Part 8 (1/2)
”Well,” said I, ”these men wear costumes which T-S has had made for them, and they pretend to be a mob. They have been practicing all day, and by now they know what to do. There is a man with a megaphone, shouting orders to them, and enormous lights playing upon them, so that men with cameras can take pictures of the scene. It is very vivid, and as a portrayal of history, is truly educational.”
”And when it is done--what becomes of the men?”
Utterly hopeless, you see! We were right back on the forbidden ground! ”How do you mean?” I evaded.
”I mean, how do they live?”
”Dey got deir five dollars, ain't dey?” It was T-S, of course.
”Yes, but that won' last very long, will it? What is the cost of this dinner we are eating?”
The magnate of the movies looked to the speaker, and then burst into a laugh. ”Ho, ho, ho! Dat's a good vun!”
Said I, hastily: ”Mr. T-S means that there are cheaper eating places to be found.”
”Well,” said Carpenter, ”why don't we find one?”
”It's no use, Billy. He thinks it's up to me to feed all de b.u.ms on de lot. Is dat it, Mr. Carpenter?”
”I can't say, Mr. T-S; I don't know how many there are, and I don't know how rich you are.”
”Vell, dey got five million out o' verks in this country now, and if I vanted to bust myself, I could feed 'em vun day, maybe two. But ven I got done, dey vouldn't be n.o.body to make pictures, and somebody vould have to feed old Abey--or maybe me and Maw could go back to carryin' pants in a push cart! If you tink I vouldn't like to see all de hungry fed, you got me wrong, Mr. Carpenter; but vot I learned is dis--if you stop fer all de misery you see in de vorld about you, you vouldn't git novhere.”
”Well,” said Carpenter, ”what difference would that make?”
The proprietor of Eternal City really wanted to make out the processes of this abnormal mind. He wrinkled his brows, and thought very hard over it.
”See here, Mr. Carpenter,” he began at last, ”I tink you got hold o'
de wrong feller. I'm a verkin' man, de same as any mechanic on my lot. I verked ever since I vas a liddle boy, and if I eat too much now, maybe it's because I didn't get enough ven I vas liddle. And maybe I got more money dan vot I got a right to, but I know dis--I ain't never had enough to do half vot I vant to! But dere's plenty fellers got ten times vot I got, and never done a stroke o' vork fer it. Dey're de vuns y'oughter git after!”
Said Carpenter: ”I would, if I knew how.”
”Dey's plenty of 'em right in dis room, I bet.” And Mary added: ”Ask Billy; he knows them all!”
”You flatter me, Mary,” I laughed.
”Ain't dey some of 'em here?” demanded T-S.
”Yes, that's true. There are some not far away, who are developing a desire to meet Mr. Carpenter, unless I miss the signs.”
”Vere are dey at?” demanded T-S.
”I won't tell you that,” I laughed, ”because you'd turn and stare into their faces.”
”So he vould!” broke in Maw. ”How often I gotta tell you, Abey? You got no more manners dan if you vas a jimpanzy.”
”All right,” said the magnate, grinning good naturedly. ”I'll keep a-eatin' my dinner. Who is it?”
”It's Mrs. Parmelee Stebbins,” said I. ”She boasts a salon, and has to have what are called lions, and she's been watching Mr. Carpenter out of the corner of her eye ever since he came into the room--trying to figure out whether he's a lion, or only an actor. If his skin were a bit dark, she would be sure he was an Eastern potentate; as it, she's afraid he's of domestic origin, in which case he's vulgar. The company he keeps is against him; but still--Mrs. Stebbins has had my eye three times, hoping I would give her a signal, I haven't given it, so she's about to leave.”
”Vell, she can go to h.e.l.l!” said T-S, keeping his promise to devote himself to his dinner. ”I offered Parmelee Stebbins a tird share in 'De Pride o' Pa.s.sion' fer a hunded tousand dollars, and de d.a.m.n fool turned me down, and de picture has made a million and a quarter a'ready.”