Part 32 (1/2)

'The loyalty of the trained soldier.'

'She understands, that's all.'

'And Chris? What about him? Can he forgive me?'

Bernice walked over and leant on the console. She chose her words carefully. 'He's had a bad time. It had to happen eventually - occupational hazard, you know. But I think he understands why you did what you did. He'll get over it. We all do.'

The Doctor nodded, but the haunted look didn't leave him.

made such a mess of things with you and Ace. I was dedicated to my mission, intent on untangling the timelines, on fulfilling my duties. I became so engrossed in that that I neglected the interpersonal dimension. I asked you to understand me but I never tried to understand you, or to even see what you were going through.' He looked away so that shadows masked his face. 'Ever since Ace left, since I had to replace her, I've known it could all happen again. Accusations, confrontations, distrust. I wanted to avoid it. That's why I didn't tell them about Detrios, even though I thought I could have made them understand. I can't afford to lose them.'

Bernice had followed his words in silence. It wasn't often Ile unburdened himself, and never like this. When he concluded, however, she bristled almost automatically. 'Why can't you 247 afford it? Because you value their friends.h.i.+p? Or is it just that they're important? To your mission, your games?'

'My games are important.'

'And you do what you have to. I know.'

'And do you understand?'

She didn't answer. She wasn't sure that she could.

The Doctor shook himself and returned to the controls. 'What we need now,' he mused, his voice brighter (but forced, Benny thought), 'is a vacation. Some rest and relaxation on Florana. Or maybe a trip to the Eye of Orion.' He glanced up and Benny was pleased to see a twinkle in his eye. 'We could visit Avalone, get the whole joint popping again.'

She reached and guided his hand from the console. 'I've a better idea. Why not a simple adventure for once? Run through your Great Plan, you must have an easy one lined up somewhere. We could find an injustice, put together a rebel army, lead the people against an unfair system and make sure that Good wins.'

'And they all live happily ever after?'

'How about it?'

The Doctor smiled, more genuinely now, and began to work again. 'I'm laying in random coordinates. I think that's best, don't you?'

She smiled back, understanding.

'Wherever we land,' he said, 'whatever we find . . . we'll do what's right.'

And finally, the Doctor slept: a rare occurrence, but he felt it was necessary. He took control of his dreams and strolled around the landscape of his psyche. He talked to his other selves: the librarian, the ferryman, even the one he had once crucified on the cross of his insensitivity. And they were worried. As worried as he was.

The remaining six gathered around the barrier. It had darkened to black but it still pulsed hatefully. They concentrated, pooling their minds and strengthening its substance, layer upon layer. They ignored the shouts of the one within; his threats that, one day, when the body's strength was 248 at its lowest, he would reach out from the recesses of the subconscious and seize it.

More than ever, it was imperative that the seventh Doctor should survive. A regeneration crisis might serve to free him.

The Doctor woke. It took a moment to reorient his senses, to remember that he was floating in the Zero Room's null-gravity environment. He lay still for a while and probed his own mind tentatively, to see if the danger had pa.s.sed. It had, for now.

There were still cracks in the barrier. That was inevitable. It was too late to repair them completely, but he could do something. There were still some ways to stave off the guilt, to begin to sew up some of the fractures.

The TARDIS was silent as he walked its corridors. Its occupants, he imagined, were sleeping off the hurts he had inflicted upon them. He remembered the confrontation in the crystal and he found it hard to deny the accusations which had been put.

He remembered his past self, transforming as they battled.