Part 29 (1/2)

Next morning finding his watch motionless, and meeting his comrade, says to him, ”Och! she no be care muckle about a watch, an' you be like mine, what will ye gi'e me for her?” The other replied, ”I be venture a kinny.” ”Weel then,” said the other, ”Shust tak her, an' welcome, for she be die yester night.”

_Our Lawful Sovereign._

An English Officer Dining With Lord Saltoon Some Years After the Battle of Culloden, his Lords.h.i.+p was adverting to the strong attachment manifested by the generality of Buchan to the unfortunate house of Stuart, and particularly remarked the devoted loyalty of his gardener, whom no bribe or entreaty could in the smallest degree influence. ”I'll bet 50 guineas,” said the Englishman, ”that I shall make him drink the health of King George.” ”Done!” replied his Lords.h.i.+p. The honest gardener was called in. The officer began by praising his fidelity and loyalty to his prince; pressed him to drink some gla.s.ses of wine; and when he thought him a little off his guard from the effects of the generous liquor, he began thus:--”Now, my friend, I know you are a good Christian and wish well to every human being; you can certainly have no objection to drink the health of King George? Come, my worthy fellow, a b.u.mper to the health of his Majesty.” ”Here's to the health of our _lawful_ Sovereign,” said the gardener. ”Bless you, sir,” cried the officer, ”That's not King George?” ”I am very much of your opinion,”

replied the man, making a profound bow and retiring.

_Down the Rotten Row._

A few years ago, when resurrectionists throughout the country were become very common, a person of respectability was interred in the High Church burying ground of Glasgow. The relatives who were persons of property, hired a few hungry weavers, who generally at that time were _atomies_ ready made, to watch the grave of their deceased relative; these, as they were one night on duty, perceived some persons enter, the churchyard; they kept snug till such time as they could learn the object of their visit. It was not long before the intruders opened a grave, took out the corpse, put it into a sack and left it at the grave, and went in search of something else. One of the weavers, a droll fellow, said to his comrade, ”Take out the corpse, and I'll go into the sack, but do you observe the proceedings.” In a little time the resurrection men returned, and one of them getting the sack upon his back marched off. When they got to the street, the one says to the other, ”Which way will we take?” When the weaver putting out his hand and gripping the fellow who was carrying him, by the hair, bawled out, ”Down the Rotten Raw, ye beggar.” He was soon set down, and the man who carried him went mad of the fright.

_Resurrection Men._

Some years ago, a poor boy, whose mother was buried in the churchyard of Falkirk, used frequently to sit on her grave, and when dest.i.tute of other accommodation, would crawl in below one of the gravestones, and slept there for the night. On one of these occasions, the boy was roused from his sleep by the noise of some voices in the churchyard. This was nothing more than a couple of resurrection men who had come on purpose to begin that great work rather prematurely; and as those who are raised before their due time cannot be supposed capable of standing on their legs, they had provided themselves with a horse to gi'e them a lift.

They were then disputing about how they could secure the beast, while they were raising the corpse. The lad hearing this, and creeping out of his hole, cries, ”I'll haud him,” expecting some remuneration no doubt.

The fellows seeing a resurrection commencing from under a stone, and hearing the offer of holding the horse, scampered off and left the animal, with a couple of sacks; and although the horse and sacks were advertised, they were never claimed, but sold for the benefit of the boy, which procured him better lodging than beneath a grave stone.

_March of Intellect._

Two country carters, pa.s.sing the entrance to the Arcade, Argyle Street, Glasgow, observed painted on the wall, ”No dogs to enter here.” ”No dogs to enter here!” exclaimed one of them, ”I'm sure there's no use for that there.” ”What way, Jock,” replied the other. ”'Cause dogs canna read signs,” said he. ”Ha, ha, Jock, ye're maybe wrang, I'se warran ye gentle folks' dogs 'ill ken't brawly, for there's schools, noo, whar they learn the dumb baith to read and speak.”

THE

MERRY CONCEITS

OF

TOM LONG

THE CARRIER

Being many Pleasant Pa.s.sages and Mad Pranks which he observed in his Travels.