Part 52 (1/2)

John. Werry well, sir; couldn't do a better thing, sir. How about his clothing? shall I keep a cloth on him, sir? (Winks at Susan, who goes out laughing.)

Hyacinth. Yaas! You can keep a cloth on--ar--and--that will do. (Waves his hand towards the door.)

John. Do you like his feet stopped at night, sir?

Hyacinth. Ar--I leave all these points to my gwoom--ar--would you go?

John. I suppose there will be no harm in water-brus.h.i.+ng his mane?

Hyacinth (angrily). Ar--weally I--ar--will you go?

John. Becos some folks thinks it makes the hair come off.

-348-- Hyacinth (indignantly). Ar--leave the woom, fellar! John. Yes, sir; you may depend upon me takin' proper care of him, sir; and if I should think o' anything else, I'll be sure to come and ask you, sir.

(Goes out grinning.)

Hyacinth. Howwid fellar--I thought I should never get wid of him--it's evident he's jealous--ar, good idea--I'll give him something to be jealous about. I'll wing the bell and finish captivating Susan. (Rings.

Re-enter John.) John. Want me, sir? Here I am, sir--fed the horse, sir.

Hyacinth (waving his hand angrily towards the door). Ar--go away, fellar, and tell the young woman to answaar that bell. (John leaves the room, muttering, If I do I'm blessed. Hyacinth struts up to the gla.s.s, arranges his hair, pulls up his s.h.i.+rt-collar, and rings again. Re-enter Susan.) Hyacinth. Pway, Susan, are you going to be mawwied? Susan (colouring). No, sir--a--yes, sir--I can't tell, sir.

Hyacinth. No, sir--yes, sir--ar--I see how it is--the idea has occurred to you--it's that fellar John, I suppose? Susan. Yes, sir--it's John, sir, if you please. Hyacinth. Well--ar--perhaps I don't exactly please.

Now, listen to me, Susan. I'm an independent gentleman, vewy wich (aside, Wish I was)--lots of servants and cawwiages, and all that sort of thing. I only want a wife, and--a-hem--captivated by your beauty, I'm wesolved to mawwy you. (Aside. That will do the business.) Susan. La!

sir, you're joking.

Hyacinth. Ar--I never joke--ar--of course you consent! Susan. To marry you, sir? Hyacinth. Ar--yes--to mawwy me. Susan. What! and give up John?

Hyacinth. I fear we cannot dispense with that sacwifice.

Susan. And you would have me prove false to my true love; deceive a poor lad that cares for me; wring his honest heart, and perhaps drive him to take to evil courses, for the sake of your fine carriages and servants?

No, sir, if you was a duke, I would not give up John to marry you.

Hyacinth. Vewy fine, you did that little bit of constancy in vewy good style; but now, having welievedyour feelings, you may as well do a little bit of nature, and own that, womanlike, you have changed your mind.

Susan. When I do, sir, I'll be sure to let you know. -349-- (Aside. A dandified fop! why, John's worth twenty such as him.) I'll send John in with your dinner, sir. [Curtsies and exit, leaving Hyacinth transfixed with astonishment.']

Scene III.--Front of inn.

Enter Susan with black ribbons in her cap. Susan. Heigho! so the gout's carried off poor old master at last. Ah! well, he was always a great plague to everybody, and it's one's duty to be resigned--he's been dead more than two months now, and it's above a month since mistress went to Broadstairs for a change, and left John and me to keep house--ah! it was very pleasant--we was so comfortable. Now, if in a year or two mistress was to sell the business, and John and me could save money enough to buy it, and was to be married, and live here; la! I should be as happy as the day's long. I've been dull enough the last week though--for last Monday--no, last Sat.u.r.day--that is, the Sat.u.r.day before last, John went for a holiday to see his friends in Yorks.h.i.+re, and there's been n.o.body at home but me and the cat--I can't think what ailed him before he went away, he seemed to avoid me like; and when he bid me goodbye, he told me if I should happen to pick up a sweetheart while he was gone, he would not be jealous--what could he mean by that? I dare say he only said it to tease me. I ought to have a letter soon to say when mistress is coming back. [Enter boy with letter, which he gives to Susan, and exit.]

Well, that is curious--it is from Broadstairs, I see by the post-mark.

Why, bless me, it's in John's handwriting--he can't be at Broadstairs, surely--I feel all of a tremble. (Opens the letter and reads.) ”My dear Seusan, Hafter i left yeu, I thort i should not ave time to go hall the way to York, so by way of a change i c.u.m down here, where I met poor Mrs., who seemed quite in the dumps and low like, about old master being dead, which is human natur cut down like gra.s.s, Seusan, and not having a creetur to speak to, naturally took to me, which was an old tho' humbel friend, Seusan--and--do not think me guilty of hincon-stancy, which I never felt, but the long and short of it is that we was married ”(the wretch!)” yesterday, and is comin' home to-morrow, where I hopes to remian very faithfully your affexionate Master and Mrs.

”John and Betsey Shortoats.”

[Susan tears the letter, bursts into tears, and sinks back into a chair fainting--curtain drops.]-350--

CHAPTER XLIV -- CONFESSIONS