Part 8 (1/2)

”Where is he now?” Zach asked, lifting his head and meeting Bull's gaze.

”He's dead,” Bull answered, and Zach lowered his head back to his shoulder.

”Is that why you're so closed off sometimes?” Zach asked. Bull had been lazily rubbing Zach's back. He stilled his hand.

”Maybe. I don't know. Things between Junior and me were rocky-sometimes really good, other times not so much. Things ended badly, and then they ended for him permanently.” Bull sighed. He didn't want to talk about this. ”We don't have to talk about everything, do we?”

Zach lifted himself up. ”No.” He continued s.h.i.+fting away from him. ”You know, I heard the rumors that all you wanted were guys to take home to f.u.c.k,” he told Bull and got off the bed. ”I guess I was pretty stupid to think I might be different. That you saw me as something more.” Zach hurried around the room, gathering his clothes. ”All that nice talk and everything else was just a huge pile of s.h.i.+t to get me to sleep with you, wasn't it?”

”No,” Bull said. ”It certainly was not. If that was all I wanted, I could get that any night.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he'd kept his big mouth shut.

”Yeah, you probably could. So was I some challenge?” Zach began pulling on his clothes.

Bull climbed off the bed and walked to where Zach was working to yank on his s.h.i.+rt. ”It wasn't like that at all. I care for you, and you are much more than just s.e.x. But there are things that are hard for me to talk about.” At least that made Zach pause. ”To answer your question, yes, I think Junior is the reason I keep away from everyone. You can't get hurt if no one gets close.”

”And you always guarantee you end up alone,” Zach added. Bull knew he was right, but he wasn't ready to talk about what had happened. Too many things had all gotten wound together for him to just open up.

”Give me some time,” Bull asked and reached out to Zach before gently pulling him into his arms, although honestly he wasn't sure which of them was in real need of comforting. ”I haven't thought about all these things in a long time. I need a chance to process it.”

”How can you not think about it? Do you have some superpower that allows you to forget the stuff you want to? Because, man, I'd like to be able to do that. I could forget about what my uncle did to me and what happened to my parents. I could wipe away the fact that everyone I grew up with hates me because of who I am.” Zach trembled, and Bull held him tighter. ”I'd really like to forget that part,” Zach whispered against his neck.

”It doesn't work like that. But you learn to suppress things, and I've kept a lot of stuff locked away for a long time,” Bull said. He was really good at it. All the mental military training came in very handy. Whatever he didn't like or couldn't deal with, he simply pushed aside and never thought or talked about again. At first it was difficult, but after a while it got easier and easier, though he'd gotten grouchier and pulled away from more and more of the people in his life. ”G.o.ddammit!”

”What?” Zach asked.

”My mother was right.” d.a.m.n, he hated when that happened. Bull led Zach to the bathroom, where they cleaned up the remnants from earlier, and then they went back to the bedroom. They climbed on the bed, and Bull held Zach while staring at the ceiling, wondering just what he'd unlock if he opened that huge box of c.r.a.p he'd been carrying.

Chapter 6.

ZACH HAD HAD no idea what to think. He'd talked to Bull a few times over the past few days, but he was having a hard time with the way Bull kept everything closed off and bottled up inside. ”I want to be in a relations.h.i.+p with someone I trust,” he told his buddies as he set a bowl of chips on the coffee table. no idea what to think. He'd talked to Bull a few times over the past few days, but he was having a hard time with the way Bull kept everything closed off and bottled up inside. ”I want to be in a relations.h.i.+p with someone I trust,” he told his buddies as he set a bowl of chips on the coffee table.

”Sometimes it takes time. Trust doesn't happen overnight, and for some people trust has to be earned,” Jeremy said as he reached for a handful of chips and then began popping them into his mouth one at a time.

”I just don't know.” Zach flopped onto the sofa and grabbed his sketchpad from the coffee table before something got spilled on it. He'd made a lot of progress on his comic and the story seemed to be coming along well. He'd decided that when his hero was in bull form, he wouldn't be able to speak. He could only grunt and growl the way Bull seemed to when he was angry or trying to avoid a subject. Kevin took the pad and began looking through it. ”Did I tell you about this guy Bull called Spook, who was watching us when we went to lunch?” Zach said. ”Bull said he was someone from his past. Then he said this Spook guy was nothing for us to worry about because if he'd wanted to hurt us we'd already have known it. I mean, what else is going to show up? I already met his mother. She makes Jane Fonda in Monster-in-Law Monster-in-Law look like Julie Andrews.” look like Julie Andrews.”

Kevin closed the sketchpad and whapped him on the head with it. ”Doesn't matter what you say, we know the truth. Every time you talk about the big lug, you go all gooey-eyed. You care for him and you're sitting here worried about him.”

”I just wish he'd talk to me,” Zach said. After what they'd done, he was feeling a little insecure, because no matter what Bull said, Zach was still afraid he was just a lay and nothing more.

”Give him time. This is the kind of guy who doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve. He has secrets and he's done things that he can't talk about.” Jeremy munched on another chip and turned back to the television. ”You said he was a mercenary, and to get the job done those guys sometimes have to do things that aren't necessarily aboveboard.”

”Yeah,” Zach said, leaning back on the cus.h.i.+on. ”I just wish he'd tell me instead of hiding stuff.”

Kevin snorted, as did Tristan. ”You have things you don't want to talk about. So does he, and he's older than you, so he has more years of dumb stuff to not talk about. Give the guy a break,” Kevin told him. ”Bull obviously likes you. He actually talks to you without grunting, growling, or telling you to get the h.e.l.l out of the line.”

”Did it ever occur to you that he might have reasons for not wanting you to know?” Tristan asked, and everyone turned to him. ”Maybe there are dangerous things in his past. He actually said there was nothing to worry about because if this Spook guy wanted to hurt you guys, you'd already know it. That sounds pretty ominous to me. I mean, this is Harrisburg, not some hotbed of spy-versus-spy stuff, and yet he's got a guy watching him who could kill him?” Tristan s.h.i.+fted closer to the edge of his seat. ”If you want my advice, I'd say ignorance is bliss, and I sure as h.e.l.l hope none of Bull's friends-or worse, enemies-are following me around.” Tristan reached for the bowl of chips and then stopped. ”Have you seen anyone else following you or had the feeling you were being watched?”

”No,” Zach said, but Tristan had a good point, and his nerves went through the roof. ”But I probably wouldn't know unless they decided to confront me or something.” G.o.d, what if they tried to kidnap him or hurt him to get at Bull? Would Bull even care? Zach s.h.i.+vered and slumped into the sofa cus.h.i.+ons.

”Okay, that's enough,” Kevin told Tristan. ”All you're doing is scaring Zach.” Tristan and Kevin had a mini glare-fest for a few seconds, and then Kevin turned to him. ”On a brighter note, did you notice that Brantley wasn't in the office today?”

Zach smiled slightly. He'd had a great day at work. The tension usually present in the office seemed, if not gone, at least less intense. ”I thought he was on vacation or something,” Zach said.

”He is. A permanent one. It seems a list of the c.r.a.p he'd been pulling managed to filter its way to the president's office.” Kevin grinned and tilted his head to the side modestly.

”You didn't,” Zach said, and Kevin shrugged. ”How?”

”Let's just say it looks like some anonymous person saved a bunch of doc.u.mentation, dumped it into an envelope, and when they were in New York, dropped it into the mail.” Kevin could barely sit still. ”He was pulling so much junk that could get him in trouble, it wasn't even funny.”

Zach took a deep breath and then released it. That was one huge complication in his life that had been removed.

”Is there any more beer?” Jeremy asked as he added his bottle to the small collection of empties on the coffee table.

”No, those were the last of them,” Zach said. He'd thought he had another case. ”There's a beer distributor just around the corner. I can get some more.” Zach stood up and started heading to the door.

”It isn't really necessary,” Jeremy said.

”Come on, guys,” Kevin encouraged. ”We're celebrating the demise of one of the world's great a.s.sholes. We have to have one more beer so we can toast our freedom.”

”I'll go with you,” Jeremy offered, and he followed Zach out of the apartment and down to the sidewalk. ”So,” Jeremy began as they walked. ”You really like this guy, don't you?”

”Yeah,” Zach admitted with a smile. ”He's, like, hard as rock on the outside, but melty chocolate on the inside. He growls a lot and looks tough, but he's always nice and kind to me. I don't know why he shows that side of himself to me sometimes, but he does, and I keep thinking that's a big leap for him.”

”Are you sure about all this?” Jeremy asked. ”Not that I want to put a damper on your happiness or anything, because you're a good friend, and you've been happier these past few weeks. It's good to see. You weren't sour or anything before, but you have a spark you didn't have before.” Jeremy nudged his side. ”Or is that because you're getting laid?”

”Maybe a combination of both,” Zach offered wickedly and then broke down into laughter. ”The s.e.x was nice, but....”

”You want something more?” Jeremy asked. ”You sound like a girl.”

”I do not. My folks loved each other and cared for each other and me. I know yours divorced, but I saw how happy my mom and dad were when they were together. It didn't matter how bad things got, because they had each other. I guess I want that same thing.” Zach glanced at Jeremy as they walked. ”Maybe I should just sow my wild oats and screw everything that moves, but I don't want a revolving door on my bedroom.”

”Does Bull want the same thing? See, that's the trick: both people wanting the same thing at the same time, and maybe he doesn't,” Jeremy said as they approached the corner. ”He is older than you....”

”Yeah, so he should be ready to settle down,” Zach said. ”After all, I already met his mother and survived it. You'd think that since I didn't go running for the hills I'd be a definite keeper.”

Jeremy chuckled slightly. ”Maybe he'll never want to settle down. Have you thought of that? Or maybe he wants someone his own age.” Zach growled, and Jeremy giggled. ”Did you pick that up from him?” Zach growled again and held his serious expression for about two seconds, then smiled. He knew what Jeremy said was a possibility, but one he didn't want to fathom. He really liked Bull, and he thought Bull liked him. He hoped Bull more more than liked him, but he wasn't going to go too far down that route. than liked him, but he wasn't going to go too far down that route.

They approached the beer store, and Zach held the door open for Jeremy. ”This is such a pain,” Jeremy mumbled as they walked inside. The alcohol purchase system in Pennsylvania was bizarre to say the least. Wine and liquor had to be purchased at the state stores, six-packs of beer could only be purchased in bars, and beer by the case was only sold at beer distributors. ”The whole system sucks,” Jeremy continued as they wandered down the aisles stacked with cases of beer.

”I know,” Zach said as he trailed behind. They had this same conversation whenever they were together and alcohol shopping was on the agenda. They found what they wanted, and Zach lifted the case of Miller Lite to carry it to the registers. ”Jeremy,” he whispered, and motioned him over from where he'd been looking at the Sam Adams none of them could afford. ”That's the guy,” he said, turning toward the back of the aisle as Spook rounded the end of the aisle.

”Are you sure?” Jeremy asked. ”What's he doing here? Do you think the business is a front for something?”

”What should I do?” As soon as the question crossed his lips, he knew Jeremy was going to be no help. Zach pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped in Bull's number as he left the aisle, moving in the opposite direction of the other man. ”Bull,” Zach whispered when his call was answered.

”Are you okay?” Bull asked.