Part 24 (1/2)
”Nothing, nothing, Roger. She loves you as a brother. You have been very good to her. None of us forget that twice you saved her life.”
”Then why do you say she loathes me?”
”Can you not see what I mean? She does not loathe you as a brother; but she loathes the thought of your being her husband, and were you to insist on a marriage, you would kill her!”
”Why? You say she loves me as a brother; why, then, should the other thought be so terribly abhorrent? Could she not in time learn to give me more than a brother's love?”
”Never!”
”Why?”
”Because she loves another!”
”Another! Who?”
”Can you not guess?”
Guess! Ah, yes; I could indeed. Had I not seen it for weeks? My mother need not tell me more. I knew perfectly well.
”Surely you have seen that they have been lovers from childhood,” she went on. ”She has been all in all to him, while--well, you must have seen how she regarded him. He did not speak to her about it, however, until he came home from Oxford, and then, on the day of his arrival, he told her what he had felt for years.”
”And she?”
”She told him--that--what in short he had been longing to hear, and, although we knew it not, they became betrothed.”
It was what I had thought, it did not surprise me, and yet I felt sick and giddy. It was some time before I could speak, and then I could only stammer out:
”And she promised to be his wife?”
My mother nodded.
No words can describe what I felt, for never until then did I realise how I loved her, or what pain it was for me to lose her.
”Do you love Ruth very much, Roger?” asked mother.
”Love her!” I cried, ”love her! I would die for her.”
”And she loves Wilfred, and would never be happy away from him.”
I fought it down after a while; crushed all my envy, jealousy, and hatred--for hate did possess me for a time--and then turned to my mother again.
”Let Ruth and Wilfred be happy,” I said, ”I shall put in no claim, her happiness is more important than mine.”
”They cannot,” said my mother.
”Cannot!” I cried. ”Why?”
”Because it was her father's wish that she should marry Trewinion's heir, and she will do it, though she dies the next day.”
”I do not understand.”