.p like Spender used to.

Anyway, so I delivered the stuff, like you wanted, and John answered the door, and at first I was pretty embarra.s.sed, let me tell you. I thought I'd like interrupted some kind of s.e.x thing, you know. But the guy had his clothes on, and he was like, Come on in.

And there was Mel, in these weird white pajamas with black splotches on them, like a cow, and she was in bed, but she didn't look very sick, if you ask me. They were watching a movie. Apparently, since she's been sick, they've been doing this quite a lot.

He brings over some food--nothing, I must say, up to my standards, but edible, anyway-- and they watch movies. I don't know. Does that make it serious? There was no hanky panky, as far as I could tell. I mean, there was tons of Kleenex on the floor, but I'm pretty sure that was from Mel's runny nose, and not, you know, anything else.

Hey, don't get mad at me. I'm just the messenger here. So I was like, Here's the stuff from work, plus I made you a peach cobbler, and of course Mel totally freaked, because like any

decent gourmand, she recognizes that my peach cobbler is a gift from the G.o.ds, and she insisted we all have some, and so John took it and dished it out, and I sort of got the impression he knew his way around Mel's kitchen, which is saying something, because you know she keeps her Tupperware in the oven and there's that thing she has with the beer in the vegetable crispers. Anyway, he put these big globs of vanilla ice cream on it, which as you know, sullies the purity of the cobbler's texture. But whatever. We all sat on the bed and ate it, and I have to admit, even if I do say so myself, it was the best peach cobbler ever created, in spite of the ice cream.

So I tried watching the movie for a while because Mel said stay, but I could tell even though she said stay, he was like, When is he going to leave? in a major way, so I said I had to get back to work, and Mel said thanks and that she was feeling better and would be back to work on Monday, and I was all, Okay, and John walked me to the door and was like, Nice seeing you again, good bye and practically shut it in my face. I guess I can't blame him. I was the same way when you and I first started going out. Except I never would have let you buy pajamas like that. Doesn't Mel own any lingerie? Well, in spite of the pajamas, I'm telling you, the guy's got it bad. Way worse than Spender ever did.

And I suppose that, as usual, Mel has no idea, has she? Don't you think somebody ought to tell her?

T.

To: Tony Salerno < From: Nadine Wilc.o.c.k < Subject: Mel

Now who isn't picking up his phone?

I a.s.sume you're out front, dazzling the customers with your salmon tartar on endive.

Anyway, thanks for taking that stuff to Mel. So he was there again, huh? He was over last night, too. I think you're right: he has got it bad. But then, so has she.

G.o.d, I wish they would just DO IT and get it over with. And no, I do not think either of them need our help. No one helped us, did they? And we turned out all right.

You didn't tell Mel I skipped spinning, did you?

Nad

PS There's only one person's lingerie needs that you should be concerning yourself with, mister, and those are mine. What Mel Fuller wears to bed is her business. And I bought her those cow pajamas for her last birthday. I think they're cute.