Part 7 (1/2)

But, layin' aside _pleasure_ for business, I've brought you my little boy Jim; And I thought I would see if you couldn't make an editor outen of him.

”My family stock is increasin', while other folks' seems to run short.

I've got a right smart of a family--it's one of the old-fas.h.i.+oned sort: There's Ichabod, Isaac, and Israel, a-workin' away on the farm-- They do 'bout as much as one good boy, and make things go off like a charm.

There's Moses and Aaron are sly ones, and slip like a couple of eels; But they're tol'able steady in one thing--they al'ays git round to their meals.

There's Peter is busy inventin' (though _what_ he invents I can't see), And Joseph is studyin' medicine--and both of 'em boardin' with me.

There's Abram and Albert is married, each workin' my farm for myself, And Sam smashed his nose at a shootin', and so he is laid on the shelf.

The rest of the boys are all growin', 'cept this little runt, which is Jim, And I thought that perhaps I'd be makin' an editor outen o' him.

”He ain't no great shakes for to labor, though I've labored with him a good deal, And give him some strappin' good arguments I know he couldn't help but to feel; But he's built out of second-growth timber, and nothin' about him is big Exceptin' his appet.i.te only, and there he's as good as a pig.

I keep him a-carryin' luncheons, and fillin' and bringin' the jugs, And take him among the pertatoes, and set him to pickin' the bugs; And then there is things to be doin' a-helpin' the women indoors; There's churnin' and was.h.i.+n' of dishes, and other descriptions of ch.o.r.es; But he don't take to nothin' but victuals, and he'll never be much, I'm afraid, So I thought it would be a good notion to larn him the editor's trade.

His body's too small for a farmer, his judgment is rather too slim, But I thought we perhaps could be makin' an editor outen o' him!

”It ain't much to get up a paper--it wouldn't take him long for to learn; He could feed the machine, I'm thinkin', with a good strappin' fellow to turn.

And things that was once hard in doin', is easy enough now to do; Just keep your eye on your machinery, and crack your arrangements right through.

I used for to wonder at readin' and where it was got up, and how; But 'tis most of it made by machinery--I can see it all plain enough now.

And poetry, too, is constructed by machines of different designs, Each one with a gauge and a chopper to see to the length of the lines; And I hear a New York clairvoyant is runnin' one sleeker than grease, And _a-rentin'_ her heaven-born productions at a couple of dollars apiece; An' since the whole trade has growed easy, 'twould be easy enough, I've a whim, If you was agreed, to be makin' an editor outen of Jim!”

The Editor sat in his sanctum and looked the old man in the eye, Then glanced at the grinning young hopeful, and mournfully made his reply: ”Is your son a small unbound edition of Moses and Solomon both?

Can he compa.s.s his spirit with meekness, and strangle a natural oath?

Can he leave all his wrongs to the future, and carry his heart in his cheek?

Can he do an hour's work in a minute, and live on a sixpence a week?

Can he courteously talk to an equal, and browbeat an impudent dunce?

Can he keep things in apple-pie order, and do half a dozen at once?

Can he press all the springs of knowledge, with quick and reliable touch, And be sure that he knows how much _to_ know, and knows how to not know too much?

Does he know how to spur up his virtue, and put a check-rein on his pride?

Can he carry a gentleman's manners within a rhinoceros' hide?

Can he know all, and do all, and be all, with cheerfulness, courage, and vim?

If so, we perhaps can be makin an editor 'outen of him.'”

The farmer stood curiously listening, while wonder his visage o'erspread; And he said, ”Jim, I guess we'll be goin'; he's probably out of his head.”

But lo! on the rickety stair-case, another reliable tread, And entered another old farmer, and these are the words that he said:

”Good-morning, sir, Mr. Editor, how is the folks to-day?

I owe you for next year's paper; I thought I'd come in and pay.