10 Chapter 9 (1/2)

At the end of the conversation, Lena's drink was already cold so I got a new one for her before making my way towards the elevator.

I was having a hard time keeping my mind straight, my head was spinning. I kept going back to the conversation earlier. I can't believe that Lena's family owns this hotel. I guess that explains how scared the front office staff were of her when she was mad. And how they all knew her, I feel kind of stupid for not realizing earlier.

But that wasn't what plagued my mind, it was something entirely different.

==

”She's… well, she 'was' sick.”

I shifted in my seat. What is he saying? ”Sick? What do you mean sick? Like a cold? The flu? Or what?” I couldn't believe it. She's sick? I don't know if I could go through that again. Memories of my father came flashing in my mind, how healthy he was, how happy and energetic. Then how frail he was in his last days, how helpless and feeble he looked lying on the hospital bed as he breathed his last breathe. No. I shook my head. I could smell the hospital, the stench that came with it. It smelled of bleach and death. I could hear the machine beeping, my mother sobbing. Time of death… I tried to stop my thoughts. That won't happen to Lena, it can't. Liam said she 'was' sick, therefore it's in the past, she's not anymore. I'm spiraling.

”Well. Uh.. She still is actually. Well, I'm not sure.” He scratched the back of his neck, slightly tilting his head. Huh, I guess that's a family habit.

My heart stopped, my stomach dropped and I felt like throwing up.

”No, no. it's nothing like that.” Liam assured me when he saw my face starting to pale. He continued when I didn't respond. ”She was suffering from clinical depression. Might still be, but I can't really tell. I heard about you though, from Lena. And the staff, they say she seems to be doing better with you around.”

==

Clinical depression? Well, it's not that bad, I mean I don't know cause I've never been depressed, but at least we can still do something. Anything. Right?

”Hey.” She greeted as soon as I stepped in the room.

I greeted her with a tight smile, placing her coffee on the table.

”What's wrong? She tilted her head, eyebrows furrowed.

I forced a big smile, handing her her coffee. ”Nothing. So, what are you painting today?” I looked around the room, avoiding her eyes.

”You spoke to him.” It wasn't a question.

Something in her tone made me look at her. It was … sadness, and fear, and everything in between. I didn't answer, I didn't know if I should told her that I know about her sickness or not. Not like it would actually change anything, she's depressed, so what. I'll be here for her, until she's actually happy again. I nodded.

==

”I was 13, it was my mom's death anniversary. The whole family was in the cemetery like we did every year for the past 13 years. We had a little picnic and it was going good, we were all remembering her. Then my dad showed up, he was drunk. I knew there was something wrong the moment I got to the cemetery and he wasn't there. He was always the earliest one there. So, anyway, he was drunk. It would have been there 20th wedding anniversary the next day if she hadn't died.”

She took a seat on the floor and I followed. I didn't know why she was telling me this, but I want to listen, to know, to understand.

”So, he was stumbling towards us and I run to him, because his my dad you know, and I've always been a daddy's girl. So imagine my surprise and hurt when he pushed me away.”

There were tears running down her cheeks, she wiped at it like it was nothing and continued. ”It was the first time he ever shouted at me, and last. I never forgot what he said. To this day it haunts me, Asher. It won't leave me alone.”

This is it, this is the demons I've been wondering about. The demons I am ready to take on for her.

” 'It's your fault. This is all your fault. She would still be here if it weren't for you, I would still be happy, we would still be happy. Why couldn't it have been you because god knows I'd pick her over you any time.' All our relatives were holding him back but no one could have stopped him from telling the truth.” She was sobbing.

I placed my hand over hers and squeezed lightly, letting her know that I'm here for her, I'm here, whatever she needs I'll do my best to give it to her. She smiled a painful smile and shook her head slowly.

”My mom died giving birth to me. So yeah, that day was my birthday. It had been a difficult pregnancy and they knew from the start that it would be dangerous for her. My dad wanted her to get an abortion but she refused. My dad loves me, I know that. He loved me when I was still in her stomach too, I know, he just, he just loves my mom more and didn't want to risk her. Like he said, he would pick her over me.”