Part 33 (2/2)
”What right have I to write to her at all?--after the way in which I insulted her? To apologise on paper is the act of a coward. I must go to her, and hear her contempt of me. I deserve it.”
He did not write his letter after all.
CHAPTER XXVI
AS SOBER AS A JUDGE
That determination of his, to wait, was a hard thing for Masters to adhere to. He knew it was a wholesome resolve; at the same time the pill was very bitter: uncoated kind.
It is so much easier to do things on the spur of the moment; courage is an unbidden lieutenant then. Later on the aid must consciously be gathered together.
Curiously enough, Masters experienced pleasure in making the way hard for himself; there was no attempt to boil the peas before putting them in his shoe. It seemed more just to her whom he had wronged, this penance: a flagellation of his soul, as it were.
”She must witness my utter, abject humility,” he reflected. ”Must hear my prayer for forgiveness of my doubt of her. My sorrow must be seen; I can't paint it in pen and ink. Whatever I wrote--oh, the voice is mightier than the pen!--she might refuse to forgive me. Besides, if she is forewarned, knows I intend seeking her, she may even refuse to see me. I won't give her the chance; I won't write at all.”
That was his decision; the result of half-an-hour's close thought and the consumption of three pipes of tobacco. Then he sought his companion on deck. Braced himself up for the interview, rightly guessing the manner in which he would be a.s.sailed.
”Hullo!” d.i.c.k grinned. ”What have you come up on deck for--inspiration?
Think to infuse a sea-kissed salty air in your correspondence? I wouldn't lose any of that four hours if I were you. How many quires of my superfine cream-laid vellum note paper have you consumed so far? I know you haven't got any of your own.”
”Not a sheet.”
”Eh?”
”I have changed my mind.”
”I deny the possibility of that! You haven't a mind to change!”
”I am not going to write a letter at all.”
”What! After all this fuss too! Well, I am--there! After those absolutely brutal and unprovoked a.s.saults on me too! Truly has the mountain laboured!”
”What I have to say shall be uttered orally.”
”I doubt that! If my sister takes the advice I have given her in this letter, you'll never have a chance of getting within earshot. I have told her that you are the most violent, headstrong, ferocious, wrathful savage I ever met; that you are coming home. I have advised her to flee from the wrath to come.”
”You are incorrigible, d.i.c.k.”
”I like that! For pure and adulterated cheek, that annexes Huntley & Palmers' entire factory! I am viciously a.s.saulted by a rabid lunatic. I am deprived of the use of ink and paper purchased with my own hard coin.
I am thrown out of my cabin. And the man guilty of these foul crimes coolly stands in front of me with a pipe and a jeering remark in his mouth. Incorrigible!”
”My dear old d.i.c.k----”
Masters commenced a speech so; putting his hand on the boy's shoulder affectionately. He was interrupted by the cry of:
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