Part 6 (1/2)

It didn't want no stable, it didn't ask no groom, It didn't need no nothin' but a bit o' standin' room.

Just fill it up with paraffin an' it would go all day, Which the same should be agin the law if I could 'ave my way.

Well, master took 'is motor-car, an' moted 'ere an' there, A frightenin' the 'orses an' a poisonin' the air.

'E wore a bloomin' yachtin' cap, but Lor'! wot _did_ 'e know, Excep' that if you turn a screw the thing would stop or go?

An' then one day it wouldn't go. 'E screwed and screwed again, But somethin' jammed, an' there 'e stuck in the mud of a country lane.

It 'urt 'is pride most cruel, but what was 'e to do?

So at last 'e bade me fetch a 'orse to pull the motor through.

This was the 'orse we fetched 'im; an' when we reached the car, We braced 'im tight and proper to the middle of the bar, And buckled up 'is traces and lashed them to each side, While 'e 'eld 'is 'ead so 'aughtily, an' looked most dignified.

Not bad tempered, mind you, but kind of pained and vexed, And 'e seemed to say, 'Well, bli' me! wot _will_ they ask me next?

I've put up with some liberties, but this caps all by far, To be a.s.sistant engine to a crocky motor-car!'

Well, master 'e was in the car, a-fiddlin' with the gear, And the 'orse was meditatin', an' I was standin' near, When master 'e touched somethin'-what it was we'll never know- But it sort o' spurred the boiler up and made the engine go.

''Old 'ard, old gal!' says master, and 'Gently then!' says I, But an engine won't 'eed coaxin' an' it ain't no use to try; So first 'e pulled a lever, an' then 'e turned a screw, But the thing kept crawlin' forrard spite of all that 'e could do.

And first it went quite slowly and the 'orse went also slow, But 'e 'ad to buck up faster when the wheels began to go; For the car kept crowdin' on 'im and b.u.t.tin' 'im along, And in less than 'alf a minute, sir, that 'orse was goin' strong.

At first 'e walked quite dignified, an' then 'e 'ad to trot, And then 'e tried a canter when the pace became too 'ot.

'E looked 'is very 'aughtiest, as if 'e didn't 'e mind, And all the time the motor-car was pus.h.i.+n' 'im be'ind.

Now, master lost 'is 'ead when 'e found 'e couldn't stop, And 'e pulled a valve or somethin' an' somethin' else went pop, An' somethin' else went fizzywiz, and in a flash, or less, That blessed car was goin' like a limited express.

Master 'eld the steerin' gear, an' kept the road all right, And away they whizzed and clattered-my aunt! it was a sight.

'E seemed the finest draught 'orse as ever lived by far, For all the country Juggins thought 'twas 'im wot pulled the car.

'E was stretchin' like a grey'ound, 'e was goin' all 'e knew; But it b.u.mped an' shoved be'ind 'im, for all that 'e could do; It b.u.t.ted 'im an' boosted 'im an' spanked 'im on a'ead, Till 'e broke the ten-mile record, same as I already said.

Ten mile in twenty minutes! 'E done it, sir. That's true.

The only time we ever found what that 'ere 'orse could do.

Some say it wasn't 'ardly fair, and the papers made a fuss, But 'e broke the ten-mile record, and that's good enough for us.

You see that 'orse's tail, sir? You don't! No more do we, Which really ain't surprisin', for 'e 'as no tail to see; That engine wore it off 'im before master made it stop, And all the road was littered like a bloomin' barber's shop.

And master? Well, it cured 'im. 'E altered from that day, And come back to 'is 'orses in the good old-fas.h.i.+oned way.

And if you wants to git the sack, the quickest way by far Is to 'int as 'ow you think 'e ought to keep a motor-car.

WITH THE CHIDDINGFOLDS

The horse is bedded down Where the straw lies deep.

The hound is in the kennel; Let the poor hound sleep!

And the fox is in the spinney By the run which he is haunting, And I'll lay an even guinea That a goose or two is wanting When the farmer comes to count them in the morning.

The horse is up and saddled; Girth the old horse tight!

The hounds are out and drawing In the morning light.

Now it's 'Yoick!' among the heather, And it's 'Yoick!' across the clover, And it's 'To him, all together!'

'Hyke a Bertha! Hyke a Rover!'