Part 34 (2/2)

190I don't think he's Captain Honesty because of any great moral obligation. Rather, his short-term memory stinks, so it's easier to just be truthful.

191My college nickname. My brother was Blaster. For almost a year, one of my best friends in the fraternity didn't know my real name.

192Or at least appeared to be in my young mind.

193And shortly thereafter discovered the joys of overcompensation.

194The dirty hippies have permanently ruined the Beatles for me. Thanks a lot, a.s.sholes.

195Thank G.o.d, our dry cleaner was able to let out the seams, or else I'd feel like a sausage.

196Which totally smells like Dreamsicles.

197I still say it was a mistake anyone could have made. They were in a pretty box from a Las Vegas hotel! What kid wouldn't like them?

198She is on the mend and can go twelve hours without her pain meds, thus proving that she's far tougher than I will ever be. Case in point, Fletch once had to confiscate the pills I got when I injured my back. Apparently when he heard me singing the ”I-Like-O-Din Vicodin” song, he determined that my usage had become more recreational than medicinal.

199As soon as the youngest one turns ten, I'm teaching them all to smoke and swear.

200Mom.

201Dad.

202Todd.

203Vanilla Ice WAS groundbreaking-so there.

204I use the term help very loosely.

205Whoever said, ”Children need choices,” deserves a swift kick in the a.s.s.

206Yeah, sure. Who leaves the country for a whole month? He probably got some cheesy reality show gig.

207You'd be surprised at the amount of lease law a gal can learn when researching loopholes in eviction proceedings.

208 Dear G.o.d, I can only hope the ring bearer stayed out of our way.

209Yes, I was the only person dancing.

210$4026 times a year = Merry Christmas!

211Canada can keep Bryan Adams.

212I think it's obvious at this point that I haven't learned a d.a.m.n thing.

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