Part 12 (1/2)

”That's a dear two pen'oth,” chimed in a common-looking man on the seat behind.

”Oh, that's impossible, dear,” returned the other, ”because I owed you sixpence to begin with.”

”But I did,” persisted the first lady.

”You gave me a s.h.i.+lling,” said the conductor, who had returned, pointing an accusing forefinger at the elder of the ladies.

The elder lady nodded.

”And I gave you sixpence and two pennies, didn't I?”

The lady admitted it.

”An' I give 'er”--he pointed towards the younger lady--”fourpence, didn't I?”

”Which I gave you, you know, dear,” remarked the younger lady.

”Blow me if it ain't _me_ as 'as been cheated out of the fourpence,”

cried the conductor.

”But,” said the florid gentleman, ”the other lady gave you sixpence.”

”Which I give to 'er,” replied the conductor, again pointing the finger of accusation at the elder lady. ”You can search my bag if yer like. I ain't got a bloomin' sixpence on me.”

By this time everybody had forgotten what they had done, and contradicted themselves and one another. The florid man took it upon himself to put everybody right, with the result that before Piccadilly Circus was reached three pa.s.sengers had threatened to report the conductor for unbecoming language. The conductor had called a policeman and had taken the names and addresses of the two ladies, intending to sue them for the fourpence (which they wanted to pay, but which the florid man would not allow them to do); the younger lady had become convinced that the elder lady had meant to cheat her, and the elder lady was in tears.

The florid gentleman and myself continued to Charing Cross Station. At the booking office window it transpired that we were bound for the same suburb, and we journeyed down together. He talked about the fourpence all the way.

At my gate we shook hands, and he was good enough to express delight at the discovery that we were near neighbours. What attracted him to myself I failed to understand, for he had bored me considerably, and I had, to the best of my ability, snubbed him. Subsequently I learned that it was a peculiarity of his to be charmed with anyone who did not openly insult him.

Three days afterwards he burst into my study unannounced--he appeared to regard himself as my bosom friend--and asked me to forgive him for not having called sooner, which I did.

”I met the postman as I was coming along,” he said, handing me a blue envelope, ”and he gave me this, for you.”

I saw it was an application for the water-rate.

”We must make a stand against this,” he continued. ”That's for water to the 29th September. You've no right to pay it in June.”

I replied to the effect that water-rates had to be paid, and that it seemed to me immaterial whether they were paid in June or September.

”That's not it,” he answered, ”it's the principle of the thing. Why should you pay for water you have never had? What right have they to bully you into paying what you don't owe?”

He was a fluent talker, and I was a.s.s enough to listen to him. By the end of half an hour he had persuaded me that the question was bound up with the inalienable rights of man, and that if I paid that fourteen and tenpence in June instead of in September, I should be unworthy of the privileges my forefathers had fought and died to bestow upon me.

He told me the company had not a leg to stand upon, and at his instigation I sat down and wrote an insulting letter to the chairman.

The secretary replied that, having regard to the att.i.tude I had taken up, it would be inc.u.mbent upon themselves to treat it as a test case, and presumed that my solicitors would accept service on my behalf.

When I showed him this letter he was delighted.