Part 23 (1/2)

”Sixthly, the experiment of the midsummer smock, found in a better manner than before, by my painful study in philosophy. And now, daughters,” quoth she, ”take particular notice, for it is thus: Let seven of you together, on a midsummer's eve, exactly at the sun's setting, go silently into some garden, and gather each of you a sprig of red sage, then return to some private room, prepared particularly for that purpose, with a stool placed in the middle, each one of you having a clean smock, turned the wrong side outwards, hanging upon a line across the room, then let every one lay her sprig of red sage on a clean plate of rosewater set on a stool; which done, place yourselves in a row, where continue till twelve or one o'clock, saying nothing, whatever you see, for after midnight, each one's sweetheart or husband, that shall be, will take each maid's sprig out of the rosewater, and sprinkle his love's smock, and those who are so unfortunate as never to be married, their sprigs shall not be moved; and in consequence hereof many sobs and heavy sighs will be heard. This has been very often tried in our own country, and never failed of the desired effect.

These things I have found out of late, To make young lovers fortunate.

”And now, my dear daughters, I have but a few more words to say at this time, and they are by way of caution: In the twelve months I find above one and thirty very unfortunate days; and therefore, as you regard the future happiness of your lives, take care that you do not enter into wedlock upon those days. Now, for your better instruction, I'll tell you which they be.

”In January there are four; the 7th, 16th, 17th, and 18th.

February hath two; the 5th and 10th.

March hath three; the 9th, 10th, and 21st.

April hath two; the 6th and 7th.

May hath two; the 4th and 13th.

June hath three; the 7th, 9th, and 10th.

July hath two; the 9th and 17th.

August hath two; the 11th and 15th.

September hath three; the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th.

October hath three; the 4th, 14th, and 15th.

November hath two; the 5th and 24th.

December hath three; the 6th, 7th, and 9th.

Observe my rules for all these days, And then you will your fortune raise.”

This said, old Mother Bunch presented them with a cup of her fine cordial water, and so dismissed them; and the young damsels, with rapturous hearts, returned her their hearty thanks.

After Mother Bunch had done dinner, the young men came, to wit, Tom the miller, Ralph the thatcher, and Robin the ploughman, with a great number of other trades and callings, all whom Mother Bunch invited to sit down that she might deliver her wholesome counsels to them.

And first she begins with Tom the miller, saying, ”Ah, Tom! thou art a sad wild young fellow; there is not a maid that can come to the mill but thou will be fooling with them, but take my word for it, if you do not leave off in time, you will certainly spoil all your fortune. What woman do you think, having a portion, will have such a one? She may justly conclude that you will still run a catterwauling after young wenches, and leave her to sigh and weep for want of domestic happiness--you know what I mean, Tom.”

”Yes, yes, mother,” quoth Tom, ”but sure you do not take me for such a one.” ”Yes, Tom, I do, and am seldom mistaken. It is you millers that fill the country so full of cracked-headed maidens, that when an honest husband comes to marry he finds the hearts already stolen away. But farewell, I'll have no more to say to such a fellow as you.”

Then turning to Ralph the thatcher, she said, ”I find you are very desirous of a wife, and your ambition is such that she must be rich, young, and beautiful: cannot you content yourself with honest Joan, to whom you gave promise of marriage? And now I find you have a mind to leave her, which if you do, and obtain such a one as you desire, I can tell you what will follow. She won't stand picking of straws with you, her fair face will find many friends in a corner, and you may chance to be a cuckold, and indeed but justly served in your kind; and, therefore, I advise you to return to your old love, for she is a very honest girl, and therefore far more fit for you than such a gay b.u.t.terfly as you have lately followed.”

Then she stretched forth her hand to Robin the ploughman, saying, ”Thou art an honest fellow, and good fortune will always attend thee. I mean not bags of gold nor heaps of silver; but thou shalt have a careful and industrious wife, one that will ever be willing and ready to labour, a true and faithful yoke-mate, and one that will be a cheerful partner in thy weal and woe, to comfort and support thee under the greatest and most severe trials. For, as the poet has it--

That burden may be borne By two with care, Which is perhaps too much For one to bear.

”Honest Robin, this is thy happy fortune, and as thou art a downright honest fellow, I am glad to find it so.”

Thus Mother Bunch went round the room, And told them what would be their doom, If they her daughters did betray, And steal their maiden hearts away, Each would be punished with a bride, By whom he should be hornify'd; But if they were right honest men, Each of them should have fortune then.

This said, she did her blessing give, In love and happiness to live; Which when they did the same receive, Of Mother Bunch they took their leave, Declaring she had told them more, Than e'er they understood before.

Now for these poor young creatures that have pined themselves to death, and have no cure, the worst of pretenders to physiognomy might prescribe them a remedy, and all those of what const.i.tution soever that have hoped houses of their own, I will show you how you shall see the person that is to give you one, collected from Trismegistus and Cornelius Agrippa.