Part 1 (2/2)
For heaven's sake don't talk of it. I had almost forgotten it all in this place.”
She shuddered and, turning to the window, stared into the sunset.
”Lavender has its uses,” said Mrs. Oldrieve.
Here again it must be urged on Zora's behalf that she had reason for her misanthropy. It is not cheerful for a girl to discover within twenty-four hours of her wedding that her husband is a hopeless drunkard, and to see him die of delirium tremens within six weeks. An experience so vivid, like lightning must blast something in a woman's conception of life. Because one man's kisses reeked of whisky the kisses of all male humanity were anathema.
After a long spell of silence she came and laid her cheek against her mother's.
”This is the very last time we'll speak of it, dear. I'll lock the skeleton in its cupboard and throw away the key.”
She went upstairs to dress and came down radiant. At dinner she spoke exultingly of her approaching freedom. She would tear off her widow's weeds and deck herself in the flower of youth. She would plunge into the great swelling sea of Life. She would drink suns.h.i.+ne and fill her soul with laughter. She would do a million hyperbolic things, the mention of which mightily confused her mother. ”I, my dear,” said the hen in the fairy tale, ”never had the faintest desire to get into water.” So, more or less, said Mrs. Oldrieve.
”Will you miss me very dreadfully?” asked Zora.
”Of course,” but her tone was so lacking in conviction that Zora laughed.
”Mother, you know very well that Cousin Jane will be a more sympathetic companion. You've been pining for her all this time.”
Cousin Jane held distinct views on the cut of under-clothes for the deserving poor, and as clouds disperse before the sun so did household dust before her presence. Untidiness followed in Zora's steps, as it does in those of the physically large, and Cousin Jane disapproved of her thoroughly. But Mrs. Oldrieve often sighed for Cousin Jane as she had never sighed for Zora, Emily, or her husband. She was more than content with the prospect of her companions.h.i.+p.
”At any rate, my dear,” she said that evening, as she paused, candle in hand, by her bedroom door, ”at any rate I hope you'll do nothing that is unbecoming to a gentlewoman.”
Such was her benison.
Zora b.u.mped her head against the oak beam that ran across her bedroom ceiling.
”It's quite true,” she said to herself, ”the place is too small for me, I don't fit.”
What she was going to do in this wide world into whose glories she was about to enter she had but the vaguest notion. All to her was the Beautiful Unknown. Narrow means had kept her at Cheltenham and afterwards at Nunsmere, all her life. She had met her husband in Ipswich while she was paying a polite visit to some distant cousins. She had married him offhand, in a whirl of the senses. He was a handsome blackguard, of independent means, and she had spent her nightmare of a honeymoon at Brighton. On three occasions, during her five-and-twenty years of existence, she had spent a golden week in London. That was all she knew of the wide world. It was not very much. Reading had given her a second-hand acquaintance with the doings of various cla.s.ses of mankind, and such pictures as she had seen had filled her head with dreams of strange and wonderful places. But otherwise she was ignorant, beautifully, childishly ignorant--and undismayed.
What was she going to do? Sensitive and responsive to beauty, filled with artistic impulses, she could neither paint, act, sing, nor write pretty little stories for the magazines. She had no special gift to develop. To earn her living in a humdrum way she had no need. She had no high Ibsenite notions of working out her own individuality. She had no consuming pa.s.sion for reforming any section of the universe. She had no mission--that she knew of--to accomplish. Unlike so many of her s.e.x who yearn to be as men and go out into the world she had no inner mandate to do anything, no ambition to be anything. She was simply a great, rich flower, struggling through the shade to the sunlight, plenty of sunlight, as much sunlight as the heavens could give her.
The Literary Man from London happened to be returning to town by the train that carried Zora on the first stage of her pilgrimage. He obtained her consent to travel up in the same carriage. He asked her to what branch of human activity she intended to devote herself. She answered that she was going to lie, anyhow, among the leaves. He rebuked her.
”We ought,” said he, ”to justify our existence.”
She drew herself up and flashed an indignant glance at him.
”I beg your pardon,” he apologized. ”You do justify yours.”
”How?”
”You decorate the world. I was wrong. That is the true function of a beautiful woman, and you fulfill it.”
”I have in my bag,” replied Zora slowly, and looking at him steady-eyed, ”a preventive against sea-sickness; I have a waterproof to shelter me from rain; but what can I do to s.h.i.+eld myself against silly compliments?”
”Adopt the costume of the ladies of the Orient,” said the Literary Man from London, unabashed.
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