Part 55 (1/2)

”Tran, tranq, tranquit.i.ty,” Caroline paused, trying to sound out a word.

”Tranquility,” my mom, said helping her out.

”What's that mean?” she asked, looking up to her.

”It means quiet, calmness, stillness,” she answered.

”Oh, like peace. That makes sense,” she decided and got back to her reading.

I loved the affectionate look in my mother's eyes as she stared at me. She really was happy that I was there.

She read the next chapter and then I read the next. I had actually started getting into the book when my chapter was over. It was about a ten year old boy and an eight year old girl, lost on an island.

Caroline and I both lay down, and my mom tucked her and kissed her on the head.

”I love you,” she said.

”Love you too, mom.”

I wasn't sure how to react to my mother's affection when she did the same thing to me. She pulled my quilt up and kissed me on the head just like she had Caroline. She brushed my hair from my forehead and kissed me too.

”I love you, Morgan, and I am so glad that you are here.”

”Me too,” I said. I couldn't make myself tell her that I loved her too. I could only remember her saying it once in my life, and that was when she left me. I wasn't ready to say that just yet.

I woke to Caroline shaking me in the morning.

”Morgan, come on. It's day light,” she said, trying to coax me out of bed.

I opened my eyes and realized where I was. I stumbled to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, pulled on a pair of shorts, and a tank top. She wasn't lying. It was daylight... barely. I slipped on my flip-flops and followed her out.

We walked way down the beach, at least a mile and a half. She wanted to start as far south as we could go and then slowly make our way back. We searched the many piles of pebbles, rocks and sh.e.l.ls washed up from the previous night's storm. I found a piece right away. It was the most common, Kelly green, but it was still a nice piece. We were moving like a couple of snails, searching for our treasures. I still couldn't see the house, and I wanted coffee. Little Ms. Caroline on the other hand was engrossed and wasn't about to pick up her dawdling pace.

She was on a mission.

We were almost back to the house by the time Caroline finally found a piece. I was so hoping that she did. She looked so b.u.mmed because she hadn't found anything. She found a rather rare piece. It was lime green, and I listened to her explain to me that it was probably from a soda bottle from the sixties. I already knew what she was telling me, but didn't dare put a damper on her enthusiasm.

Our mother was getting worried by the time we finally made it back to the house four hours later. I felt tired, and could have used a nap. She poured me a cup of coffee and had to make Caroline sit down long enough to eat something. One of the guests was surfing and wanted her to come. She didn't want to eat. She wanted to go play.

She scarfed down the egg sandwich and was off.

Jason kissed my mom and left too. She explained that he always stayed near by without her knowing when she ran off to surf. He worried about her being in the hands of strangers, she explained with a smile.

My ten minute visit to tell my mother what I had thought about her leaving her kids to go create a better life for herself had turned into six weeks. I didn't want to leave. I liked bunking with Caroline, and we had started the second book in the Lost, series. I still had not heard one word from Drew or Dawson. I liked being there, pretending that I was a little girl in a real family. I knew that I couldn't continue the charade for much longer, although I was sure that my mother and Caroline would have loved for me to do just that. I had to get back to life.

My life. Whatever that was.

It was looking like I would be finding a place to plant my roots alone. I was pretty sure that I was okay with that. I needed a fresh start. My mother's success had made me feel like it was okay not to choose either one of the men that I loved. Maybe I would find a man that loved me as much as Jason loved her, and I would eventually have a little girl as neat as Caroline.

I may be doing that sooner than planned. I was freaking out one evening, pacing back and forth on the deck.

”Hey, you okay?” my mom asked, coming to join me.

”I don't think that I am,” I said running my fingers through my hair.

”Go play for a little bit, honey,” my mom told Caroline when she came skipping around the other side.

”What's going on, Morgan?” she asked.

”I'm late,” I stated.

”Oh, boy. How late are you?”

”Three days.”

”That's not a lot,” she tried to make me feel better.

”It is for me. I'm never later.” This couldn't be happening right now. I was on the pill. I never missed a pill, and I never missed a period. I would take my mother's advice and feed myself to the sharks if I was pregnant.

”Do you want to go into town and get a test?” she asked.

”No. That's going to make it real,” I a.s.sured her.

She smiled. ”Would this baby be Drew's or the sheriffs?”

I shook my head. My mother was going to deem me a cheating s.l.u.t without ever knowing the truth. ”I couldn't even begin to pinpoint it. I slept with Drew the Friday before I came here and Dawson the very next day.”

”I'm not going to judge you, Morgan,” she said as though she was reading my mind. ”I had three kids from three different fathers. Caroline was the only one that was conceived with the man I was married to.”

I snapped my head to her. ”What do you mean?” I asked.

”The drunken, low life father that you grew up with isn't Justin's real dad either,” she admitted.

”He isn't?”

She shook her head. ”His dad was a trucker, Mad Dog,” she added. I was sure she didn't know his real name. ”I don't think your dad was able to have kids. You were seven by the time I had Justin, and I had never used any form of birth control. I slept with a trucker once and got pregnant.”

”Did he know?”

”He suspected, but I never admitted to it.”

”Oh G.o.d, mom. I can't be pregnant. What the h.e.l.l am I going to do?”

”Let's go to town,” she coaxed.

Caroline pouted because her dad told her that she had to stay with him. I promised her that I would do something fun with her later. That satisfied her, but she still wanted to go along.

I rode with my head against the cool gla.s.s of my BMW. My mother drove. I didn't mind, I was having a nervous breakdown. I was having a hard enough time reminding myself to breathe. My mother tried to console me, but it wasn't working. I knew with everything in me that I was pregnant. I just had a feeling. Going to buy a pregnancy test was pointless. I knew it with everything in me.