188 Hearts Desires (2/2)

Rin stiffened up to his words. She narrowed her eyes. The light in her normally clear, bright eyes instantly darkened.

Was it all worth it?

For years, she stopped being a woman. She killed numerous people through the last few years she could no longer keep track.

All of this was done to become stronger. To get closer to killing Li Chang and overtaking the Eastern Empire.

She had given up so much. To let it all go without a thought…she never considered it.

Rin suppressed her turbulent emotions and took in a deep breath, shoving all her terrifying thoughts to the bottom of her heart.

”When I fell off the cliff that day, I thought I died. I thought everything finally was coming to an end. But life continued. My life that day didn't end but continued. It had begun all over again.”

”Since then...I'm terrified of dying and letting everything be in vain.”

The people she lost...her mother, Governor Tao, Jia...all of them would be in vain.

”I care about my family, more than anyone else. More than anything, I want to protect them. Even if my attempts to succeed my purpose are in vain, I have to try.”

Her throat suddenly felt dry to the point that speaking was painful. ”I know it's a thoughtless and cruel decision on my part, but I don't…I don't want to lose someone again…”

The words left her mouth on their own, bursting out from deep within her heart. Rin's eyes were sore. When she closed and re-opened her eyes, her blurred vision became clear as hot tears flowed down her cheek.

Her heart was in too much pain for words, and she couldn't bear the feeling that threatened to swallow her from head to toe. Rin tucked her head into her knees.

At the same time, An Sun's expression fluctuated. He was looking at her with an expression as if he was struck by lightning. Never had he heard her reveal her thoughts in such lengths.

He felt a mix of emotions flood his chest. Surprise, pain, confusion, and…joy?

However, those feelings quickly went away upon noticing the slight trembling in her shoulders.

She was crying.

He frowned as if he was hurting somewhere, then his expression turned heavy. Once more, he was always uncertain of what to do in these situations. Even more so now that he knew she was a girl.

Had it been a man, he would have roughly patted them on the shoulder and spoke some short, reassuring words.

Now, however, he strangely felt the need to be delicate. Cautious if you must.

An Sun stared intensely at the top of her head. Slowly, he extended his hand when he suddenly paused. He stayed there for a few seconds before his hand clenched into a fist and he retracted it back to his side.

He leaned back against the pillar and let out a deep sigh. ”Sacrifice is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to.”

An Sun's voice managed to summon some of Rin's wits back. She blinked at him in a dazed manner with tears in her eyes, as if urging him to continue his explanation.

His eyes remained unseeingly fixed on her. At length, he said in a low voice, ”It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard, is figuring out what you're willing to give up to do the things you care about. If you want peace, it demands the noblest labor and the most difficult sacrifice. Regardless of what those you love think, choose the path you believe is best.”

Rin stared at him with wide eyes. She was shocked by his unexpected, yet sincere words. Suddenly, she let out a loud laugh.

”If that was your way of consoling me then it worked.” Her eyes and cheeks were all wet with tears and her smile seemed like an illusion. ”Thank you, An Sun. I hope you follow what your heart wishes for as well.”

An Sun's throat felt sore, so he stopped talking and audibly cleared his throat. Rin stared at his stiff expression and couldn't help but smile further. While she knew from previous situations that An Sun was awkward during emotional moments; she never knew he would be so shy.

It was charming.

Suddenly, in a low but firm voice he said: ”But while following your purpose, you must live well. Take care of yourself. If not for you then for…your family's sake.”

Rin blinked her eyes before lowering her gaze. ”I'll try.”

Not very pleased with her response, An Sun frowned. He opened his mouth to speak but decided to keep silent.

At the very least, he was glad she agreed.

[I hope you follow what your heart wishes for]

An Sun suddenly seemed to recall the words he said to Yun Suyin in the bathroom.

[You are not who I wish for]

What his heart wished for…What did his heart wish for? Or more so, who?

From the corner of his vision, An Sun glanced at the girl sitting beside him. The tears from her cheeks had been wiped, however, her eyes were still a little red. It oddly made her appear softer, more delicate.

His throat tightened, and his eyes deepened. He quickly looked away and covered his eyes with a hand.

Rin noticed his odd behavior and tilted her head.

”What's wrong?” She looked up at him with her lovely eyes, which contained an intelligent glint.

An Sun lowered his hand from his eyes and sighed. He gazed up at the sky with a bitter gaze.

”I need a drink.”