Part 1 (2/2)

And there has been days together--and many a weary week-- We was both of us cross and s.p.u.n.ky, and both too proud to speak; And I have been thinkin' and thinkin', the whole of the winter and fall, If I can't live kind with a woman, why, then, I won't at all.

And so I have talked with Betsey, and Betsey has talked with me, And we have agreed together that we can't never agree; And what is hers shall be hers, and what is mine shall be mine; And I'll put it in the agreement, and take it to her to sign.

Write on the paper, lawyer--the very first paragraph-- Of all the farm and live-stock that she shall have her half; For she has helped to earn it, through many a weary day, And it's nothing more than justice that Betsey has her pay.

Give her the house and homestead--a man can thrive and roam; But women are skeery critters, unless they have a home; And I have always determined, and never failed to say, That Betsey never should want a home if I was taken away.

There is a little hard money that's drawin' tol'rable pay: A couple of hundred dollars laid by for a rainy day; Safe in the hands of good men, and easy to get at; Put in another clause there, and give her half of that.

Yes, I see you smile, Sir, at my givin' her so much; Yes, divorce is cheap, Sir, but I take no stock in such!

True and fair I married her, when she was blithe and young; And Betsey was al'ays good to me, exceptin' with her tongue.

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Once, when I was young as you, and not so smart, perhaps, For me she mittened a lawyer, and several other chaps; And all of them was fl.u.s.tered, and fairly taken down, And I for a time was counted the luckiest man in town.

Once when I had a fever--I won't forget it soon-- I was hot as a basted turkey and crazy as a loon; Never an hour went by me when she was out of sight-- She nursed me true and tender, and stuck to me day and night.

And if ever a house was tidy, and ever a kitchen clean, Her house and kitchen was tidy as any I ever seen; And I don't complain of Betsey, or any of her acts, Exceptin' when we've quarreled, and told each other facts.

So draw up the paper, lawyer, and I'll go home to-night, And read the agreement to her, and see if it's all right; And then, in the mornin', I'll sell to a tradin' man I know, And kiss the child that was left to us, and out in the world I'll go.

And one thing put in the paper, that first to me didn't occur: That when I am dead at last she'll bring me back to her; And lay me under the maples I planted years ago, When she and I was happy before we quarreled so.

And when she dies I wish that she would be laid by me, And, lyin' together in silence, perhaps we will agree; And, if ever we meet in heaven, I wouldn't think it queer If we loved each other the better because we quarreled here.

HOW BETSEY AND I MADE UP.

GIVE us your hand, Mr. Lawyer: how do you do to-day?

”GIVE US YOUR HAND, MR. LAWYER: HOW DO YOU DO TO-DAY?”

You drew up that paper--I s'pose you want your pay.

Don't cut down your figures; make it an X or a V; For that 'ere written agreement was just the makin' of me.

Goin' home that evenin' I tell you I was blue, Thinkin' of all my troubles, and what I was goin' to do; And if my hosses hadn't been the steadiest team alive, They'd 've tipped me over, certain, for I couldn't see where to drive.

No--for I was laborin' under a heavy load; No--for I was travelin' an entirely different road; For I was a-tracin' over the path of our lives ag'in, And seein' where we missed the way, and where we might have been.

And many a corner we'd turned that just to a quarrel led, When I ought to 've held my temper, and driven straight ahead; And the more I thought it over the more these memories came, And the more I struck the opinion that I was the most to blame.

And things I had long forgotten kept risin' in my mind, Of little matters betwixt us, where Betsey was good and kind; And these things flashed all through me, as you know things sometimes will When a feller's alone in the darkness, and every thing is still.

”But,” says I, ”we're too far along to take another track, And when I put my hand to the plow I do not oft turn back; And 'tain't an uncommon thing now for couples to smash in two;”

And so I set my teeth together, and vowed I'd see it through.

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