Part 11 (2/2)

ANNE.

[Ill.u.s.tration: FACSIMILE OF ONE OF ANNE GILCHRIST'S LETTERS TO WALT WHITMAN]

[Ill.u.s.tration: FACSIMILE OF ONE OF ANNE GILCHRIST'S LETTERS TO WALT WHITMAN]

LETTER XXIX

ANNE GILCHRIST TO WALT WHITMAN

_1 Torriano Gardens Camden Rd., Nov. 16, 1875.

London_

I have been wanting the comfort of a talk with you, dearest Friend, for weeks & weeks, without being able to get leisure & tranquillity enough to do it to my heart's content--indeed, heart's content is not for me at present--but restless, eager, longing to come--& the struggle to do patiently & completely & wisely what remains for me here before I am free to obey the deep faith and love which govern me--so let me sit close beside you, my Darling--& feel your presence & take comfort & strength & serenity from it as I do, as I can when with all my heart & soul I draw close to you, realizing your living presence with all my might.--First, about Percy--things are beginning to look a little brighter for him. He is just entering upon a new engagement with some very large & successful works--the Blenavon Iron Co.--where, though his salary will not be higher at first, his opportunities of improvement will be better & he is also to be allowed to take private practice (in a.s.saying & a.n.a.lyzing). The manager there believes in Science & is friendly to Percy & will give him every facility for showing what he can do, so that he hopes to prove to the Directors before long that he is worth a good salary. The parents of Norah (whom he loves) have released from their unfriendly att.i.tude since my Beatrice has been staying with them; the two girls have attached themselves to one another & Per. has had delightful opportunities of being with Norah, & best of all, she is to return here with Beatrice (they are coming to-morrow), & Per. is to have a week's holiday & come up, so that he & Norah will be wholly together & have, I suspect, the happiest week they have yet had in their lives. Then I have stored away for them the furniture of the dear old home at Colne, & I really think that by the time '76 is out they will be able to marry. I see, and indeed I have known ever since he formed this attachment, that I must not look for him to come to America with me. But what I build upon, Dearest Friend, is that when I have been a little while in America & have made friends & had time to look about me I might hear of a good certainty for him--his excellent training at the School of Mines, large experience at Blenavon, energy, ability, & st.u.r.dy uprightness will make him a first-rate manager of works by & bye.

But the leaving him so happy with his young wife will make it easier for us to part. _Nov. 26_--Beatrice has begun to work at anatomy at the School of Medicine for Women lately founded, & seems to delight in her work. She will not enter on the full course all at once--I am for taking things gently. Women have plenty of strength but it is of a different kind from men's & must work by gentler & slower means--Above all I do not like what pushes violently aside domestic duties & pleasures. The special work must combine itself with these; I am sure it can. Herby is getting on very nicely--never did student love his work better. He is eager, & by making the best use of present opportunities & advantages yet looking towards America full of cheerful hopes & sympathy. Grace is less developed in intellect but not less in character than the others. I can't describe her but send you her photograph. There is a freshness & independence of character about her--yet withal a certain waywardness & reserve. She is a good, instinctive judge of character--more influenced by it than by books--yet with a growing taste for them too. She comes to America with a gay and buoyant curiosity, declining to make up her mind about anything till she gets there. We want, as far as possible, to transplant our home bodily--to bring as much as we can of our own furniture because we have beautiful old things precious in Herby's eyes & that we are all fond of.

And [by] coming straight to Philadelphia & taking a house somewhere on the outskirts of it or Camden immediately we fancy this might be practicable, but have not yet launched into the matter. I have just heard from Mr.

Rossetti, and also from Mrs. Conway of her husband having seen you, & if his report be not too sanguine it is a cheering one & would comfort me much, dearest Friend. But what he says is so favourable I am afraid to believe it altogether, knowing that you would make the very best of yourself & indeed be probably at your best with the pleasure of seeing an old friend fresh from England. _Nov._ 30. And now, dear Friend, I have had a very great pleasure indeed, thanks to you--a visit from Mr. Marvin--& I hope to have another when he returns from Paris. And the account he gives of you is so cheerful--so vivid--it seems to part asunder a gloomy cloud that was brooding in my mind. And though I know that for the short hours that you feel bright & well are many long hours when you are far otherwise, still I feel sure those short hours are the earnest of perfect recovery--with a fine patience--boundless patience. And now I can picture you sitting in your favourite window, having a friendly word with pa.s.sers-by--& feel quite sure that you are happy & comfortable in your surroundings. And a great deal else full of interest Mr. Marvin told me. I was loth for him to go, but one hour is so small, we have noticed, for a friend, I am sorry to say.

William Rossetti has a little girl which is a great delight to him. Miss Hillard of Brooklyn has also paid me a visit & spoken to me of you. She charmed me much--only I felt a little cross with her for giving Herby such a dismal account of his chances as an artist in America. However, we both refused to be discouraged, for after all he can send his pictures to England to be established &c., having plenty of friends who would see to it; & we are both firm in the faith that if you can only paint the really good pictures the rest will take care of itself, somehow or other--& that can be done as well in America as in England, but of course he must finish his training here.

With best love from us all, good-bye, my dearest Friend.

ANNE GILCHRIST.

LETTER x.x.x

ANNE GILCHRIST TO WALT WHITMAN

_1 Torriano Gardens Camden Rd., London Dec. 4, 1875._

Though it is but a few days since I posted a letter, my dearest friend, I must write you again--because I cannot help it, my heart is so full--so full of love & sorrow & struggle. The day before yesterday I saw Mr.

Conway's printed account of you, & instead of the cheerful report I had been told of, he speaks of your having given up hope of recovery. Those words were like a sharp knife plunged into me--they choked me with bitter tears. _Don't give up that hope_ for the sake of those that so tenderly, pa.s.sionately, love you--would give their lives with joy for you. Why, who knows better than you how much hope & the will have to do with it, & I know quite well that the belief does not depress you--that you are ready to accept either lot with calmness, cheerfulness, perfect faith, perhaps with equal joy. But for all that, it does you harm. Ideas always have a tendency to accomplish themselves. And what right have the Doctors to utter gloomy prophecies? The wisest of them know the best how profoundly in the dark they are as to much that goes on within us, especially in maladies like yours. O cling to life with a resolute hold, my beloved, to bless us with your presence unspeakably dear, beneficent presence--me to taste of it before so very long now--thirsting, pining, loving me. Take through these poor words of mine some breath of the tender, tender, ineffable love that fills my heart and soul and body--take of it to strengthen the very springs of your life: it is capable of that; O its cheris.h.i.+ng warmth and joy, if it could only get to you, only fold you round close enough, would help, I know. Soon, soon as ever my boy has one to love & care for him all his own, I will come; I may not before, not if it should break my heart to stop away from you, for his welfare is my sacred charge & nearer & dearer than all to me. Verily, my G.o.d, strengthen me, comfort me, stay for me--let that have a little beginning on this dear earth which is for all eternity, which will live & grow immortally into a diviner reality than the heart of man has conceived.

I am well satisfied with Norah, dear Friend. She is very affectionate, loveable, prudent, & clear in all practical matters, well suited to Percy in tastes, &c.

Your own ANNIE.

LETTER x.x.xI

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