Part 58 (1/2)

”Out of the way, you imp!” exclaimed Coleman, seizing Shrimp by the collar, and swinging him half across the hall, where, cat-like, he fell upon his legs, and walked off, looking deeply insulted.

”I can't make out what he can be doing,” continued Freddy. ”Come along!”

so saying, he sprang up the staircase, two steps at a time, an example which I hastened to imitate.

”Come in!” cried the voice of Lawless, as Coleman rapped at the door; and anxious to discover the occasion of the sounds which had reached our ears in the hall, we lost no time in obeying the summons. On entering the apartment a somewhat singular spectacle greeted our sight. All the furniture of the room, which was a tolerably large one, was piled on two lines on either side, so as to leave a clear course along the middle; in the centre of the s.p.a.ce thus formed were placed two chairs about a yard apart, and across the backs of these was laid the joint of a fis.h.i.+ng-rod.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page382 A New Cure for the Heart-ache]

As we entered, Lawless--who was without shoes, coat, or waistcoat--exclaiming, ”Wait a minute, I've just done it”--started from one end of the room, and, running up to the chairs in the centre, leaped over the fis.h.i.+ng-rod. ”Ninety-nine!” he continued; then, proceeding to the other end, he again ran up to and sprang over the barrier, shouting as he did so, in a tone of triumph, ”A hundred!” -383-- and dragging an easy-chair out of the chaotic heap of furniture, he flung himself into it to all appearance utterly exhausted.

”Why, Lawless, man!” cried Freddy, ”what are you doing? Have you taken leave of your senses all of a sudden?”

”Eh! I believe 1 should have, if I had not hit upon that dodge for keeping myself quiet.”

”A somewhat Irish way of keeping quiet,” returned Freddy; ”why, the perspiration is pouring down your face--you look regularly used up.”

”Well, I am pretty nearly done brown--rather baked than otherwise,”

replied Lawless; ”let me tell you, it's no joke to jump five hundred times over a stick three feet high or more.”

”And why, in the name of all that's absurd, have you been doing it then?”

”Eh I why, you see, after I had sent our letter, I got into such a dreadful state of impatience and worry, I didn't know what to do with myself; I could not sit still at any price, and, first of all, I thought I'd have a good gallop, but I declare to you I felt so reckless and desperate, that I fancied I should go and break my neck; well, then it occurred to me to jump over that stick till I had tired myself out--five hundred times have I done it, and a pretty stiff job it was, too. And now, what news have you got for me, Frank?”

”My dear Lawless,” said I, laying my hand on his shoulder, ”you must prepare for a disappointment.”

”There, that will do,” interrupted Lawless; ”as to preparation, if my last hour's work is not preparation enough for anything, it's a pity.

What! she'll have nothing to say to me at any price, eh?”

”Why, you see, we have all been labouring under a delusion,” I began.

”I have, under a most precious one,” continued Lawless--”regularly put my foot in it--made a complete a.s.s of myself--eh! don't you see? Well, I'm not going to break my heart about it after all; it's only a woman, and it's my opinion people set a higher price upon those cattle than they are worth--they are a shying, skittish breed, the best of them.”

”That's the light to take it in,” exclaimed Coleman, coming forward; ”if one woman says 'No,' there are a hundred others will say 'Yes'; and, after all, it's an open question whether a man's not better off without 'em.”

”Eh! Freddy boy, our fine letter's been no go--turned out a regular sell, you see, eh?”

-384-- ”Well, that only proves the young lady's want of taste,” replied Coleman; ”but we had not exactly a fair start. You have more to bear about it yet; the article you wished for was gone already--the damsel had not a heart to bestow. Tell him how it was, Frank.”

Thus urged, I gave a hurried outline of the affair as it really stood, dwelling much on the fact that Oaklands and f.a.n.n.y had become attached in bygone years, long ere she had ever seen Lawless--which I hoped might afford some slight consolation to his wounded self-love. As I concluded, he exclaimed: ”So f.a.n.n.y's going to marry Harry Oak-lands--that's the long and short of it all. Well, I'm uncommonly glad to hear it--almost as glad as if I was going to marry her myself; there is not a better fellow in the world than Harry, though he has not regarded me with the most friendly looks of late. I was beginning not to like it, I can tell you, and meant to ask him why he did it; but I understand it all now.

What a bore I must have been to them both! I declare I'm quite sorry; why, I would not have done it for any money, if I'd been up to the move sooner. Oh! I must tell Harry.”

”You certainly are the most good-natured fellow breathing, Lawless,”

said I.

”Eh! yes, take me in the right way, I am quiet enough, a child may guide me with a snaffle; but stick a sharp bit in my mouth, and tickle my sides with the rowels, and I rear up before, and lash out behind, so that it would puzzle half the rough-riders in the country to back me.

I always mean to go ahead straight enough if I can see my way clearly before me, but it's awkward driving when one gets among women, with their feelings, and sympathies, and all that style of article. I'm not used to it, you see, so no wonder if I run foul of their sensibilites and sentimentalities, and capsize a few of them. I've got pretty well knocked over myself though this time. Misfortunes never come alone too, they say; and I've just had a letter from Leatherley to tell me Spiteful got loose when the groom was leading him out to exercise, and trying to leap a fence staked himself so severely that they were obliged to have him shot. I refused eighty guineas for him from Dunham of the Guards only a month ago; I shall have my new tandem cart home, and no horses to run in it.”

”How well those chestnuts would look tandem!” observed Coleman carelessly; ”I wonder whether Harry would sell them?”

”By Jove! I shouldn't like to ask him,” exclaimed Lawless quickly; ”it is too much to expect of any man.”