Part 6 (2/2)
F. WARLEY.
LETTER XIV.
The Honourable GEORGE MOLESWORTH to LORD DARCEY.
London.
_Was every any thing so forgetful, to bring no other clothes here but mourning?_
Really, my Lord, this favours a good deal of the matrimonial stile. Was you, commenced Benedict, I should think you had received lessons from the famous L----, who takes such pains with his pupils, that those whose attendance is frequent, can, in, the s.p.a.ce of three months after the knot is tied, bring their wives to hear patiently the words--_forgetful,--ridiculous,--absurd,--pish--poh_,--and a thousand more of the same significant meaning.--I hear you, my Lord:--_it is true_, I am in jest; and know you would scorn to say even a peevish thing to a wife.
Why fret yourself to a skeleton about an absence of eight days?--How could you suppose she would let you go into Oxfords.h.i.+re?--Proper decorums must be observed by that s.e.x.--Are not those despicable who neglect them?--What would you have said, had she taken Edmund with her?--Don't storm:--on reflection you will find you had no greater right to expect that indulgence.
I have this morning had a letter from d.i.c.k Risby, that unfortunate, but worthy cousin of _mine_, just returned from the West-Indies to take on him the command of a company in Lord ----'s regiment. What a Father his!--to abandon _such_ a son.--Leave him to the wide world at sixteen,--without a s.h.i.+lling, only to gratify the pride and avarice of his serpent daughter,--who had art sufficient to get this n.o.ble youth disinherited for her waddling brat, whose head was form'd large enough to contain his mother's mischief and his own.--In vain we attempted to set aside the will:--my brother would not leave England whilst there remained the least hopes for poor Risby.
I always dreaded d.i.c.k's going abroad, well knowing what a designing perfidious s.l.u.t his sister was, from her very infancy.--Her parents drew down a curse by their blind indulgence:--even her nurse was charg'd not to contradict her; she was to have every thing for which she shewed the least inclination.
Lord Eggom and myself being near of an age with our cousins, were sometimes sent to play with them in their nursery; and, though boys of tolerable spirit, that vixen girl has so worried us by her tyrannic and impatient temper, that we have often pet.i.tioned, at our return home, to be put to bed supperless.--If sweet-meats were to be divided, she would cry to have the whole; the same in regard to cards,--sh.e.l.ls,--money, or whatever else was sent for our entertainment.--When she has pinched us black and blue,--a complaint to her mother has been made by d.i.c.k, who could not bear to see us so used, though he was obliged to take such treatment himself, the only redress we should receive was--Poh! she is but a baby.--I thought you had all known better than to take notice of what _such_ a _child_ as Lucy does--Once, when this was said before her, me flew at me, and cry'd, I will pinch again, if I please;--papa and mamma says I shall,--and so does nurse; and I don't mind what any body else says.--I waited only for my revenge, till the two former withdrew; when sending the latter for a gla.s.s of water, I gave _Miss_ such a glorious tacking, as I believe she has never tasted the like before or since.--In the midst of the fray, I heard nurse running up, which made me hasten what I owed on _my own_ account, to remind her of the _favours_ she had conferred on Lord Eggom and her brother.--If such a termagant in her infant state,--judge what she must be at a time of life when her pa.s.sions are in full vigour, and govern without controul!--I have just shewn the method of rearing this diabolical plant, that you may not wonder at its productions.--I shall see justice overtake her, notwithstanding the long strides she is making to escape.
d.i.c.k will be in town with us most part of the winter:--I have wrote him to that purpose, and mention'd your name. He will rejoice to see you:--I have often heard him regret your acquaintance was of so short standing.--Bridgman set out for York the day before I arrived; his servants inform me he is not expected back this three weeks.
I like our lodgings vastly; but more so as the master and mistress of the family are excessively clean and obliging; two things so material to my repose, that I absolutely could not dispense patiently with either.--This it was which made me felicitous about taking a house; I am now so happily situated, I wish not to have one in town whilst I remain a batchelor. Heaven knows how long that will be!--Your nonpareil has given me a dislike to all my former slight prepossessions.
Lady Elizabeth Curtis!--I did once indeed think a little seriously of her:--but _such_ a meer girl!--Perhaps the time she has spent in France, Germany, and the Lord knows where, may have changed her from a little bewitching, smiling, artless creature--to a _vain, designing, haughty_,--I could call a coquet by a thousand names;--but Lady Elizabeth _can_-not, _must_ not be a coquet.--Cupid, though, shall never tye a bandage over my eyes.--The charms that must fix me are not to be borrow'd;--I shall look for them in her affection to her relations;--in a condescending behaviour to inferiors;--above all, when she offers up her first duties.--If she s.h.i.+nes here, I shall not follow her to the card-table, or play-house:--every thing must be right in a heart where duty, affection, and humility, has the precedence.
The misfortune of our s.e.x is this: when taken with a fine face, we enquire no further than, Is she _polite?_--Is she _witty?_ Does she _dance_ well?--sing well?--in short, _is_ she fit to appear in the _Beau Monde_; whilst good sense and virtues which const.i.tute real happiness, are left out of the question.
How does beauty,--politeness--wit,--a fine voice,--a graceful movement, charm!--But how often are we deceiv'd by them.--An instance of which I have lately seen in our old friend Sir Harry. No man on earth can pity that poor soul more than I do; yet I have laughed hours to think of his mistake. _So mild--so gentle_--said he, George, a week before his marriage, I should have said _execution_,--it is impossible to put her out of humour.--If I am not the happiest man breathing, it must be my own fault.
What was my astonishment when I call'd on him in my way to town, and found this mild _gentle mate_ of his, aided by a houseful of her relations, had not only deprived him of all right and authority in the _Castle_, but almost of his very speech!
I dropt in about one, told the Baronet I came five miles out of my way for the pleasure of saluting his bride, and to drink a bottle of claret with him.--He was extremely glad to see me; and ventured to say so, _before_ I was introduced to the _Ladies_:--but I saw by his sneaking look, no such liberty must be taken in _their_ presence.--My reception was gracious enough, considering all communication is cut off between him and his former acquaintance.
Scarce was I seated, before the old Dowager asked me, if her daughter had not made _great_ alterations in the little time she had been at the Castle.
_Alterations_, Madam! I reply'd;--upon my honour, they are _so_ visible, no person can avoid being struck with them.--How could your father and mother, Sir Harry, bear to live in such an wood? looking and speaking disdainfully.--He smiled obsequious--hemm'd--trembled, and was silent.--I hope, continued she, not to see a tree remaining near this house before the next summer.--We want much, Mr. Molesworth, turning to me with quite a different look and voice, to have the pleasure-ground laid out:--but really her Ladys.h.i.+p has had so much to set in order _within doors_, that it has taken off her attention a good deal from what is necessary to be done _without_.--However, Sir, you shall see our design; so, my dear, speaking to her daughter, let Sir Harry fetch the plan.
It is in my closet, returned her Ladys.h.i.+p, and I don't chuse to send _him_ there;--but I'll ring for Sally.
I had like that moment to have vow'd a life of celibacy--I saw him redden;--how could he avoid it, if one spark of manhood remain'd?
The indignation I felt threw such a mist before my eyes, that when the plan was laid on the table, I could scarce distinguish temples from clumps of shrubs, or Chinese seats from green slopes.--Yet this _reptile_ of a husband could look over my shoulder, hear the opinion of every one present, without _daring_ to give his own.
I was more out of patience at dinner.--Bless me, says her Ladys.h.i.+p, how _aukward_ you are when I _bid_ you cut up any thing!--the mother and daughter echoing, _Never_ was there _such_ a carver as _Sir Harry!_--Well, I vow, cry'd the latter, it is a strange thing you will not remember, so often as I have _told you_, to lay the meat handsome in the dish.
Good G.o.d! thought I, can this man live out half his days?--And, faith, if I had not drank five b.u.mpers of Madeira, I could not have stood the sight of his fearful countenance.
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