Part 14 (2/2)

”No doubt there were many hards.h.i.+ps.”

Captain Rames was nettled.

”Yes, there were, Miss Daventry, a great many, and singularly unpleasant ones. I have been twenty-four hours in a sleeping-bag with two other men. The sleeping-bag was sewn up on the inside, it was within a tent, we were so close together that we could only turn round one at a time, and we smoked in the bag, and still we were deadly cold. And I hate being cold. Yes, there were hards.h.i.+ps, and though it's easy enough to remember them lightly here in the Admiralty, they were not delightful when they happened. But I should face them once more if I wanted to go back. Only I don't. I never want to see an ice-pack again as long as I live.”

The bluff confidence with which he spoke convinced Cynthia that it was not a fear of the hards.h.i.+ps which had affected him. There she had been wrong, and she made amends.

”I have no doubt the hards.h.i.+ps wouldn't deter you if you wanted to go,” she admitted. ”But what I don't understand is why you don't want to.” And a greater emphasis crept into her voice than she had meant to use, and gave to her words the wistfulness of an appeal. ”I should have thought,” she cried, ”that you could never have rested until you had finished what you had begun.”

”That's true to the letter,” he replied. ”That's why I am standing for Ludsey.”

Cynthia looked up at him in surprise.

”I don't think that I understand,” she said quietly, and she made room upon the couch at her side. Harry Rames took the place. The appeal in her voice was a flattery which he quite failed to understand. Though Cynthia was young, and though she walked no longer in her enchanted garden, something of that spirit of romance, which had guided her there, had revived in her of late. Captain Rames was one of the chosen men for whom the turnstile had revolved; now that she met him in the flesh she could not forget it. He was of her dreams, he had marched in the procession of heroes, and though disillusionment had come to her he still wore a look of the heroic in her thoughts. All the more because disillusionment had come to her she wished him to retain the look. Her appeal was a prayer that he should stamp it upon his image for good and all.

”May I explain it all to you?” he asked. He sat down beside her, and in answer to that gentle appeal of hers to make the best of himself, he drew for her clearly and succinctly and proudly the picture of a man on the make. ”I went South, first and last, to get on in the world,” he began. ”As I say, I was very glad to go. The journey was a great experience. Yes, three years of my life were very well spent upon it; but they were very well spent, not because the journey was a great experience, but because it is now the great help to me in getting on, which I always thought it was going to be.”

He took no notice of the disappointment gathering upon Cynthia's face.

He was not aware of it. Here was a girl of remarkable loveliness, wistfully appealing to him to explain the inner workings of his mind, and he was delighted to gratify her wish.

”I can hardly remember the time when I was not diligently looking for a chance to get on. I was poor, you see. I am so still, indeed. I had none of those opportunities which money commands. I had somehow to create or find them. There's a motto in gold letters above the clock in the great hall at Osborne, the first of all mottoes in its superb confidence:

”'There is nothing the navy cannot do.'”

Cynthia turned to him with eagerness.

”Yes,” she said with a smile. ”For a boy to have that plain and simple statement before his eyes each day, that's splendid. I suppose a boy would never speak of it, but it would be to him a perpetual inspiration.”

”Yes,” said Rames, ”if all he thought of was the navy; if his ambitions were bound up with the navy. But mine weren't, you see, and I used to worry over that sentence even then. 'There is nothing the navy cannot do.' Very well. But that didn't mean that this little particular, insignificant cog-wheel in the navy machine was going to do anything special, or, indeed, anything at all. And I wanted to do things--I myself, not the navy.”

”To do things?” Cynthia asked quietly, and her lips drooped a little at the corners, ”Or to become a personage?”

Captain Rames laughed good-humoredly.

”I can meet you there, Miss Daventry. There's no contradiction in the phrases. To become a personage is to secure the opportunity of doing things, and when you are a personage you soon find things which want doing. After all, how many of the great statesmen started out to be big men first. They had ideas, I grant you, but they had to make themselves big men by hook or by crook before they could carry them out. Look at Disraeli. I have been reading up these fellows. He did a lot of things. He got the Suez Ca.n.a.l shares. He is the author and begetter of the Imperial Idea. That's what you remember and admire him for. Yes; but don't forget his velvet trousers, and his habit of reciting his epic poems in the drawing-room after dinner. He set out first of all to be a personage. So do I in my small way. He chose velvet trousers and epic poems. I went down toward the South Pole. We each chose the path of least resistance.”

Cynthia was silenced, but not convinced. There must be hundreds of instances to confute him, only for the moment she could not remember any of them. And one quality in Captain Rames impressed her.

”You speak as if you had thought all these things out,” she said.

”I have had to,” he replied.

”I wonder that you went into the navy at all.”

”My father put me there,” he answered.

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