Part 32 (1/2)
I was forced to learn your falsehood from your own lips, to be able to offer you the only thing you deserve, my scorn. Yes, my nature is so healthful that I have strength to thrust evil from me, though my very life should cleave to it. Oh, Heinrich, that it must come to this! You have stripped the bloom from my existence, stolen the most sacred emotions of a young, trusting heart, wished to take from me honor, faith, all that affords support and protection to a woman, torn the wings from my soul to chain me, and then, when you wished to disown me, to say 'fly away.' Oh, treacherous soul-murderer, beautiful and winning as no other can ever be, for whose creation an angel must have mated with a fiend, I love and hate you with equal fervor! I would gladly enn.o.ble you, yet feel already how you have corrupted me. Yes, I understand that no one resisted you,--that you conquered wherever you went; but here, proud man, is the limit of your victory. The shame you destined for me does not humiliate me, for I am conscious I have not deserved it. See, it rouses every hostile power within me. I feel, with a shudder, how they are taking possession of my heart, calling mockingly in my ears, 'Count Ottmar's mistress,' and painting scenes,--scenes which might well drive me to madness. And there stands the man who loves me, and from pure affection dooms me to such tortures; who will not suffer me to stand by his side before the world; will not give me his name in return for the life he demands: and all this is from pure love; and I,--why do I not from pure love thrust a knife into his false breast to avenge the law he derides?”
”So that is it? Because I will not make you Countess Ottmar! That is what causes you such bitter grief? Oh, Cornelia, you are far more haughty than virtuous!”
”Oh, my G.o.d, how have I deserved this?” cried Cornelia. ”Heinrich, Heinrich, vengeance will come upon you! You will some day be compelled to answer before G.o.d for the heart you have crushed! You wish by your sophisms to drive me to sacrifice my virtue, merely to prove that I am n.o.ble and unselfish, that I love the man and not the count. Oh, it is a clever calculation, and may already have led many a gentle heart astray! But it recoils from my firm reason, for the supposition is false, Heinrich. If your love and esteem are only to be obtained by sin, you are so evil that you are not worth the trouble of winning.
Believe that I am more haughty than virtuous; believe that my anger is only roused because I am not to become Countess Ottmar; I cannot convince you to the contrary, for G.o.d and his commands are higher than you, and G.o.d sees my heart and knows how it bleeds and quivers!”
”Do not be so violent, Cornelia; you cannot leave me. You are mine; own that you are. You have inhaled the sweet poison from my lips, and your soul absorbed in full draughts the fiery language of my pa.s.sion. You have foreseen all the joys of love; womanhood has unfolded its perfect flower. You cannot go back. Come, my dove, you are fluttering timidly, and yet feel that you are bound. Come, my angel, demand my vows; I will give them all to you as if before the altar. Does not Christ himself, to whom you pray, say, 'Where two are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them'?”
”Hold, blasphemer, to whom nothing is sacred!” cried Cornelia, releasing herself from his arms in mortal terror; and with sudden resolution she rushed to the door, along the pa.s.sage, down the staircase,--heard him following her, and hurried through the dark streets. She did not know herself what she wanted, or where she was going; ”away, away from him” was her only thought. A door stood ajar, and a faint light streamed through the opening. It was the church of the Jesuits. She fled into it. The house of G.o.d was empty, only a priest was praying at the altar beneath the red glow of the ever-burning lamp. _Henri's_ steps echoed behind her. She rushed up to the dark figure, and sank senseless before him.
”Heaven has apparently chosen me to be your good spirit, Count Ottmar, since I always stand in your way when you are in the act of doing things you might afterwards regret,” said the Jesuit, bending over Cornelia.
In the haste of the pursuit _Henri_ had recognized Father Severinus too late. Now he stood before him in amazement, and beheld his precious treasure lying senseless in the arms of his mortal enemy. _Henri_ was painfully embarra.s.sed. ”Severinus,” said he, ”I a.s.sure you this whole scene is the result of the folly of an innocent, enthusiastic girl, and that you may safely trust me to escort her home.”
Severinus gazed with increasing admiration at Cornelia's pure, pale features, as he aided her to rise. ”It depends on the decision of the lady herself whether she will go with you, or place herself under my protection.”
”Cornelia!” cried _Henri_, in tones so loud, so full of agony, that she opened her heavy eyes. ”Cornelia, angel of my life, do not abandon me!
Come with me, and forgive me for having alarmed you. Give me your dear hand, and let me take you home. Cornelia, have you no longer a single glance for your Heinrich?”
She stood trembling before him with downcast eyes, and did not move.
”If this reverend gentleman will take me, I will ask him to accompany me. With you, Heinrich, I shall go no more.”
”Come, my daughter,” said Severinus, with inexpressible gentleness.
Deep grief, such as he had never felt before, overmastered _Henri_. He tried to kiss her hand, but she withdrew it. ”Will you act in opposition to the dictates of your own heart, Cornelia?” he exclaimed.
”My love, do not cause yourself so much pain. See, you are pitying me almost more than I pity myself. Be more womanly, Cornelia; you cannot treat the man in whom your life is rooted thus. This is not the place for such discussions. I will forgive your want of confidence and your having exposed me to this gentleman in such a manner. To-morrow, my Cornelia, I shall hope to find you more reasonable.”
”More reasonable? You will never find me again.”
”Cornelia!”
”I think you will feel yourself that between us no reconciliation is possible. We are parted!”
”Cornelia! and you have loved me!”
”Because I have loved, still love--I fear you,” she breathed almost inaudibly. ”Should I need to fly from you if I hated you as I ought?”
She fixed her eyes once more on the wondrously beautiful features, now enn.o.bled by pain; tear after tear rolled slowly down her cheeks; she s.h.i.+vered violently, and sank sobbing at the feet of a life-size figure of Christ, resting her burning head against the cold stone.
”Oh, Cornelia,” whispered _Henri_, his voice trembling with emotion; ”unhappy child, why do you lacerate your own heart and mine so cruelly?
Tell me, wherefore do you now suffer all this? wherefore do you renounce me, do you bear this anguish?”
”Wherefore?” she said, looking up to the Christ to which she still clung. ”Ask Him. He will teach you.”
Severinus had stood a little apart, watching Cornelia as if in a dream; he was deeply moved. With a manner more tender than _Henri_ had ever seen in him, he now approached and offered her his arm. She obeyed him almost unconsciously, and pa.s.sed slowly by Ottmar. The latter threw himself before her, and pressed her dress to his lips.
”Girl, girl, I will not leave you! It is not possible that you can cast me off,--it is unnatural! Cornelia, am I to lose you? can it be? will you take all the joy and happiness from my life?”