Part 10 (2/2)

”I've stole a good many things in my time, but I'm here to bet that no other living Hoosier ever stole a railroad conductor, an' Fuller was the only one I ever stole. I stole him slicker 'n a eel. I had him 'fore he knowed it, and you jist better bet he was one clean beat conductor fore I was done wi' 'im.

”I kin tell you the whole affair in a few minutes, and I da' say you'll laugh a good deal 'fore I'm through. You see I went down to Floridy for my health, and when I had about recivered I got onto a b.u.m in Jacksonville and spent all my money and everything else but my very oldest suit o' clothes and my pistol, a Colt's repeater, ten inch barrel. None o' you can't tell how a feller feels in a predicament o'

that sort. Somethin' got into my throat 'bout as big as a egg, and I felt kinder moist about the eyes when I had to stare the fact in the face that I was nigh onto, or possibly quite a thousand miles from home without ary a dime in my pocket. But if there's one thing I do have more 'n another in my nater it's common sense grit. Well, what you s'pose I done? W'y I jest lit out for home afoot. Well, sir, the derndest swamps is them Floridy and Georgy swamps. It's ra'lly all one swamp--the Okeefenokee. I follered the railroad that goes up to Savanny, and it led me deeper and deeper into the outlying fringes of that terrible old bog.

When I had travelled a considerable distance into Georgy, and had pretty well wore my feet off up to my ankle j'ints, and was about as close onto starvation as a 'tater failure in Ireland, and when my under lip had got to hanging down like the skirt o' a wore out saddle, and when every step seemed like it'd be my last, I jest got clean despairing like and concluded to pray a little. So I got down upon my knee j'ints and put up a most extra-ornary supplication. I felt every word o' it, too, in all the marrer of my bones. The place where I was a prayin' was a sort o' hummock spot in a mighty bad part o' the swamp. Some awful tall pines towered stupenjisly above me. Well, jest as I was finished, and was a saying amen, the lordy mercy what a yowl something did give right over me in a tree! I think I jumped as high as your head, stranger, and come down flat-footed onto a railroad cross tie. Whillikins, how I was scared! It was one o' them whooping owls they have down there. It was while I was a running from that 'ere owl a thinkin' it was a panther, that the thought struck me somewhere in the back o' the head that I might steal a ride to Savanny on the first train 'at might pa.s.s. 'I'll try it!' says I, and so I sot right down there in the swamp and calmly waited for a train. In about a hour here come one, like the de'il a braking hemp, jist more'n a roaring through the swamp. I forgot to tell you 'at it was after dark, but the moon was dimly a s.h.i.+ning through the fog that covers everything there o' nights. Well, here come the train, and as she pa.s.sed I made a lunge at the hind platform of the last car and some how or another got onto it and away I went. It was mighty much softer 'n walking, I tell you, and I was pleased as a monkey with a red cap on. My, how fast that train did go! I could hardly hold onto where I wus. You may jist bet I clung on though, and finally I got myself setting down on the steps and then I was all hunkey. But I didn't have much time to enjoy myself there, though, for all of a sudden the light of a lantern s.h.i.+ned on me and then somebody touched me and said--

'Ticket!'

”Mebbe you don't know how onery a feller'll feel sometimes when he hears that 'ere word ticket--'specially when he a'n't got no ticket nor no money to pay his fare, and too, when he does want to ride a little of the derndest! That was my fix! I'd 'a' give a thousand dollars for a half dollar!

'Ticket!'

”He shook me a little this time and held his lantern down low, so's to see into my face. I know I must 'a' looked like the de'il.

'Ticket here, quick!'

'I've done paid,' said I.

'Show your check then.'

'Lost it,' says I.

'Money, then, quick!'

'Got none,' says I.

'What the ---- did you git onto my train for without ticket or money?

How do you expect to travel without paying, you ---- lousy vagabond! You can't steal from me; out with your ---- wallet and gi' me the money!

Hurry up!'

'A'n't got no wallet nor no money,' says I.

'Well, I'll dump you off right here, then,' said he, reaching for the bell-rope to stop the train.

'For the Lord's sake let me ride to Savanny!' says I.

'A dam Northerner, I know from your voice!' said he, pulling the rope.

The train began to slack and soon stopped.

'Get off!' said the conductor.

'Please l'me ride!' says I.

'Off with you!'

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