Part 2 (1/2)

”Ah, sir,” continued his tormentor, ”I see that you will not do for us yet awhile, and I am therefore under the painful necessity of rejecting you. I should advise you, sir, to read hard for another twelvemonths, and endeavour to master those subjects in which you have now failed.

For, a young man, Mr. Pucker, who knows nothing about the Fourth Punic War, and the const.i.tution of ancient Heliopolis, is quite unfit to be enrolled among the members of such a learned college as Brazenface. Mr.

Pluckem quite coincides with me in this decision.” (Here Mr. Verdant Green gave a Burleigh nod.) ”We feel very sorry for you, Mr. Pucker, and also for your unfortunate family; but we recommend you to add to your present stock of knowledge, and to keep those visiting-cards for another twelvemonth.” And Mr. Fosbrooke and our hero--disregarding poor Mr.

Pucker's entreaties that they would consider his pa and ma, and would please to matriculate him this once, and he would read very hard, indeed he would--turned to Mr. Bouncer and gave some private instructions, which caused that gentleman immediately to vanish, and seek out Mr.

Robert Filcher.

Five minutes after, that excellent Scout met the dejected Mr. Pucker as he was crossing the Quad on his way from Mr. Fosbrooke's rooms.

”Beg your pardon, sir,” said Mr. Filcher, touching his forehead; for, as Mr. Filcher, after the manner of his tribe, never was seen in a head-covering, he was unable to raise his hat or cap; ”beg your pardon, sir! but was you a lookin' for the party as examines the young gents for their matrickylation?”

”Eh?--no! I have just come from him,” replied Mr. Pucker, dolefully.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

”Beg your pardon, sir,” remarked Mr. Filcher, ”but his rooms ain't that way at all. Mr. Slowcoach, as is the party you _ought_ to have seed, has _his_ rooms quite in a hopposite direction, sir; and he's the honly party as examines the matrickylatin' gents.”

”But I _have_ been examined,” observed Mr. Pucker, with the air of a plucked man; ”and I am sorry to say that I was rejected, and”----

”I dessay, sir,” interrupted Mr. Filcher; ”but I think it's a 'oax, sir!”

”A what?” stammered Mr. Pucker.

”A 'oax--a sell;” replied the Scout, confidentially. ”You see, sir, I think some of the gents have been makin' a little game of you, sir; they often does with fresh parties like you, sir, that seem fresh and hinnocent like; and I dessay they've been makin' believe to examine you, sir, and a pretendin' that you wasn't clever enough. But they don't mean no harm, sir; it's only their play, bless you!”

”Then,” said Mr. Pucker, whose countenance had been gradually clearing with every word the Scout spoke; ”then I'm not really rejected, but have still a chance of pa.s.sing my examination?”

”Percisely so, sir,” replied Mr. Filcher; ”and--hexcuse me, sir, for a hintin' of it to you,--but, if you would let me adwise you, sir, you wouldn't go for to mention anythin' about the 'oax to Mr. Slowcoach; _he_ wouldn't be pleased, sir, and _you'd_ only get laughed at. If you like to go to him now, sir, I know he's in his rooms, and I'll show you the way there with the greatest of pleasure.”

Mr. Pucker, immensely relieved in mind, gladly put himself under the Scout's guidance, and was admitted into the presence of Mr. Slowcoach.

In twenty minutes after this he issued from the examining tutor's rooms with a joyful countenance, and again encountered Mr. Robert Filcher.

”Hope you've done the job this time, sir,” said the Scout.

”Yes,” replied the radiant Mr. Pucker; ”and at two o'clock I am to see the Vice-chancellor; and I shall be able to come to college this time next year.”

”Werry glad of it, indeed, sir!” observed Mr. Filcher, with genuine emotion, and an eye to future perquisites; ”and I suppose, sir, you didn't say a word about the 'oax?”

”Not a word!” replied Mr. Pucker.

”Then, sir,” said Mr. Filcher, with enthusiasm, ”hexcuse me, but you're a trump, sir! And Mr. Fosbrooke's compliments to you, sir, and he'll be 'appy if you'll come up into his rooms, and take a gla.s.s of wine after the fatigues of the examination. And,--hexcuse me again, sir, for a hintin' of it to you, but of course you can't be aweer of the customs of the place, unless somebody tells you on 'em,--I shall be werry glad to drink your werry good health, sir.”

Need it be stated that the blus.h.i.+ng Mr. Pucker, delirious with joy at the sudden change in the state of affairs, and the delightful prospect of being a member of the University, not only tipped Mr. Filcher a five-s.h.i.+lling piece, but also paid a second visit to Mr. Fosbrooke's rooms, where he found that gentleman in his usual costume, and by him was introduced to the Mr. Pluckem, who now bore the name of Mr. Verdant Green? Need it be stated that the nervous Mr. Pucker blushed and laughed, and laughed and blushed, while his two pseudo-examiners took wine with him in the most friendly manner; Mr. Bouncer p.r.o.nouncing him to be ”an out-and-outer, and no mistake!” And need it be stated that, after this undergraduate display of hoaxing, Mr. Verdant Green would feel exceedingly offended were he still to be called ”an Oxford Freshman”?

CHAPTER III.

MR. VERDANT GREEN ENDEAVOURS TO KEEP HIS SPIRITS UP BY POURING SPIRITS DOWN.

It was the evening of the fifth of November; the day which the Protestant youth of England dedicate to the memory of that martyr of gunpowder, the firework Faux, and which the youth of Oxford, by a three months' antic.i.p.ation of the calendar, devote to the celebration of those scholastic sports for which the day of St. Scholastica the Virgin was once so famous.[2]

Rumour with its hundred tongues had spread far and wide the news, that a more than ordinary demonstration would be made of the might of Town, and that this demonstration would be met by a corresponding increase of prowess on the side of Gown. It was darkly whispered that the purlieus of Jericho would send forth champions to the fight. It was mentioned that the Parish of St. Thomas would be powerfully represented by its Bargee lodgers. It was confidently reported that St. Aldate's[3] would come forth in all its olden strength. It was told as a fact that St.