Part 7 (2/2)
”Colonel Mulvahill, this is mutiny!” bellowed the alien Pierce.
”True,” agreed Mulvahill. ”It also happens to be the only way to advance in this lizard's army.
Now, General, prepare to die!” ”Pierce!” cried the general. ”Do something!”
”Who, me?” asked Pierce weakly.
”Of course you!” snapped the general. ”You don't think he'll leave any witnesses, do you?”
”Keep out of this, alien,” hissed the sword-wielder. ”It doesn't pay to mess with Sean Mulvahill!”
”Sean Mulvahill?” repeated Marshmallow. ”An Irish lizard?”
”I'm unarmed!” cried the general.
”Of course,” said Mulvahill logically. ”After all, ifthis mutiny is to have any real chance of success, it makes a lot more sense to do it when you're unarmed.”
”Help me!” cried the general. ”We Pierces must stick together!”
”He'll kill me if I try to help you,” Pierce explained patiently.
”He'll kill you anyway!” shot back the general. ”Help me and I promise to set you free!”
”How about you?” Pierce asked Mulvahill. ”Where do you stand?”
”I'll have to think about it,” replied the Irish lizard, advancing meaningfully toward the general.
”Will you release the girl, too?” Pierce asked the general.
”Yes!”
”Then I guess I'll have to help you.” Pierce paused. ”What do I do now?”
”Get on the other side of him,” said the general. ”He can't point that sword at both of us at once.”
Pierce did as he was instructed.
”Okay,” grated the general. ”Now, when I give the word, you go for his sword arm and I'll hit his legs.”
”Just a minute,” protested Pierce. ”You go for his sword arm and I'll go for his legs.”
”It was my idea!” snapped the general. ”You go for the sword arm.”
”You may have said it first,” replied Pierce, ”but I was thinking of it first. In fact, I was just about to say it, but I thought I'd be polite and let you speak first.” He stared at the general. ”You go for his sword arm.”
”You're closer to it,” responded the general.
”But he's facing me now,” said Pierce. ”You do it while his back is turned.”
”A telling point,” said Marshmallow from the side lines. ”General, you really do have the advantage, what with his back being turned and all.”
The general seemed to consider this for a moment.
”Sean, old friend,” he said at last, ”would you honor a dying man's last request and face this way for just a moment or two?”
Mulvahill obliged him, nicking his chin with the point of his sword.
”I said face, not stab, you numbskull!” shrieked the general. ”G.o.ddammit, Mulvahill, you never could follow a simple order!”
Pierce, with a sigh of defeat, decided that he dreaded further conversation even more than physical annihilation, and hurled himself onto the alien. The lizard staggered but didn't fall, and Pierce suddenly found himself clinging desperately to Mulvahill's sword arm just below the elbow.
”Come on, General!” he bellowed. ”Give me a hand!”
The general stepped back and applauded.
”Son of a b.i.t.c.h!” muttered Marshmallow, drawing her pistol. ”It's getting to the point that if'n a girl wants her virtue protected, she's gotta do it herself.”
With that she fired off three quick shots. The first one buried itself in Mulvahill's heart; the second and third hit the first one.
”You mean you could have done that anytime you wanted?” said Pierce, crawling out from under the dead alien's body.
She nodded. ”Nothing to it. Just point and squeeze.”
”That's the most barbaric weapon I've ever seen,” said the general. ”May I borrow it?”
”Just what kinda fool do you take me for?” demanded Marshmallow, turning slightly and pointing the weapon at the alien Pierce. ”I've been standing here listening to you brag about how you're gonna conquer the universe and defeat my father, which are pretty much one and the samething. What makes you think I'd hand my gun over to you?”
”Well, yes, to be sure,” said the general hastily. ”But, after all, conquering the universe is destiny. This is just curiosity. May I?”
He extended a hand and took a tentative step in her direction. She pulled the trigger and the alien hit the deck until the bullet had stopped ricocheting.
”Keep your distance!” she warned him.
”Pierce, I put it to you,” said the general. ”Was that a civil thing to do to a guest?”
”Guest?” repeated Pierce dryly. ”I thought you were a conqueror.”
”First one, then the other,” replied the general, getting shakily to his feet. ”Right now I'm a guest.”
”Are you guys gonna get together and figure out how to get control of the s.h.i.+p back?”
demanded Marshmallow. ”Or am I gonna have to start slinging lead around again?”
”Do all your females have tempers like that?” asked the general, not without a touch of admiration. ”What a formidable soldier she'd make if only she could accept discipline.” He shrugged. ”Ah, well, wait'll she's laid ten thousand eggs or so; it tends to calm them down.”
”That's disgusting!” snapped Marshmallow.
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