Part 12 (1/2)

It was the whisper that did it. The very small trickle of desire that had crept into his veins died on the spot. She was being polite, and she was being brave. Neither emotion did much for Stephen's desire. The desire he had wilted, in all senses of the word. He slid his hand very carefully around her back and pulled her close. She felt rather like a fragile bird, nestled in his arms. Then he rested his chin on her hair and said, ”I thought I knew why I was here, but now I'm not sure that I do.”

There was silence. Then: ”Because we are beginning an affair?”

He couldn't even tell where all that desperation was coming from. From the idea of bedding him? In that case, why on earth was she putting herself through such an ordeal?

He chose his words very carefully. ”Generally, when a couple embarks on such a... a relations.h.i.+p, it is because they feel a mutual attraction. I certainly think you are a beautiful woman-”

Helene chimed in with the exquisite manners that accompanied everything she said or did. ”You are extremely handsome as well.”

”But do you really wish to sleep with me?” He ran a coaxing hand down her arm.

When she finally spoke, it sounded as if she were near tears. ”Of course!”

”I've never been so attractive that a woman felt she must bed me,” Stephen said teasingly, trying to lighten the atmosphere. It didn't work. He could feel his chest growing damp from her tears. d.a.m.n it, the whole day was a fiasco, from beginning to end.

”I should never have done it,” Helene said shakily, wiping tears away as fast as she could. ”I simply thought...” Her voice trailed off.

Stephen was struck by a sudden thought. ”Did you think to use me to prove adultery?” That would destroy his career in two seconds flat-a notion that didn't seem to bother him as much as it should.

”No,” Helene sobbed. ”I would never have used you in such a way. I thought we might-we might enjoy-and then I could tell my husband, and-” Her voice trailed off.

They lay there for a while, a lanky English gentleman and a sniffling countess. ”I'm sure my face is quite red,” Helene said finally.

Her wry tone told Stephen that she had regained control. Her face was indeed all red, and her hair was starting to fall out of its braid into wisps around her face. For some reason, he found it very sweet that she hadn't even known enough about an a.s.signation with a man to loosen her hair.

”Helene,” he said gently, ”this isn't going to work.”

”Why not?”

He blinked and realized her surprise was genuine. ”Because you don't truly wish to make love to me,” he pointed out.

Helene could have screamed with vexation. How stupid could the man be! If she didn't want to make love to him, would he be in her room? Would she have humiliated herself by appearing in dishabille before a man? Would she have allowed an unclothed man anywhere in her vicinity? ”I do wish to make love to you,” she managed.

He reached out and rubbed away a tear. ”I don't think you do,” he said, and there was a sweet look on his face.

A sweet, condescending look.

A whole flood of naughty words-the words she had been taught not to use, and indeed, had never even used in thought-came to Helene's mind. ”That's rot,” she said. ”You're a man. Men always want to make love to women under any circ.u.mstances. Everyone knows that.”

Stephen bit his lip, and Helene had a terrible feeling he was trying to keep back a smile. ”They generally like to feel that the lady they are with is willing.”

”I am willing!” Helene said, hearing her voice rising. ”How much more willing can I be?”

He looked embarra.s.sed now. ”Perhaps I'm not phrasing this correctly.”

”I'm willing!” Helene said. She reached up and wrenched open the b.u.t.tons that ran down the front of her night rail. ”Go ahead. Do whatever you wish.”

For a moment they both just stared at Helene's b.r.e.a.s.t.s. They were small in comparison to Esme's, but they had a nice jaunty air to them. At least that's what Helene thought until she forced herself to look at Stephen. He looked absolutely mortified. But Helene was starting to enjoy herself. It seemed that she was capable of shocking people!

She wriggled her night rail back over her shoulders so it pooled around her waist. ”Now if I remember this whole procedure correctly from my marriage,” she said, feeling a slightly hysterical giggle coming, ”you should be overcome by l.u.s.t at this point. At least, my husband always was.”

Stephen looked almost goggle-eyed. ”He was? I mean, of course he was!”

At this point one obviously laughed or cried. Helene chose to laugh. There was only so much humiliation a woman could take in one evening. She folded her hands over the top of the sheet and grinned at Stephen, quite as if they were at a tea party. ”I suppose we could have an old-fas.h.i.+oned game of 'you show me, I show you,'” she said. ”Or we could simply give it up.”

His eyes flew to hers, and the relief in them was palpable.

”I gather that I need more practice before I can induce a man to actually stay in my bed,” Helene said. ”I have to tell you, Stephen, that it is quite a personal triumph that I lured you into my bedchamber at all.”

He reached over and pulled the sheet up above her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, tucking it about her, quite as if he were tucking a child in at night. Then he said, ”Now you'll have to explain to me, Helene, exactly why you lured me up here. After all, your husband is not a member of this house party.”

Helene swallowed. But he deserved a real explanation. ”I want a divorce. But when I asked my husband whether we could simply manufacture the evidence of my adultery, he laughed and said no one in the world would believe that I was adulterous. It has to be a woman's adultery that dissolves a marriage, you know. It's grotesquely unfair, but the letter of the law.”

”I agree with you,” Stephen said, nodding. ”Especially in cases such as yours, there ought to be other provisions. And I'm sure there will be changes to the law, in time. So...”

”So I thought perhaps you and I... we... might...” Helene trailed off and then stiffened her backbone. For goodness' sake! She was half naked in bed with the man; she might as well be frank. ”I like you very much,” she said, looking into his eyes. ”I thought perhaps we might have an affair, but I see now that I was mistaken. There's a great deal I don't understand about bedroom matters.”

Stephen pulled her snug against his side again. ”There's time.”

Helene couldn't help grinning. Here she was in bed, half naked, and snuggled up to a naked man! If only Esme could see her now! Or Rees, for that matter! ”It was a lowly impulse,” she said, feeling more generous now that the acute sense of humiliation was gone. ”I just wanted revenge. Rees laughed when I asked him for the divorce. He says I'm frigid, and no man would ever want me.” Her tone had a bitterness that she couldn't hide.

Stephen's arm tightened. ”That's cruel nonsense,” he said firmly. They sat for a moment, Helene tucked against Stephen's shoulder while he thought about beating Rees G.o.dwin into small pieces.

”Are you absolutely certain that it wouldn't work between us?” she asked.

Stephen looked down at her. ”Are you trembling with desire because my arm is around you? Are you secretly wis.h.i.+ng that I would push down your sheet and take your breast-”

”No! No, I'm not,” she said hastily, tucking the sheet more firmly under her arm. ”All right. I accept that

it won't work between the two of us. It's just such a shame, because you are quite perfect, and I'm not sure I have enough... enough bravery to go through this again.”

”Ah, but if you truly desired the man in question, it wouldn't take that much bravery.”

Helene didn't agree at all, but she bit her tongue.

”It seems to me,” Stephen said slowly, ”that you're not quite certain that you wish for the affair itself, Helene. You are more interested in the appearance of an affair.”

”True. At the heart I'm terribly prudish about marriage. I am married. Or perhaps,” she added, rathersadly, ”I'm just prudish. That's what Rees would say.” ”If only your husband could see you now,” Stephen said, a mischievous glint in his eye. ”Yes, wouldn't that be wonderful? Because I do like you more every moment.”