Part 15 (1/2)

I grinned halfheartedly. ”Not really.” I reached up, tucked my hair behind my ears.

We were quiet for a moment until his gaze drifted to the floor and he asked, ”How does Shane feel about the whole adoption?”

I ducked my chin to my chest. ”I haven't exactly told him yet.”

Garret lifted his eyes from the floor and raised his dark eyebrows in genuine surprise.

”I know, I know. I'm a wimp. Let's just leave it at that.” I didn't know how to explain all that was spinning in my mind. I wasn't sure I was ready to tell him just how heavily my feelings for him were weighing in my decision process about Shane. I didn't want to scare him out of his wits.

”Whatever you say.” He sounded doubtful, but then continued in a lighter tone, glancing toward the kitchen. ”Hey. Want some coconut ice cream? The cook whipped up some this afternoon. It should be frozen by now.”

I shook my head. ”I think I reached my cream limit tasting that sauce.”

”Are you sure? It's yummy.”

”Yummy?” I poked his stomach gently with my foot. ”You are such a dad. No childless man would ever use the word 'yummy.'”

”So? 'Yummy' happens to be a good word. Very descriptive of this particular ice cream. But if you're sure you don't want any ... ” He batted his eyelashes at me in an exaggerated fas.h.i.+on.

”Oh, what the h.e.l.l,” I said, pulling my feet from his lap and slapping my palms against the tops of my thighs. ”It's two in the morning, right? Perfect time for ice cream.”

Garret jumped up and rubbed his hands together conspiratorially. ”All right! I knew you'd give in.” He made a stop sign with an outstretched palm. ”Stay right here. I'll go get it.”

My heart jumped in my chest as I watched him basically skip into the kitchen, marveling over how ridiculously happy I felt. Shane would rather be dead than caught skipping. The thought of him washed over me in a waterfall of guilt, and I glanced around as though he might be standing in a corner, watching me. I shouldn't be here, I thought. But that kiss. Oh, my. I stood up just as Garret returned from the kitchen, two bowls in hand.

”I'm really sorry,” I said, ”but I should probably get going.”

He stopped, set the bowls down on the table next to him. ”Everything okay?”

”Yeah, I think so. Just feeling the guilt thing, you know?”

He moved over to me, took my hands in his. ”Shane?”

I nodded, my eyes glued to his face. ”I need to make some decisions. Take care of a few things before ... Well, just before.”

”Did I step over the line, kissing you? I thought you wanted me to.”

I squeezed his hands. ”Oh, yeah. I wanted you to. That's not all I wanted, which is probably why I should get the h.e.l.l out of here.” I paused, tried to read his expression. ”Are you angry?”

He smiled. ”Just at myself.”

”What for?”

He pulled at my arm playfully. ”You know exactly what for.”

I shook my head. ”No, I don't.”

He leaned forward again, his lips against mine before I realized it was happening. My breath caught in my chest when he pulled away.

”Feel that?” he whispered.

”Oh, yeah,” I exhaled.

”That's why I'm angry. That I might lose my chance at this. Having it happen with you.”

Tears tickled the corners of my eyes, and I smiled at him. ”Take a girl's breath away, why don't you?”

Garret took my hands, held them against his lips as he spoke. ”Just give me the chance, Nicole. You won't know what hit you.”

As Jenny napped late the next afternoon, I decided I'd better do the same. My birthday was later in the week, but since it was Sat.u.r.day, Nova had a small party planned for that evening. I wanted to appear well-rested. I knew Garret would be there, and the simple thought of him curled my lips into an indulgent smile. Burrowing under a light blanket and pus.h.i.+ng away the guilty feelings that nipped at my heels, I basked in the memory of the kiss we'd shared. Just as I was about to drift off, a sharp, insistent rap at the front door woke me.

”Mom?” I called out. She knew I was tired; she had still been awake when I got home the night before and had gotten an edited version of my time with Garret. Mom had met him at Nova's barbecue, and though I hadn't told her of the feelings I had for him, I was pretty sure she suspected they existed. ”Mom?” I said again, hopeful she would answer the door so I wouldn't have to get up.

When she didn't answer me, I a.s.sumed she hadn't heard the door, so I rolled reluctantly from bed and pulled on a green b.u.t.ton-down blouse and my favorite jeans. As I entered the kitchen, I saw Shane coming in from the living room at the same time. Mom was right behind him. ”Surprise!” he said as he strode over to kiss me. ”Happy birthday!” I stood frozen.

”Shane,” I started, finding my voice. ”What are you doing here?”

”He came all the way from San Francisco just to surprise you,” my mother piped up. She went to sit at the table, a half-eaten chef's salad in front of her. ”I told him you were sleeping because you were up with Jenny all night.” Her eyes were bright, trying to communicate something to me. She must have suspected my feelings for Garret; otherwise, she wouldn't be making such a point of not telling Shane the real reason I was so tired. I felt a twinge of kins.h.i.+p with her.

”You picked the wrong afternoon to nap,” Shane remarked, his hand on the small of my back. Despite the warm weather, he was dressed in a typically impeccable blue suit, a yellow-striped tie knotted perfectly at his neck. ”It's gorgeous out. I thought Seattle was perpetually wet.”

”It's our best-kept secret, the summers here,” Mom said. ”Right, Nicole?”

”Uh, yeah. It's not bad during the summers. It's the winters you have to watch out for all the rain.”

”Well, thanks for the weather update,” Shane joked. His hand rubbed up and down my spine.

I moved from his touch, unnerved by the sensation. I gripped my hands on the back of a chair, locking my arms straight, bracing myself. ”So! What a nice surprise! I thought you were swamped at work.” He stepped over to hug me, and I felt stiff in his arms, a circle trying to fit into a square hole.

”I am,” he said. ”But I've felt so guilty about not coming, and I wanted to make sure you knew everything was okay with us. Plus it's your birthday.”

I sank into a chair, resting my elbows on the kitchen table, just as Jenny began to groan from her bedroom.

”I'll get her,” Mom volunteered, pus.h.i.+ng back her chair and stepping down the hallway.

”Thanks, Mom,” I said, for the first time wis.h.i.+ng she wasn't helping me with Jenny so I could've had a moment to gather my senses.

Shane sat down as well. ”Aren't you happy I came?”

”Of course. Just surprised. And a little tired.”

”Well, you'd better get some caffeine in you, because I'm taking you out to dinner tonight.”

”Uh,” I said, the only witty response I could pull together on such short notice.

”'Uh' what?” he inquired. ”You don't want me to take you out for your birthday?”

”Well,” I started, ”Nova's planned sort of a party for me tonight-”