Part 26 (1/2)

'No.'

'I'll tell you what happened,' Jim said. 'Coming to Mars, we knew there was always a chance we might catch an alien disease. Especially in light of how the Russians disappeared. Now an infection, as Lauren well knows, can be subtle. You can have a disease and not know it. In fact, you can have a disease that produces obvious symptoms and still not know that you're sick. The disease could be such that it makes you incapable of thinking you're ill. Am I right, Lauren?'

Her tone was cautious. 'In rare cases, yes.'

'The possibility existed when we set out for Mars that we could catch such a disease. How great the chances were, no one could say for sure. But look at what was at stake - the lives of five billion people. Every precaution had to be taken that we didn't return to Earth with an infection. In the Soviet Union they followed similar reasoning. The Russian s.h.i.+ps were equipped with devices that could completely destroy any infection.'

'What devices?' Lauren asked.

'The Karamazov, the orbiting Gorbachev, and the lander we have been unable to locate, all carry or carried thermonuclear war heads.'

'Jesus!' Gary exclaimed. 'That's what made this hole. Wait a second. How do you know that the Russian s.h.i.+ps have bombs aboard?'

'I a.s.sume that they do,' Jim said. 'I'm certain I'm right. It explains this hole. And, you see, we have a similar warhead aboard the Hawk.'

'What?' Gary cried.

'Tell me you're kidding,' Lauren said.

'We have a warhead,' Jim said. 'Bill and I have known about it since before we left. If at any time we feel we have caught an unusual infection, we are to contact Houston. They will study the disease, as we will study it here. But even if our symptoms disappear, we are never to return home. We could be carriers. The danger would be too great.'

'We're just supposed to blow ourselves up?' Lauren asked.

'Yes,' Jim said.

'Why wouldn't they just let us die here?' Lauren asked. 'Why the bomb?'

'The bomb is there in the event that some of us want to return and some don't,' Jim said.

'Where is it?' Gary asked.

'In the bas.e.m.e.nt - in the garage. It's well s.h.i.+elded. I don't know exactly how powerful it is.'

'Are you saying the Russians used their bomb,' Lauren asked 'and killed themselves intentionally?'

'Yes,' Jim said. 'More specifically, I think Commander Dmitri Maximov detonated it. Only the top two ranks of our crew knew about the Hawk's bomb. I imagine the Russians would have followed a similar procedure. Ivan was second in command. We know he didn't trigger it.'

'Why didn't NASA tell me?' Lauren asked. 'I'm the doctor.'

'You're also the youngest,' Jim said. 'It's very difficult to push a b.u.t.ton that you know will kill you.'

'I see,' Lauren said. 'So you feel Dmitri was convinced his crew was contaminated, and that he tried to stop the infection before it could spread to Earth?'

'Yes,' Jim said.

Gary sighed. He said it for all of them. 'That means we probably have the same disease. And that we can never go home.' There was a silence. The sun had set. Their own personal night was about to begin, Jim thought. It would be long. He spoke gently. 'Not necessarily. Perhaps this infection is localized, and spreads only through a specific mechanism.'

'There is something wrong with this whole theory,' Lauren said. 'How could Carl have caught the disease?'

'Yeah,' Gary said. 'And if Ivan was infected with this disease, and didn't give a d.a.m.n about the Earth, why didn't he try to return in the KaramazovT 'I will answer your question first, Gary,' Jim said. 'I think Dmitri sabotaged the Karamazov. That way he could lure all his crew to the other lander and blow them up. But Ivan must have been wary, and not fallen for the trap. That is my belief.'

'But what about Carl?' Lauren insisted. 'He never came down here. He couldn't have caught anything.'

'Are you sure?' Jim asked softly. The time had come to spill his heart.

'There is no germ that can cross two hundred miles of empty s.p.a.ce,' Lauren said.

Jim sighed. He knew it would all sound so crazy. He had to ask himself if he hadn't already caught something. 'The disease that infects this planet isn't physical,' he said.

'Huh?'Gary said.

'What do you mean?' Lauren asked anxiously.

'Hear me patiently, and with an open mind. Tourists in Western Europe often comment on the difference in the air when they cross from one country to the next, even just at the border. You walk a few feet, and even if your eyes are closed, you still know you're in a different country. People who travel report this all the time. But why? Is the reason psychological? That's a catch-all phrase that says nothing. I believe it's a perception of non-physical influences. These influences must exist. We don't have to - we shouldn't -delve into psychic phenomena to find them. They represent the most intimate aspects of our lives. We have hopes and dreams and thoughts. None of these could be located or explained by a physicist. There is an entire universe of forces we cannot perceive with our senses, or with any instrument man can build. Nevertheless, these forces exist, along with their effects. I have spent decades prowling through old ruins, and digging up the past. Often, sitting alone in those places late at night, I came to know the people who once lived there; what they were like, whether they were a proud people, a happy people, or a miserable and vicious people. Life is a mysterious thing. It has a quality that doesn't necessarily die when a people dies. Two miles beneath the Himalayas, I felt life. I felt goodness. Here there is another kind of power, a power that goes on and on, that never stops.'

'What the f.u.c.k are you talking about?' Lauren asked.

'A power,' Jim repeated, mostly to himself. 'Death. This planet is dead. But it does not rest easily. It is envious of us. It's trying to infect us.' He stopped himself. He hadn't meant to get so esoteric.

'Are you talking about Ivan?' Gary asked, confused.

Jim shook his head. 'I doubt if he can be put back together. But he could never have lived here for two years. We all know that. Why don't we face it?'

'Face what?' Lauren asked, sounding annoyed.

'Oh s.h.i.+t,' Gary said, burying his face in his hands. 'My nightmares are bad enough as they are.'

Jim nodded. 'We've all been having nightmares. We don't talk about them, though, and they never really scare us, not enough to drive us away. Quite the opposite. They add to the fascination of this planet. Many things do. Impressions in the sand that begin to look like footprints -if you look long enough. Ca.n.a.ls that flow only underground, but ca.n.a.ls that can still be seen from millions of miles away in a telescope if you look long enough. A cosmonaut who closes every window in his s.h.i.+p and then gouges out his eyes so that he won't have to look at Mars, so he won't have to see what Mars is doing to him. And what was Mars doing to him? It must have been something incredible, because when this same cosmonaut cut his throat, his blood didn't freeze, not even after floating around in a gigantic icebox for two years. Then there is the other cosmonaut who lives quite comfortably in an icebox for two years. But none of this makes you run away. You want to stay and investigate the mysteries. You're curious, of course, and you're also afraid if you don't figure things out, then the danger will remain, and wait for another day, another time.'

'Why don't we get out of here, Jim?' Gary asked suddenly, scared.

'None of this makes any sense,' Lauren protested. 'You can't get infected by something that doesn't physically exist. How could you?'

'I don't know,' Jim said. 'Yet.'

'I'm not curious,' Gary said. 'Let someone else find out what's happening. Let's just get the f.u.c.k out of here.'

'We can't,' Jim said.

'Why not?' Gary demanded. 'I can have us ready to blast off in half an hour.'

Jim took a breath. 'Because of Bill.'

'Talk to him,' Gary said. 'Tell him we're in danger of catching whatever the h.e.l.l you're talking about. He respects you. He'll listen.'

'No,' Lauren said softly, deadly. 'That's not what you meant, is it, Jim? You're saying Bill's like Ivan.'