Part 56 (1/2)
”Come and sit beside me,” she invited, slowly. ”You seem suddenly like a stranger.”
”Mary,” he said simply, ”the time has come for me to ask you----” The words stuck in his throat. What in G.o.d's name was he going to ask her?
What a fanatic he was! Utterly unconscious of his thoughts, she interrupted him.
”I know what you want to ask me, Tony, and I have been waiting.” She leaned against him. ”You see, I have had the foolish feeling that perhaps you didn't care as you thought you did. It is that dreadful difference in our age.”
”Do you care, Mary?”
She might have answered him, ”Why otherwise should I marry a penniless man, five years my junior, when the world is before me?”
She said, ”Yes, I care deeply.”
”Ah,” he breathed, ”then it is all right, Mary; that is all we need.”
After a few seconds he said gently: ”Now look at me.” Her face was flushed and her eyes humid. She raised them to him. He was holding one of her hands in both of his as he spoke, and from time to time touched it with his lips. ”Listen to me; try to understand. I am a Bohemian, an artist; say that over and over. Do you think me crazy? I have not been ill. I went into a retreat. I shut myself up with my soul. This life here,”--he gestured to the room as though it held a host of enemies,--”this life here has crushed me. I had begun to think myself a miserable creature just because I am poor. Now, if money is the only thing that counts in the world, of course I am a miserable creature, and then let us drink life to its dregs; and if it is not the only thing, well then, let us drink the other things to their dregs.” She said, ”What other things?”
”Why, the beauty of struggling together with every material consideration cast out! Think how beautiful it is to work for one you love; think of the beauty of being all in all to each other, Mary!”
”But we are that, Tony.”
Now that Antony had embarked, he spoke rapidly. ”You owe your luxury to your husband whom you never loved. Now I cannot let you owe him anything more, Mary.”
She began, ”But I don't think of my fortune in connection with him.”
Antony did not hear her. ”I feel lately as though I had been selling my soul,” he said pa.s.sionately. ”And what can a man have in exchange for his soul? Of course, it was presumptuous folly of me to have asked you to marry me.”
She put both her hands over his and breathed his name. He spoke desperately, and the picture rose up before him of his bare studio and his meagre life.
”Will you marry me now?”
”I said I was quite ready.”
”The day will come when I will be rich and great.” He paused. He saw that her eyes were already troubled, and asked eagerly, ”You believe that, don't you?”
”Of course.”
”Great enough, rich enough, not to make a woman ashamed. You must wait for that time with me.”
Mary Faversham said quietly, ”You have been shutting yourself up with a lot of fanatical ideas.”
He covered her lips gently with his hands. His face became grave.
”Oh,” he said, ”don't speak--wait. You don't dream what every word you say is going to mean--wait. You don't understand what I mean!”
And he began to tell her the gigantic sacrifice he was about to impose upon her. If he had been a.s.sured of his love for her, a.s.sured of her love for him, he might have made a magnetic appeal, but he seemed to be talking to her through a veil. He shook his head.
”No, I cannot ask it, Mary.”
Mary Faversham's face had undergone a change. It was never lovelier than now, as with gravity and sweetness she put her arms around his neck and looked up at him with great tenderness. She said--