Part 12 (1/2)
”Have you heard from her lately?”
He sighed deeply. ”I got a text from her a few months ago hinting that she might come to see Sophia. She's done that so many times and failed to show that I don't get excited anymore. I've even had the uncharitable thought that she does it on purpose to torture me.”
”I'm so sorry, Jackson. Believe me, I know what it's like to be alone. It's a dark place, and it's easy to become bitter and resentful. The good news is that no situation is beyond G.o.d's help. Colton and I are living proof of that.”
”Your experience has been an inspiration to me, but it's hard to stay positive sometimes. I understand Hannah's reason for leaving me, but how can she live apart from her daughter?”
”Maybe she thought Sophia would have a better life with you.”
”Well, I've certainly had a better life with Sophia.”
”That could have been another reason she did it.”
In his low moments, Jackson tried to tell himself the same thing. It was a rather futile attempt to justify Hannah's actions and at the same time prove she possessed some positive feelings for him. Nothing close to love, of course. He knew he'd never have that. ”In the meantime, thank you for tomorrow. It's difficult for me to get off work at such short notice.”
”I'm married to a doctor, remember. I know all about trying to cancel patients at the last minute. I'll see you in the morning.”
”Goodbye, Laurel.” Laying the phone on the table, he resumed his efforts to get Casey's arms into her dress. Once that was done, he turned to Sophia. ”Time for bed, pumpkin. We need to brush your teeth, and then you can pick out a book to read.”
Not quite an hour later, Jackson closed the book and slid Sophia off his lap. She went across to her bed and knelt down. Glancing back, she patted the ground beside her. This simple gesture was so reminiscent of Hannah that Jackson winced. How could a little girl who barely remembered her mother be so much like her? A childish voice broke into his thoughts.
”Come on, Daddy. Jesus is waiting.”
Jackson knelt down next to her. ”Okay, you can pray now.”
”Dear Jesus, thank You for my daddy and Freya. I'm sorry I didn't make my bed this morning or finish that yucky oatmeal Daddy asked me to eat. Take care of my mommy and tell her that me and Daddy miss her. Amen.”
She climbed into bed and giggled when Jackson pulled the blanket over her head. He drew it down to her chest and bent to kiss her.
”I love you, Sophia.”
Tiny arms snaked around his neck. ”I love you, too, Daddy.”
Jackson opened the kitchen door to let Freya outside one last time before he went to bed. ”Don't take all night. I've got to be up in six hours.”
He watched through the window as his faithful but naughty dog hit every puddle still remaining from the previous night's storm. In answer to her bark, he opened the door and in she came, muddy paws and all. After making sure she covered most of the tiled floor with her prints, she came back to where he stood, looking at him expectantly.
”I should make you sleep outside for that.” She barked again. ”Yeah, I know. I'm a pushover.” He reached into the jar of dog biscuits. After tossing one into the air, he surveyed the floor and decided it could wait until tomorrow. Turning off the lights, he went to the room he'd been sleeping in since he got married.
Once he was ready for bed, he reached for the Bible on the nightstand. G.o.d and Sophia were the only reasons he hadn't given in to the dark despair that had threatened to overwhelm him after Hannah left. As he'd once told her, the pain and rejection that sometimes comes with loving someone doesn't completely go away, but G.o.d can give a measure of contentment in any situation. He'd found that to be true after his accident, and he was finding it possible now.
His thoughts drifted back to the last time he saw Hannah. She'd appeared at his front door without warning on a rainy winter afternoon.
”Hi, Jackson.” When he just looked at her, she asked, ”Can I come in?”
He opened the door wider, waited her for to step inside and closed the door behind her. He'd imagined this scene often in his mind; he'd even rehea.r.s.ed what he would say. But things seldom go as planned. All he could think about was how desolate he was going to be when she left again.
”I have no right to ask this of you, but could I see Sophia?”
Jackson moved from his position by the door. ”She's your daughter, Hannah. You have every right to see her. Are you in a hurry? I just put her down for a nap.” He knew by her expression that his calm demeanor puzzled her.
”I don't mind waiting.” Her eyes swept over the room and then back to him. ”It all looks the same.”
A sad smile touched his lips. ”As you once said to me, appearances are deceiving. I made coffee. Would you like some?”
Her eyes fell to the ground. ”That would be nice, thank you.”
Jackson walked into the kitchen and removed two cups from the cabinet. He felt more than heard Hannah step into the room.
”I'm sorry, Jackson.”
His hands stilled. ”For what?”
She came up beside him. ”For everything.”
”Is that supposed to make it all better?”
”No, I know nothing will do that. You've lost weight.”
That's what happens when a man doesn't hear from his wife for nine months. ”Are you happy, Hannah?”
A curtain of hair fell forward, hiding her face. ”Will you hate me even more than you do already if I say yes?”
He poured the dark brew into a cup and held it out to her. ”Here you go.” As she took it from him, he said, ”I don't hate you.”
”Are you saying that you still love me?”
”I'll love you forever.”
Hannah was startled by the blaze of raw emotion in Jackson's eyes. His glance peeled away the faade she'd carefully created and maintained over the past few years as if it were a cobweb swept away by an impatient hand. ”I'm sorry about that, too.”
He shrugged. ”Tell me something. Are the statistics any better for a child growing up in a home without a mother?”
”Probably not, but you're better for her than I am.”
”Why do you say that?”
She waved her hand in the air. ”Isn't it obvious? I think only of myself, not a good quality in a mother or a wife. I wanted more than I had here.”
Jackson leaned against the counter. ”And do you have more now?”
”Yes, I do,” she said defiantly.
”Then your reason for being happy is explained.”
Hannah laughed. ”You amaze me, Jackson. Any other man would have shut the door in my face after calling me every name he could think of.”