Part 32 (1/2)
”Are you worried?”
Was he supposed to play the big strong man part, or tell the truth? He chose the truth since Gina was not one to stand for even white lies. ”Yeah, I'm scared to death. You?”
”Uh-huh. I don't think my heart has slowed down since Annabelle called me this afternoon.”
”Thanks for rus.h.i.+ng to the hospital. I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't.”
”Really?” She looked surprised.
”Really. I've spent the last week thinking about what I've done, how I've handled things.”
”We've both made mistakes. Believe me, I've had a few people point them out to me today. I hate it when they're right.”
”Yeah, there's no shortage of that going around. Before I left Gramps this afternoon, he read me the riot act. To give the old man credit, he didn't say anything I hadn't already said to myself a thousand times.”
”So you took a long run to think or to get away?”
”To think.”
”About?”
”What I could do to get back to where we were before we left the ranch.”
”I don't think that's possible. We can't take back what happened. We just have to decide where to go from here.”
Ben spent the rest of the walk in a daze. Before he knew it, they were back at the front door. He walked the girls in and waited for Gina to tell him to leave. After all, she'd just said they couldn't go back. He'd been trying to re-learn the art of breathing ever since.
Gina took the leash off Jasmine and put her keys back in her pocketbook. She shuffled from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable. He stood between her and the door waiting for the ax to drop. She bit her lip and looked up at him, her big eyes s.h.i.+ning in the light of the chandelier. ”Are you coming to bed?”
Ben's stomach took a dip. ”I guess that's up to you. If you want to toss out a pillow, I can take the couch.”
”Is that what you want?”
He closed his eyes and prayed that he wouldn't say the wrong thing. He opened them to find her standing so close that if he took a deep breath, they'd touch. He placed his hands on her shoulders and ran them down her arms to hold her hands. Sliding them behind her back, he pulled her close. The feel of her against him had him stifling a groan. ”I've made it abundantly clear I want to be wherever you are. But when it comes down to it, it's your call, Gina. I've given up trying to steer this relations.h.i.+p. Whenever I've tried, I've hit the skids, so to speak.”
Gina bit her lower lip and he held back the urge to soothe the redness she'd created.
”Just because we can't go back to the way we were at the ranch doesn't mean we can't go forward. Come to bed.”
Ben let out a breath and picked her up. Jasmine barked and jumped around his feet.
”What is it with you mountain men always feeling the need to carry me around?”
Ben decided not to press his luck and say he was the only man allowed to carry her anywhere, especially to bed. He took the steps two at a time, careful not to tread on Jasmine. When he made it to their bedroom, he let her slide down the length of his body. Jasmine jumped on a doggie bed in the corner and turned a few circles before lying down with her paws crossed in front of her.
”She's not sleeping with us?”
Gina shrugged. ”Only if she has doggie nightmares, or if one of us feels the need to cuddle.”
”If I'm going to be cuddling with someone, it's not going to be Jasmine.”
Ben's words sent a s.h.i.+ver through Gina that was impossible to disguise. The way he watched her was unnerving. She took a deep breath and opened the top b.u.t.ton of his s.h.i.+rt. Her hands shook and no matter how many times she told herself she'd already seen him naked, this time felt like the first.
Gina tackled the second b.u.t.ton as he pulled her blouse from her waistband. His thumbs caressed her stomach as his hands held her hips. She fumbled her way down the b.u.t.ton band and pulled his s.h.i.+rt from his pants. She'd like to think she'd forgotten how wonderful he looked, but she hadn't. She'd seen him every night in her dreams, kissed him, made love to him, only to awaken alone and needy. It was almost a relief to know that tomorrow morning she wouldn't wake reaching for him only to find a cold empty bed, or worse, Jasmine.
Ben unb.u.t.toned her jeans; blood rus.h.i.+ng through her ears m.u.f.fled the sound of the slide of the zipper. She reached for his belt buckle and his hands stayed hers. ”Wait.”
She raised her eyes to his; Ben's look of uncertainty stopped her. ”What's wrong?”
Ben took a deep breath and blew it out. He shook his head as if to clear his mind. ”Gina, I can't do this. If you are looking for comfort or a roll in the hay, I'll grab a pillow and sleep on the couch. If you want me, I'm yours for the taking, but I want this to be a fresh start. I want this to last forever.”
For whatever reason, Ben was always the one in the relations.h.i.+p to know exactly what he wanted to do, and he always seemed to have no problem steering her in the direction he wanted to go. Now, she was the one leading-which on one hand was nice since she always resented the fact that he'd spent most of their relations.h.i.+p ten paces ahead of her on so many levels. But along with the leaders.h.i.+p position came the pressure to make the right decision, and live with the consequences. It was not as easy as it looked. She'd never been the one to step into a relations.h.i.+p and if she removed his belt buckle, that's exactly what she'd be doing. She'd always been the one to run away, and that's what she'd done with Ben. The feelings she had for him scared her down to her toes, but after she'd left him, those same feelings followed her no matter how far she ran, even across the country. There was no peace to be had, no escape; running hadn't worked for either of them.
Gina pushed away Ben's hands and slid the leather strap through the buckle, gave it a tug, and pulled it free right before she went up on her tiptoes and kissed him hard, letting go of the anger and fear she'd carried with her all her life. Ben wrapped his arms around her and for the first time since she left him, she felt at home.
The rest of their clothes and any uncertainty they held were shed before they made it to their bed. For a moment, she looked into his eyes and found everything she'd lost, and everything she'd longed for over the last weeks. His hands slid over her body, dragging her close, caressing, exciting, tantalizing. It was familiar and new at the same time.
Gina ran her hands over Ben's chest and down toward his stomach as he rose above her. Her legs wrapped around his waist urging him on. He entered her in one long, slow thrust. A feeling of completeness washed over her. They stilled, their eyes met, and she found everything she never knew she'd searched for. ”I love you.”
He looked as surprised as she was. She hadn't planned to say it, especially while they were making love. She'd never said those words to any other man. Okay, she'd told Joe she loved him, but that was a totally different kind of love, so it didn't really count.
A slow grin spread across Ben's face. ”I know.”
”You know? I tell you I love you and that's all you have to say?”
He slid out of her and then reaching beneath her, held her hips and slid back deeper. ”Sweetheart, if you didn't love me, I wouldn't be making love to you now.” And he did, he loved her slow and gentle. Teasing her, caressing her inside and out, driving her to the brink of sanity and letting her hang there, still wanting more. He drove her up and then higher. His slow and steady pace keeping her from reaching her climax. Gina raked her nails across his shoulders and bucked beneath him, arching her back, urging him on. When she kissed him and sucked his tongue into her mouth, he lost all control thrusting deep and hard, sending her over before finally groaning her name, stiffening in her arms, and coming. He thrust within her twice more before collapsing on top of her.
Still inside her, he kissed her softly, and then rolled onto his back. She rested her head on the pillow of his shoulder and listened to the beat of his heart slow to a normal pace.
”Do you think Joe's going to be okay?”
He trailed his hand down her side. ”Yeah, he's too stubborn to die.”
”That's good. I hope you're right.”
”Gina?”
She raised her head so she could look him in the eye. ”Yeah?”
”I love you.”
She kissed him and settled her head back on his shoulder. ”I know.”
The knock on the door woke them. ”It's getting late, guys. Are you ready to go to the hospital?”