Part 36 (1/2)
”Yes.”
The pause seemed to struggle, a sprout desperate for light.
”Who is this?” Kathleen asked.
”It's me, Kathleen,” she was told. The slippery male voice reached up, like hands groping from a grave. Then it finished: ”This is your Uncle Sammy.”
(II).
”I know,” he whispered. ”I know what you think. But there's so much you don't understand.” The few simple words she'd said thus far wrung ingots of sweat from his brow. Her voice. Her words. After all this time... ”n.o.body understands anything.”
”I understand that you're a sick piece of s.h.i.+t, Sam,” Kathleen replied quite calmly. ”I can't believe you're calling me. My phone number's unlisted. How did you get it?”
”Doesn't matter.” Footsteps snapped on cement behind him; the subway closed in an hour. The turnstiles clacked. ”I just wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to talk to you before-”
”I know, Sam. Before you run off with your bank roll. I know all about it. You're going to leave the country because you've got hit men coming after you.”
”Something like that.” But what could he say now? He wasn't even sure why he'd called at all; he just knew it was something he needed to do. ”I guess I'm calling to say that I'm sorry.”
”Eat s.h.i.+t and die,” Kathleen said.
Sammy frowned. Hearing her voice, despite her rancor, aroused him. It showed him the photograph. It took him back. ”All right, all right,” he said. ”You hate me-I know that. But back then, I was just a player, I was part of the machine. It's not my fault the world's the way it is.”
”My G.o.d, you've got some audacity. You were part of a p.o.r.nography ring, Sam. A lot of the stuff was child child p.o.r.nography; you were even in some of the films yourself!” Now her calm began to corrode. ”I saw them at the trial. You had s.e.x with p.o.r.nography; you were even in some of the films yourself!” Now her calm began to corrode. ”I saw them at the trial. You had s.e.x with children children, Sam! You had s.e.x with me from the time I was nine years old! nine years old!”
”Did I ever hurt you, Kathleen?” Sammy asked.
”Hurt me? You devastated me! You destroyed my whole childhood! You took something away from me that I can never get back.”
”That's a bunch of psychologist c.r.a.p and you know it.”
”You're such sc.u.m, Sam. How many kids were there? Do you know? How many innocent kids did you f.u.c.k? f.u.c.k?”
”You just don't understand,” Sammy defended himself. ”Sure, there were lots of kids, but I never hurt any of them. I loved them, just like I loved you, Kathleen.”
And it was, he knew. It was love.
”And what about those other things, Sam? Are you going to justify that too? Your network or whatever the h.e.l.l it was made films and magazines with women having s.e.x with animals! Women being tied up and whipped 'til they bled, or burned with curling irons. For G.o.d's sake, Sam, I remember one magazine where men put safety pins through a woman's nipples and then defecated on her!”
Ho, boy, Sammy thought. Yeah, there'd been some pretty groaty underground, all right, and Sammy had been involved in his share of that too, not just the kp and prep.u.b.es. Scat, water sports. Wet bondage and S&M (The ”wet” prefix meant blood was drawn) and the ”nek” flicks. Nek wasn't like snuff: sometimes a chick would overdose on the set and die; n.o.body killed them, for crying out loud. He remembered one he'd worked on (- Sammy thought. Yeah, there'd been some pretty groaty underground, all right, and Sammy had been involved in his share of that too, not just the kp and prep.u.b.es. Scat, water sports. Wet bondage and S&M (The ”wet” prefix meant blood was drawn) and the ”nek” flicks. Nek wasn't like snuff: sometimes a chick would overdose on the set and die; n.o.body killed them, for crying out loud. He remembered one he'd worked on (-Poke Her 'fore She's Cold, it was called-) and he pretty much just shrugged. If some people wanted to see that sort of thing, well then... Supply and demand Supply and demand, he thought. But Kathleen needed to be straightened out on some things. ”Like I said,” he repeated, ”it's not my fault the world's the way it is, and it's not my fault that certain people get off on watching that kind of stuff. If clients didn't order it, we wouldn't make it. Don't blame me, blame the customers. And the women in all that stuff? First off, they were all adults, and second, most of them were drug addicts. Is that my fault too? They came to us us. We gave them what they needed, and they gave us what we needed. Of their own free will, Kathleen. n.o.body forced them to be in any of it. And you want to know something? We had so many women begging to be in our productions, we had to turn some of them away.” The snuff, of course, and the rape viddies were different, but Sammy thought it best not to bring it up. h.e.l.l, most of those girls were about to spin anyway, or O.D. When you lived in the fast lane, sometimes you died in the fast lane-another doctrine of real life. Hard world, hard rules. Besides, it was Vinchetti's crew that handled all the snuff. So what if Sammy had helped out with some of the other productions? At least he'd never killed any of the girls...
”Are you going to condemn me for the rest of my life?” Sammy asked. ”For something that happened years ago?”
”Yes,” Kathleen said.
”You ever heard of regret, Kathleen? You ever heard of forgiveness?”
”You're unforgivable.” Silence. Next: ”Why did you call me, Sam?”
”I-” But why had he called? Really? ”Just to say...,” he started to say. ”...that what went on between us-I'm not talking about the films and the magazines, my job, and all that. That was something else. That had nothing to do with us. I'm talking about us. Back when I stayed with you at the house, when your father was out of town. Do you remember?”
”Yes,” Kathleen more or less croaked.
”That was us. That was you and me. Those times...” The words drifted a moment. Sammy's arousal throbbed. ”I'm calling to say that what went on between us, during those times, was...love.”
”You're despicable. I was only a child, Sam. A child, for Christ's sake...”
He couldn't help it. Her voice over the line seemed as warm as her body had been. He couldn't help it. His pants were open. His hand was moving.
Almost, he thought.
No one could see. The metro station was nearly empty, his back to the flank of ticket machines. No, no one can see me No, no one can see me, he knew.
”Say something,” he begged, panting.
”My G.o.d,” Kathleen croaked. ”What are you d-”
Almost.
The line went dead.
”Hey!” barked a voice. ”Hey, you there!”
A subway cop on the other side of the turnstiles was glaring at him at the phones.
”What the h.e.l.l are you doing!”
Sammy, dotted with sweat, zipped up his fly and scooted out to the parking lot.
It wasn't fair. When he spun wheels out of the metered s.p.a.ce, he kept the lights off; if the cop came after him, he didn't want his temp tags visible. He wheeled around the exit to Route 50, heading back for the motel.
n.o.body understands anything, he thought. he thought.
Chapter 32.
(I).
”Are you all right?” Spence said into the chained gap.