Part 18 (1/2)

He laughs. ”Yeah right. No guy could just be friends with a girl who looks like that. You tappin' her?”

His words cause a flood of anger to pulse through my veins. I whip an orange at his head, glaring as it hits him in the left ear.

”f.u.c.k, man, what the h.e.l.l?” Hunt looks up, placing a hand over his ear.

”Don't talk about her like that. I'm serious.”

Hunt shakes his head. ”Jesus, Huntington. What the h.e.l.l has gotten into you? You never had a problem before talking about how great Lauren is in the sack and she was your f.u.c.king girlfriend.”

Striding over to Hunt in three steps, I lean down so we're eye level. ”Maura isn't Lauren. I swear to G.o.d, Jeremy, not another word about her better come out of your mouth.”

His eyes widen as realization dawns on his face. He holds his hands up in surrender. ”Okay, man, relax.”

The timer on the microwave dings, and I move away from Hunt, still p.i.s.sed as f.u.c.k at him for talking about Maura like that and p.i.s.sed as f.u.c.k at myself for reacting like a deranged lunatic. Taking my coffee from the microwave plate, I turn and walk out of the kitchen.

Upstairs in my bedroom, I take a few deep breaths to try to calm the f.u.c.k down. Why the h.e.l.l am I about to knock my best friend's teeth down his throat for asking if I'm hooking up with Maura? It's not a crazy question. Of course the guys must have noticed that Maura and I are kicking it lately. Are my feelings for her that freaking obvious?

Clenching my hands into fists, I sit on the edge of my bed. Maura's face appears in my mind, pale and scared and devastated. Jesus, she broke my heart at the hospital. The tears she cried, the anguished sobs that ripped from her throat when she thought she was alone, the hiccups that wouldn't recede for ages. I stood outside her door and wished that I could just waltz into her hospital room, gather her into my arms, and let her soak my s.h.i.+rt and skin with all her pain.

But I knew she would be horrified. No matter how many times I reach out to her, regardless of the connection between us, Maura has a hard time letting me, or anyone really, in. She's used to suffering alone, to bearing the burden of Adrian's pa.s.sing by herself, to checking her emotions and pasting a smile on her face because it's easier that way. Easier for everyone except her.

I sigh, letting my head fall into my open palms, my elbows propped up on my knees. What a disaster. I want to help her heal, support her, be there for her. And I don't know how to do that.

d.a.m.n, I got to sort my s.h.i.+t out. I need to be honest with Maura and tell her I'm not going anywhere. That I'm here for her, always, no matter what. And not just because Adrian was my best friend and I'm looking out for her out of respect for my friends.h.i.+p with her brother. Nope, I need to tell her the truth. That I'm looking out for her because I care about her, want her in my life, and never want to lose her the way I did Adrian.

”Hey, dude.” A double knock on my door in quick succession is followed by Bilson's head appearing around the door frame. ”You good?”

I look up from my hands and sigh. ”I snapped at Hunt.”

”I heard.” James takes a step inside my bedroom and closes the door behind him, leaning against it and crossing his arms over his chest. ”What's the deal?”

”f.u.c.k.” I blow out, pinching the bridge of my nose. ”My head's all tangled up.” I pause, thinking about what I want to say, how I can explain the emotional stress of the past few weeks without giving everything away. I mean Lauren's baby scare followed by Maura's health scare has me nearly tipping over the edge, but I don't want to betray either of their trust by confiding in Bilson, regardless that he's a steel vault.

”Look...” Bilson crosses the room and sits at my desk chair, spinning around to face me and prop his feet up on my bed. ”I don't know what's going on lately. But we can all tell that you've been really stressed out. I know you've got a tough course load and practices have been intense but it's more than that...” He holds his hand up as I start to interject ”...I also know that you're not going to tell me what it is.”

I laugh lightly and Bilson smiles.

”Zack, you're a good dude. A solid guy. So I'm going to tell it to you straight from an outsider's perspective, yeah?”

I nod.

Bilson exhales loudly. ”The way you're acting about Maura Rodriguez...” he whistles low ”...you're not thinking straight. She's got you all twisted up. You hate if anyone brings her up in conversation, seems to have a friends.h.i.+p with her outside of you. You're protective and defensive. You're into her so hard, but you won't admit it, can't admit it, even to yourself, because you think you're betraying Adrian. But we can all see it, dude, you want Maura. And you're fighting it because of Adrian and because Maura's not in the right place to do the whole relations.h.i.+p thing right now.”

f.u.c.k, who is he, Dr. Phil?

”But you need to realize that as protective as Adrian was over his sister, he was your best friend. And you knew him. Do you really think he would object to you dating, really caring for his sister? Do you think he would rather see her with some of the douchebags she's been rolling with lately?”

I raise my eyebrows at him.

”Philips told me about the guy she was with at the Rittenhouse, and I saw her at a club about a month ago. The guy she was with was huge, tatted to the nines, and I'm not sure if she ever even caught his name before disappearing with him.”

I cringe, clenching my hands into fists and look back at the ground.

”You think Adrian would rather one of those guys tangle up with his sister? Because I don't. I think he would much rather it was you. As long as he knew you were for real. And you are, dude. You're more for real about Maura than you ever were about any other girl, including Lauren. And at one point, you freaking thought she was the one.”

I sigh again. He's right and he knows it.

”And as for Maura not being in the right place for whatever is going on between you guys, so what? Give her time, be there for her, and when she's ready, she'll let you know.”

I nod again. ”You're right,” I tell him, finally looking up.

”I know I am, bro. One more thing.”

”What?”

”Before you do anything, go home and enjoy Thanksgiving with your family. After a few rounds with Nicole, you'll come back with a fresh perspective and in a better mood.” He laughs. ”Your sister really knows how to push your b.u.t.tons.”

I laugh with him. ”Yeah, she does.”

”Happy Thanksgiving, Huntington. I'm heading out after practice tomorrow. When you get back, settle this s.h.i.+t.”

”I will. Thanks, James.”

”Yeah.” He gets up from the chair and opens my bedroom door. ”By the way, the house is doing dinner tonight. Pre-Thanksgiving. 7:00 PM.”

I smile. It's been too long since we all shared a meal together. ”I'll be there.”

”Good.”

Then he closes the door, and I listen as his footsteps thump back down the stairs.

d.a.m.n, James is right. Sometimes I forget how well my friends know me, even if they're not Adrian. Letting out a long exhale, I pause to really think about what James said. I know he's right about Adrian wanting Maura to be with someone who really cares for her, who treats her right, who wants to be with her for real. And if I'm honest with myself, then I am the right guy for her.

That night I text Maura to make sure she's okay and doesn't need anything. She never responds, yet I know she's just avoiding me, avoiding the world. And so I give her s.p.a.ce, let her have her time, because when I am ready to commit to her, she won't be hiding from me so easily.