Part 30 (1/2)

Besides, I shall never marry _anybody_! But I mean, I don't see why it isn't enough for you to have me awfully fond of you?”

”Well, it isn't,” Johnny said, briefly, ”but don't you worry.” He was white, but his tenderness was like a new sense. Edith had never seen _this_ Johnny. Her entirely selfish impatience turned to shyness.

”Edith,” he said, very gently, ”you don't understand, dear. You're awfully young--younger than your age. I didn't take in how young you were--talking about Maurice! I suppose it's because you know so few girls, that you are so young. Well; I can't hang round with you any more, as if we were ten years old. You see, I--I love you, Edith. That makes the difference ... dear.”

”Oh,” said Edith, desperately, ”how perfectly _horrid_--” She looked really distracted, poor child! (but that was the moment when her preposterous youthfulness ceased.) She jumped to her feet so suddenly that Johnny, who had begun, his fingers trembling, to sc.r.a.pe out the bowl of his pipe, dropped his jackknife, which rolled down the steeply sloping rock into the water. ”Oh, I'm so sorry!” Edith said.

John sighed. ”Oh, that's nothing,” he said, and slid over the moss and ferns to the water's edge; there, lying flat on his stomach, his sleeve rolled up, he thrust his bare white arm into the dark and troutless depths of the pool, and salvaged his knife. Edith, on the bank, began furiously to pack up. When Johnny climbed back to her she said she wanted to go home, ”_now_!”

”All right,” he said again, gently.

So, silently, they started homeward; and never in her life had Edith been so glad to see any human creature as she was to see Maurice on the West Branch Road! But she let him do all the talking. To herself she was saying, ”It's all Eleanor's fault for not letting him come this morning!

I just hate her!...”

That night her father said to her mother, rather sadly, ”Mary, our little girl has grown up. Johnny Bennett is casting sheep's eyes at her.”

”Nonsense!” said Mary Houghton, comfortably; ”she's a perfect child, and so is he.”

CHAPTER XIX

Curiously enough, though Edith's mother did not recognize what was going on between ”the children,” Eleanor did. When she came back to Mercer, a week later, she overflowed about it to Maurice. ”Calf love!” she summed it up.

”She didn't look down on that kind of love seven years ago,” he thought, cynically. But he didn't say so; no matter what his thoughts were, he was always kind to Eleanor. Lily, over in Medfield; Lily, in the small, secret house; Lily, with the good-looking little boy--blue-eyed, rosy-cheeked, blond-haired!--the squalid memory of Lily, said to him, over and over: ”You are a confounded liar; so the least you can do is to be decent to Eleanor.”

So he was kind.

”_I_ couldn't bear myself,” he used to think, ”if I wasn't--but, _O_ Lord!”

That ”_O_ Lord!” was his summing up of a growing and demoralizing sense of the worthlessness and unreality of life. Like Solomon (and all the rest of us, who see the universe as a mirror for ourselves!) he appraised humanity at his valuation of himself. He didn't use Solomon's six words, but the eight of his generation were just as exact--”_The whole blooming outfit is a rotten lie!_ If,” he reflected, ”deceit isn't on my 'Lily' line, it is on a thousand other lines.” From the small cowardices of appreciations and admirations which one did not really feel, up through the bread-and-b.u.t.ter necessities of business, on into the ridiculousness of what is called ”Democracy” or ”Liberty”--on, even, into those emotional evasions of logic and reason labeled ”Religion”--all lies--all lies! he told himself. ”And I,” he used to think, looking back on seven years of marriage, ”I am the most accomplished liar of the whole shootin' match!... If they get off that G.

Was.h.i.+ngton gag on me any more at the office, somebody'll get their head punched.”

All the same, even if he did say, ”_O_ Lord!” he was carefully kind to his boring wife.

But when Edith (suddenly grown up, it seemed to Maurice) came back for the fall term, he said ”_O_ Lord!” less frequently. The world began to seem to him a less rotten place. ”Nice to have you round again, Skeezics!” he told her; and Eleanor, listening, went up to her room, and sat with her fingers pressed hard on her eyes. ”It's dreadful to have her around! How _can_ I get rid of her?” she thought. Very often now the flame of jealousy flared up; it scorched her whenever she recognized Edith's ”brains,” whenever she noticed some gay fearlessness, or easy capability; whenever she watched the girl's high-handed treatment of Maurice: criticizing him! Telling him he was mean because he was always saying he ”couldn't afford things”! Declaring that she wished he would stop his everlasting practicing--and apparently not caring a copper for him! If Edith said, ”Oh, Maurice, you are a perfect _idiot_!” Eleanor would see him grin with pleasure; but when Eleanor put her arms around him and kissed him, he sighed. To Maurice's wife these things were all like oil on fire; but it never occurred to her to try to develop in herself any of the qualities he seemed to find attractive in Edith.

Instead, she thought of that June day in the meadow by the river when he said he loved her inefficiency--he loved her timidity, and, oh, how he had loved her love! He had made her promise to be jealous! Eleanor was not a reasoning person--probably no jealous woman is; but she did recognize the fact that what made him love her then, made him impatient with her now. This seemed to her irrational; and so, of course, it was!--just as the tide is irrational, or the turning of the earth on its axis is irrational. Nature has nothing to do with reason. So, in its deep and beautiful and animal beginnings, Love, too, is irrational. It has to ascend to Reason! But Eleanor did not know these things. All she knew was that Maurice _hurt_ her, a dozen times a day.

She was brooding over this one Sunday afternoon in late September, when, at the open window of her bedroom, with Bingo snoozing in her lap, she listened to Edith, down in the garden: ”How about a jug of dahlias on the table?”

And Maurice: ”Bully! Say, Edith, why couldn't we have a yellow scheme for the grub? Orange cup, and that sort of fussy business you make out of cheese and the yolks of eggs? And yellow cakes?”

”Splendid! I'll mix up some perfectly stunning little sponge cakes, 'Lemon Queens.' Yellow as anything!”

This was all to get ready for a tea under the silver poplar, which was dropping yellow leaves down on the green table, and the mossy brick path, and the chairs for the company. The Mortons were coming, and there would be, Eleanor told herself, wearily, the usual shrieking over flat jokes,--Edith's jokes, mostly. Her dislike of Edith was a burning ache below her breastbone. ”Maurice has her, so he doesn't want me,” she thought; then suddenly she got up and hurried downstairs. ”I'll fix the table!” she said, peremptorily.

”It's all done,” Edith said; ”doesn't it look pretty? Oh, Eleanor, let me put a dahlia behind your ear! You'll look like a Spanish lady!” She put the gorgeous flower into the soft disorder of Eleanor's dark hair, avoiding Bingo's angry objections, and said, with open admiration, ”Eleanor, you _are_ handsome! I adore dahlias!” she announced; ”those quilly ones, red on the outside and yellow inside! There are some stunning ones on Maple Street, where I saw that Dale woman. Wonder if she'd sell some roots?”

The color flew into Maurice's face. ”Did you get your bicycle mended?”