Part 7 (1/2)
”Making yourself useful?” repeated _Heinrich_, thoughtfully. ”Do you really imagine you are of much use here?”
”_How much_ is not for me to measure, I make myself as useful as I can.
If every one only did this the world would be happier. It is not the success, but the will, that determines the value of an act. Vanity asks only about the result, honest purpose is satisfied with the doing.”
”Indeed!” said _Heinrich_. ”Are you so totally free from vanity?”
”Oh, no!” She suddenly burst into a merry laugh, and a ray of bright healthful enjoyment sparkled in her eyes. ”I will not say that. G.o.d forbid that I should surround myself with a false halo. I am as vain as every other young girl; it is only where the sphere of my earnest labor is concerned that I am humble and modest, then my own person retires completely into the background, and I live solely to accomplish my purpose. But in the outside world, where I am least useful, I am vain, a.s.suming, and selfish. I have often thought of this contradiction.”
”I understand that,” said _Heinrich_; ”you feel small in comparison to your ideas and wishes, because like all gifted human beings you always desire more than you can accomplish. But when, outside of this sphere, you meet with commonplace, petty natures, you feel great, because you desire and accomplish so much more than they. Am I not right?”
The girl raised her eyes in astonishment, and looked at him earnestly.
”You are right, and must have studied psychology more than one would have expected from a 'servant of the government.'”
”There is a singular blending of jest and earnest in your disposition,”
said _Heinrich_. ”I have never before witnessed such rapid transitions from gay to grave and grave to gay in any one. Yes, I might really believe you followed only your own impulses without motive or purpose.”
”Indeed, indeed you can! Believe me, I am doing nothing and want nothing, except to prove my love for mankind in every possible way. You seem to give me credit for political intrigues and dangerous connections. Oh, go to the prisoners, and convince yourself whether the spirit I instill is a revolutionary one or one of humility and repentance! By the manner in which I have taught these people to bear their misfortunes you will see whether my intentions are good and pure; and then you will give no information, but permit me to continue my office here, will you not?”
_Heinrich_ made no reply; he was gazing earnestly into the sparkling eyes of the suppliant. Suddenly he pointed to the nearest door. ”Go in to the prisoner there,--un.o.bserved; I will watch how you discharge the duties of your office and then decide.”
The warder opened the door, and the young girl quietly entered. A shrill cry of joy greeted her. ”Oh, Prison Fairy! dear Prison Fairy!
have you come at last?” exclaimed a young man.
”Why does he call her that?” _Heinrich_ asked the turnkey, in a low tone.
”One of the prisoners gave her the name, and since then we have all called her by it, because we know no other, and this suits her so well.”
”Oh, dear Fairy, I have pa.s.sed another terrible night! So long as you are here I am as good as a child,” continued the prisoner; ”but when you go away, the old sorrow bursts forth again in all its fury. Oh, if I could go out into the world and satisfy the impulses of my own heart!
Something might be made of me now, but after five years it will perhaps be too late. I felt that last night. True, the power to do evil may perhaps be broken in a ten years' imprisonment, but so is the strength to do well; and when I am sent out of this place, crippled in body and soul, an outcast from society, robbed of all civil honors and ability, it will get the dominion over me again. Then I shall be a mere idiot, who can no longer think of or feel anything except the greatness of his own misery; and for the a.s.sault I committed in a moment of pa.s.sion, a twofold murder will have been practiced upon my body and soul during these ten years!”
”Albert, why are you in such a horrible mood to-day?” asked the young girl, in alarm. ”You have not been so for a long time.”
”Because I have been obliged to wait for you during so many painful hours; because I thought you were not coming again, and felt that in you alone is rooted the power which has upheld me for the last three years, that I should be lost if you remained away. No, I have not deserved this punishment.”
”Albert, shall I repeat what I have always told you? Repeat it yourself.”
”You said I was aware of the punishment, and voluntarily drew it upon myself by my crime, that I must bear what was the result of my own guilt; but I a.s.sure you again and again that if that terrible moment I had been sufficiently master of myself to be able to think, I should never have committed the crime; not from fear of the punishment, but of the sin.”
”That excuses you in my eyes, but not in those of the law. Will you never be able to perceive that a man of such blind pa.s.sions must be made harmless? Who will guarantee that the next instant, spite of all good resolutions, he may not be attacked by the same madness and commit a second murder?”
”Harmless! Yes, yes, I have been made harmless!” he groaned. ”Why do you conjure up all the stings of conscience when I so greatly need consolation?”
”Because I see more clearly than ever that only the memory of your guilt makes your misery endurable; because you complain of the injustice of your punishment, and always become calmer when forced to acknowledge that, if not deserved, it was at least necessary and unfailing. And has not G.o.d sent a comfort to you in your sorrow,--a soul which understands you, which brings news of your beloved into your dungeon, and keeps the heart of your betrothed bride faithful to you?
Is not this a divine mercy which can cheer you?”
”Yes, yes, I acknowledge the blessing, and for the sake of this mercy will strive and hope that I may procure for you the only reward you can receive, n.o.ble, wonderful creature!--the consciousness of having saved a soul!”
”Yes, my friend, give me that reward; it is the n.o.blest gift which can be bestowed upon me for my efforts; and if I live to see the day when, purified and enn.o.bled, you return to the world, I shall thank G.o.d more fervently than ever for having given me a heart to suffer with others, and also make them rejoice.”