Part 60 (1/2)

In the year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and twelve, there was, an' please your honour-

-To tell thee truly, Trim, quoth my uncle Toby, any other date would have pleased me much better, not only on account of the sad stain upon our history that year, in marching off our troops, and refusing to cover the siege of Quesnoi, though f.a.gel was carrying on the works with such incredible vigour-but likewise on the score, Trim, of thy own story; because if there are-and which, from what thou hast dropt, I partly suspect to be the fact-if there are giants in it-

There is but one, an' please your honour-

-'Tis as bad as twenty, replied my uncle Toby-thou should'st have carried him back some seven or eight hundred years out of harm's way, both of critics and other people: and therefore I would advise thee, if ever thou tellest it again-

-If I live, an' please your honour, but once to get through it, I will never tell it again, quoth Trim, either to man, woman, or child-Poo-poo! said my uncle Toby-but with accents of such sweet encouragement did he utter it, that the corporal went on with his story with more alacrity than ever.

The Story of the King of Bohemia and His Seven Castles, Continued.

There was, an' please your honour, said the corporal, raising his voice and rubbing the palms of his two hands cheerily together as he begun, a certain king of Bohemia-

-Leave out the date entirely, Trim, quoth my uncle Toby, leaning forwards, and laying his hand gently upon the corporal's shoulder to temper the interruption-leave it out entirely, Trim; a story pa.s.ses very well without these niceties, unless one is pretty sure of 'em-Sure of 'em! said the corporal, shaking his head-

Right; answered my uncle Toby, it is not easy, Trim, for one, bred up as thou and I have been to arms, who seldom looks further forward than to the end of his musket, or backwards beyond his knapsack, to know much about this matter-G.o.d bless your honour! said the corporal, won by the manner of my uncle Toby's reasoning, as much as by the reasoning itself, he has something else to do; if not on action, or a march, or upon duty in his garrison-he has his firelock, an' please your honour, to furbish-his accoutrements to take care of-his regimentals to mend-himself to shave and keep clean, so as to appear always like what he is upon the parade; what business, added the corporal triumphantly, has a soldier, an' please your honour, to know any thing at all of geography?

-Thou would'st have said chronology, Trim, said my uncle Toby; for as for geography, 'tis of absolute use to him; he must be acquainted intimately with every country and its boundaries where his profession carries him; he should know every town and city, and village and hamlet, with the ca.n.a.ls, the roads, and hollow ways which lead up to them; there is not a river or a rivulet he pa.s.ses, Trim, but he should be able at first sight to tell thee what is its name-in what mountains it takes its rise-what is its course-how far it is navigable-where fordable-where not; he should know the fertility of every valley, as well as the hind who ploughs it; and be able to describe, or, if it is required, to give thee an exact map of all the plains and defiles, the forts, the acclivities, the woods and mora.s.ses, thro' and by which his army is to march; he should know their produce, their plants, their minerals, their waters, their animals, their seasons, their climates, their heats and cold, their inhabitants, their customs, their language, their policy, and even their religion.

Is it else to be conceived, corporal, continued my uncle Toby, rising up in his sentry-box, as he began to warm in this part of his discourse-how Marlborough could have marched his army from the banks of the Maes to Belburg; from Belburg to Kerpenord-(here the corporal could sit no longer) from Kerpenord, Trim, to Kalsaken; from Kalsaken to Newdorf; from Newdorf to Landenbourg; from Landenbourg to Mildenheim; from Mildenheim to Elchingen; from Elchingen to Gingen; from Gingen to Balmerchoffen; from Balmerchoffen to Skellenburg, where he broke in upon the enemy's works; forced his pa.s.sage over the Danube; cross'd the Lech-push'd on his troops into the heart of the empire, marching at the head of them through Fribourg, Hokenwert, and Schonevelt, to the plains of Blenheim and Hochstet?-Great as he was, corporal, he could not have advanced a step, or made one single day's march without the aids of Geography.-As for Chronology, I own, Trim, continued my uncle Toby, sitting down again coolly in his sentry-box, that of all others, it seems a science which the soldier might best spare, was it not for the lights which that science must one day give him, in determining the invention of powder; the furious execution of which, renversing every thing like thunder before it, has become a new aera to us of military improvements, changing so totally the nature of attacks and defences both by sea and land, and awakening so much art and skill in doing it, that the world cannot be too exact in ascertaining the precise time of its discovery, or too inquisitive in knowing what great man was the discoverer, and what occasions gave birth to it.

I am far from controverting, continued my uncle Toby, what historians agree in, that in the year of our Lord 1380, under the reign of Wencelaus, son of Charles the Fourth-a certain priest, whose name was Schwartz, shew'd the use of powder to the Venetians, in their wars against the Genoese; but 'tis certain he was not the first; because if we are to believe Don Pedro, the bishop of Leon-How came priests and bishops, an' please your honour, to trouble their heads so much about gun-powder? G.o.d knows, said my uncle Toby-his providence brings good out of every thing-and he avers, in his chronicle of King Alphonsus, who reduced Toledo, That in the year 1343, which was full thirty-seven years before that time, the secret of powder was well known, and employed with success, both by Moors and Christians, not only in their sea-combats, at that period, but in many of their most memorable sieges in Spain and Barbary-And all the world knows, that Friar Bacon had wrote expressly about it, and had generously given the world a receipt to make it by, above a hundred and fifty years before even Schwartz was born-And that the Chinese, added my uncle Toby, embarra.s.s us, and all accounts of it, still more, by boasting of the invention some hundreds of years even before him-

They are a pack of liars, I believe, cried Trim-

-They are somehow or other deceived, said my uncle Toby, in this matter, as is plain to me from the present miserable state of military architecture amongst them; which consists of nothing more than a fosse with a brick wall without flanks-and for what they gave us as a bastion at each angle of it, 'tis so barbarously constructed, that it looks for all the world-Like one of my seven castles, an' please your honour, quoth Trim.

My uncle Toby, tho' in the utmost distress for a comparison, most courteously refused Trim's offer-till Trim telling him, he had half a dozen more in Bohemia, which he knew not how to get off his hands-my uncle Toby was so touch'd with the pleasantry of heart of the corporal-that he discontinued his dissertation upon gun-powder-and begged the corporal forthwith to go on with his story of the King of Bohemia and his seven castles.

The Story of the King of Bohemia and His Seven Castles, Continued.

This unfortunate King of Bohemia, said Trim,-Was he unfortunate, then? cried my uncle Toby, for he had been so wrapt up in his dissertation upon gun-powder, and other military affairs, that tho' he had desired the corporal to go on, yet the many interruptions he had given, dwelt not so strong upon his fancy as to account for the epithet-Was he unfortunate, then, Trim? said my uncle Toby, pathetically-The corporal, wis.h.i.+ng first the word and all its synonimas at the devil, forthwith began to run back in his mind, the princ.i.p.al events in the King of Bohemia's story; from every one of which, it appearing that he was the most fortunate man that ever existed in the world-it put the corporal to a stand: for not caring to retract his epithet-and less to explain it-and least of all, to twist his tale (like men of lore) to serve a system-he looked up in my uncle Toby's face for a.s.sistance-but seeing it was the very thing my uncle Toby sat in expectation of himself-after a hum and a haw, he went on-

The King of Bohemia, an' please your honour, replied the corporal, was unfortunate, as thus-That taking great pleasure and delight in navigation and all sort of sea affairs-and there happening throughout the whole kingdom of Bohemia, to be no sea-port town whatever-

How the duce should there-Trim? cried my uncle Toby; for Bohemia being totally inland, it could have happen'd no otherwise-It might, said Trim, if it had pleased G.o.d-

My uncle Toby never spoke of the being and natural attributes of G.o.d, but with diffidence and hesitation-

-I believe not, replied my uncle Toby, after some pause-for being inland, as I said, and having Silesia and Moravia to the east; Lusatia and Upper Saxony to the north; Franconia to the west; and Bavaria to the south; Bohemia could not have been propell'd to the sea without ceasing to be Bohemia-nor could the sea, on the other hand, have come up to Bohemia, without overflowing a great part of Germany, and destroying millions of unfortunate inhabitants who could make no defence against it-Scandalous! cried Trim-Which would bespeak, added my uncle Toby, mildly, such a want of compa.s.sion in him who is the father of it-that, I think, Trim-the thing could have happen'd no way.

The corporal made the bow of unfeign'd conviction; and went on.

Now the King of Bohemia with his queen and courtiers happening one fine summer's evening to walk out-Aye! there the word happening is right, Trim, cried my uncle Toby; for the King of Bohemia and his queen might have walk'd out or let it alone:-'twas a matter of contingency, which might happen, or not, just as chance ordered it.

King William was of an opinion, an' please your honour, quoth Trim, that every thing was predestined for us in this world; insomuch, that he would often say to his soldiers, that 'every ball had its billet.' He was a great man, said my uncle Toby-And I believe, continued Trim, to this day, that the shot which disabled me at the battle of Landen, was pointed at my knee for no other purpose, but to take me out of his service, and place me in your honour's, where I should be taken so much better care of in my old age-It shall never, Trim, be construed otherwise, said my uncle Toby.

The heart, both of the master and the man, were alike subject to sudden over-flowings;-a short silence ensued.