Part 66 (1/2)
In order to solve this important problem, the good lady trotted off, leaving Lawless and myself _tete-a-tete_.
”I say, Frank,” he began, as the door closed after her, ”did you put the young woman up to trap at all? I saw you were 'discoursing' her, as Paddy says, while we were at luncheon, eh?”
”No,” replied I, ”it was agreed that she was not to be let into the scheme, you know.”
”By Jove! then all those kind looks she threw at me were really in earnest! I tell you what, I don't half like it, I can a.s.sure you, sir! I shall put my foot in it here too, if I don't mind what I'm at. Suppose, instead of marrying Freddy, she were to take it into her head she would like to be a peeress some day, what would become of me, eh?”
At this moment Mr. Coleman returned, his face beaming with dignity and self-satisfaction. Approaching Lawless, he motioned him to a chair, and then, seating himself exactly opposite, gave one or two deep hems to clear his throat, and then began:--
”I am empowered by my niece, standing as I may say _in loco parentis_--(for though her parents are not positively defunct, still they have so completely delegated to me all control and authority over their daughter, that they may morally be considered dead)--I am empowered, then, by my niece to inform you, in answer to your very flattering proposal of marriage, that although she has not had sufficient opportunity of becoming acquainted with your character and general disposition, to justify her in at once ratifying the contract, she agrees to sanction your visits -437-- here in the character of her suitor.” (Lawless's face on receiving this announcement was as good as a play to behold.) ”In fact, my dear sir,” continued Mr. Coleman, warming with the subject, ”as my niece at the same time has signified to me her express desire that I should definitely and finally reject the suit of a highly amiable young man of fortune, who has for some time past paid his addresses to her, I think that we may consider ourselves fully justified in attributing the slightly equivocal nature of her answer to a pardonable girlish modesty and coyness, and that I shall not be premature in offering you my hearty congratulations on the successful issue of your suit--a-hem I--” And so saying, Mr. Coleman rose from his seat, and taking Lawless's unwilling hand in his own, shook it with the greatest _empress.e.m.e.nt_.
”Thank ye, gov--that is, Mr. Coleman--uncle, I suppose I shall soon have to call you,” said Lawless, with a wretched attempt at hilarity; ”it's very flattering, you know, and of course I feel excessively, eh 1 uncommon, don't you see?--Get me away, can't you?” he added in an angry whisper, turning to me, ”I shall go mad, or be ill, or something in a minute.”
”I think the tandem has been here some time,” interposed I, coming to his a.s.sistance; ”the horses will get chilled standing.”
”Eh! yes! very true, we must be cutting away; make ourselves scarce, don't you see?” rejoined Lawless, brightening up at the prospect of escape.
”Let me ring for the ladies,” said Mr. Coleman, moving towards the bell.
”Eh! not for the world, my dear sir, not for the world,” exclaimed Lawless, interposing to prevent him--”Really, my feelings--your feelings, in fact, all our feelings, have been sufficiently excited--steam got up--high pressure, eh?--some other day--pleasure.
Good-morning. Don't come out, pray.”
And so saying, he fairly bolted out of the room, an example which I was about to follow, when Mr. Coleman, seizing me by the b.u.t.ton began:--
”I can see, Mr. Fairlegh, that Mr. Lawless is naturally uneasy and annoyed at Mr. Brown's attentions: but he need not be--pray a.s.sure him of this--Mr. Brown is a highly estimable young man, but his family are very much beneath ours in point of rank. I shall write to him this afternoon, and inform him that, on mature deliberation, I find it impossible to allow my niece to contract a matrimonial alliance with any one in trade--that will -438-- set the matter definitely at rest.
Perhaps you will kindly mention this to your friend?”
”I shall be most happy to do so,” replied I, ”nor have I the slightest doubt that _my friend_ will consider the information perfectly satisfactory.” And with many a.s.surances of mutual consideration and esteem we parted.
Oh! the masks and dominoes of the mind! what mountebank ever wore so many disguises as the heart of man? If some potent spirit of evil had suddenly converted Elm Lodge into the palace of Truth, the light of its master's countenance would have grown dark as he read the thoughts that were pa.s.sing in my breast; and instead of bestowing upon me the attentions due to the chosen friend of the wealthy suitor to his portionless niece, he would have done his best to kick me down the steps as an impostor plotting to marry his son to a beggar. When will men learn to value money at its real worth, and find out that warm loving hearts and true affections are priceless gems that wealth cannot purchase!
We drove for some time in silence, which was at length broken by Lawless, who in a tone of the deepest dejection began:--
”The first tolerably deep gravel pit we come to, I must trouble you to get out, if you please”.
”Get out at a gravel pit! for goodness' sake, why?” inquired I.
”Because I intend to back the tandem into it, and break my neck,” was the unexpected answer.
”Break your neck! nonsense, man. Why, what's the matter now? Hasn't your mad scheme succeeded beyond all expectation?”
”Ah! you may well say that!” was the rejoinder. ”Beyond all expectation, indeed! yes, I should think so, rather. If I'd expected anything of the kind, it's thirty miles off I'd have been at the very least by this time--more, if the horses would have done it, which I think they would with steady driving, good luck, and a feed of beans.”
”Why, what is it you fancy you've done, then?”
”Fancy I've done, eh? Well, if that isn't enough to make a fellow punch his own father's head with vexation. What have I done, indeed! why I'll tell you what I've done, Mr. Frank Fairlegh, since you are so obtuse as not to have found it out by your own powers of observation. I've won the heart of an innocent and unsuspecting young female,--I've destroyed the dearest hopes of my particular friend,--and I've saddled myself with a -439-- superfluous wife, when my affections are reposing in the cold--ar--what do you call it, tomb, eh? of the future Lady Oaklands--If that isn't a pretty fair morning's work, it's a pity, eh?”
”My dear Lawless,” replied I, with difficulty repressing a laugh, ”you don't really suppose Lucy Markham means to accept you?”
”Eh! why not? Of course I do, didn't Governor Coleman tell me so? an old reptile!”
”Set your mind at ease,” replied I; and I then detailed to him my conversation with Lucy Markham, and convinced him that her partial acceptance of his proposal, which had been made the most of by Mr.