Part 9 (1/2)

He produced a pair of sharp scissors. I shrunk back but he pulled at me. I closed my eyes. If he was going to cut me, I didn't want to see the blood.

He tugged at my clothes and I heard several snips. The clothes slipped from my body, cool air a.s.sailing me. I forced my eyes open. He had cut the clothes from my body, including my underwear. I drew in a shaky, silent breath, waiting for him to rape me.

Panting as if he'd just been sprinting, he grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me away from him. With the palm of his hand on my upper back, he pushed me across the room toward the wall. He pressed me against it. He pushed the other hand between us and I heard him unzip his jeans. He thrust into me before I could brace myself, thrust so hard that I almost lost my balance. The pain was so quick and sudden I lost my breath. I placed the palms of my hand against the wall for balance while sobs shook my body. He pounded into me for what seemed like hours, grunting and panting, his sweaty forehead pressed against the back of my head.

When he was done, he pulled out and zipped up his pants. I turned around to face him, to show him the crushed look on my face. He didn't look at me, just picked up the pizza, which was now drenched in oil, and strode to the door. He flicked off the light before closing it.

Terrified, I lowered myself to the floor and hugged my knees to my body, attempting to keep warm. Gazing into the darkness, I thought back to a time that wasn't draped in misery and pain-my childhood. Dustin appeared in my thoughts. I had been happiest when I was with him. He had been my first in every way. I went one step further and tried to remember how it had felt being in his arms. Warm and safe and loved. I hung on to that thought as I laid myself back on the cold floor and closed my eyes. Outside my body, I was cold and bruised, but inside I was safe. For now. Wherever he was, Dustin was watching over me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO.

A kick in the stomach woke me and I met the eyes of my worst nightmare. A real nightmare from which I couldn't wake.

Jude looked a mess. His stubble was scattered on his chin and cheeks, his eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was disheveled and a bit greasy. Seeing him in that condition frightened me. To let himself go like that meant I was in deep s.h.i.+t. I had caused him to step out of his usual routine, messed with not only his life but also his appearance. Fear sucked every bit of strength I possessed in my body and the pain only weakened me more.

My gaze drifted from his face to the wall behind him, the wall that had been white before. Had he covered it with something to hide what was underneath?

My good eye widened and on reflex, I squinted to focus better. Big mistake. Slivers of pain traveled to my brain, but the pain was trumped by what I was seeing. The entire wall was a tapestry of women's photos. None of the white color of the wall showed between portraits, profiles, and even pa.s.sport photos. I pushed further past the pain to try and figure out who they were. In that moment, Jude grabbed my chin and turned me to look at him.

”Why the f.u.c.k did you do it? Why did you leave me?” His voice was hoa.r.s.e and his grip around my chin was so tight I was unable to move my head.

I licked my lips and wondered what to say to him. Whatever I said would eventually end up hurting me. But not answering could cause me more harm. Why was he asking anyway? He had known all this time that I was unhappy, that he made me unhappy. Did he just choose to ignore the truth before his eyes? Was he that blinded by his obsession?

Jude's gaze bore into mine like lasers as he waited for answers he knew already.

What the h.e.l.l, I thought. He had found me. Whether I said anything or didn't say a word, he would punish me. The truth would be best. ”I was,” my bottom lip trembled, ”I was afraid.”

He laughed out loud, his reaction throwing me off guard. ”Afraid?” He released my chin and raked a hand through his greasy hair. ”What the f.u.c.k did you have to be afraid of?”

”Of ... of you, Jude. I was afraid of you.” I dipped my head and my chin hit my chest.

His laughter died. He looked back at me, his eyes narrowed. ”You have no reason to be afraid of me, Haley. Not if you do exactly as I say.”

”You hurt me.” A tear trickled down my cheek. Now that I was able to talk, I wanted him to know just in case it made a difference, in case it lessened my punishment even a fraction.

The photos on the wall behind him were still urging me to look at them, but I couldn't look away from Jude's face. I needed to see his reactions to my words, needed him to see the naked fear in my eyes.

He came and took my hands in his. I winced as his grip crushed my injured hands. He didn't seem to notice, or maybe he just didn't care. He yanked me closer to him, still holding my hands tight. I started to cry from pain then, both physical and emotional.

”Haley,” he said. I could smell a mixture of alcohol and coffee on his breath. ”It's your fault. You make me hurt you. I love you so d.a.m.n much, but you drive me crazy sometimes.” The final word was spoken through gritted teeth. ”You left me.” He dropped my hands and wrapped a hand around the back of my head, squeezing so tight I felt the pressure inside my head. He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. I kept mine open, still aware of the pen knife in his free hand. What if he stabbed me right now? No one would ever know because he had done an awesome job with keeping me isolated. No one would come looking for me. Not even Diana because she probably thought I was somewhere safe by now.

”Why did you do it?” he whispered. ”Why did you make me hurt you? Why did you make me hurt you enough to make you want to leave me?”

”I ... I don't know.” I sobbed. I had no idea who I was when I was with him, didn't know what had triggered his outbursts, didn't know how to protect myself from his blows. I didn't know anything anymore.

He unglued his forehead from mine and shoved me back so hard I fell back to the floor on my b.u.t.t. ”You f.u.c.kin' wh.o.r.e,” he barked, flames of anger exploding in his eyes. ”You good-for-nothing f.u.c.kin' c.u.n.t. You wanted to sleep with other men, didn't you? What's his name?”

”I ... No. Who?” I covered my face with my hands, catching the tears. My mind drifted to our anniversary lunch. Had he seen Dustin? Even if there was nothing between us, Jude would have seen what he wanted to see.

”The man you were running off to be with?” He closed the pen knife and shoved it back into his pocket.

I looked up at him, vigorously shaking my head. ”Honest to G.o.d, Jude. I didn't have ... I would never cheat on you.”

”Liar, you stupid, stupid liar.” His face grew puce with anger and his eyes bulged out of his head. ”Tell me his name or I'll cut your throat right now. Then I'll hunt him down and kill him as well. Maybe I'll bury you both in a ditch somewhere so you can rot together.” He paused. ”When you try to turn your back on me, Haley, people get hurt. Remember that.”

I swallowed hard as tears poured down my cheeks and mixed with some of the snot coming out of my nose. ”Jude. Really. I never. I'll never ...”

He stopped pacing and came to tower over me again. ”Want to see what I do to lying, cheating wh.o.r.es?” He grabbed me by the hair again. Would I even have any hair left after his torture? I scrambled to my feet quickly. He released his grip and shoved me toward the wall I had seen from where I had been sitting. I felt dizzy for a moment, but I begged my body not to crumble. Not yet.

”Look long and hard, b.i.t.c.h.” He pushed my head into the wall, my sore forehead pressed hard again the glossy photos of the women. The images were so close that my vision blurred. He let me go and I backed away from the wall to a distance that allowed me to see. I was heaving and panting by now, and s.h.i.+vering all over.

”Who?” I managed to let out.

”Thought you'd never ask.” He stood behind me, too close.

One woman? A whole wall for just one woman? The longer I looked at the individual photos of a beautiful brunette with what seemed to be waist-length hair and a spattering of freckles on her nose, the bright blue eyes. In all the photos she wore a silver necklace with what looked to be a diamond infinity pendant.

She looked familiar. And her presence was so strong she could have been in the room. Then it clicked. In a way, she was.

”That's the b.i.t.c.h that left me first.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE.

I used the back of my hand to wipe the blurring from my eyes. ”Your ... your mother.” She had to be. Jude had inherited so many of her almost exotic features.

”That's right. The wh.o.r.e ran off with her pimp. Didn't care where I ended up, whether I went to bed hungry or slept in rat-infested beds. She never gave a f.u.c.k what anyone did to me.”

”I'm sorry.” A vision of Jude as a scared small boy appeared in my mind. I now understood where his obsession that drove him to hold on to someone he loved came from. ”Did you see her again?” I wanted to know. Jude had never talked about his family before. Ever. And he had never shown me photos of them, saying they were all dead and he didn't feel the need to talk about them.

He stepped closer to my back and whispered into my ear. ”When the little coward boy finally grew up and lifted himself out of poverty, he went on the search for her.”

I turned to him, feigning sympathy. He must have had a c.r.a.ppy childhood, but after what he did to me, I couldn't care less. But I had to pretend to care, to understand him. ”You found her?”

He grinned and his face suddenly brightened. For a flash of a second, he was the handsome man I had married again. ”Yes, I found her all right.” He smirked. ”Then I killed the b.i.t.c.h.”

Bile shot up my throat and, before I could stop it, exploded out of my mouth and splashed all over the front of the s.h.i.+rt, the wall and the floor.

I whirled around to face him, a string of fear running down my spine. ”Sor ...” I retched again and this time the vomit landed on his shoes.