Part 28 (1/2)
”It is a fact,” he continued. ”Like a great number of others, I liked society, and cards, and wine, and--well, I am quite cured now, so I don't mind confessing it. I sacrificed at the shrine of Bacchus too often, and Bacchus resented it. The drink G.o.d is an ungrateful sort of deity, isn't he? He sent me visions of snakes and other creepy-crawlies.
When I came out of the land of visions I was the most washed-out wreck you ever saw. The doctor gave me up.”
”No?”
d.i.c.k e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed the word almost breathlessly. His own doctor had not gone so far as that. There was more than a chance of hope, after all! He listened.
”Fact. When I heard that, I was on the verge of suicide. Then they put me on a boat doing the Mediterranean trip; just as this one is. This brings back old times, and--well, here I am, you see; I am all right now.”
”And the doctor, you say--but how did you--did you conquer your craving?”
”Sheer force of will. I took an oath that whilst I was on the s.h.i.+p I wouldn't touch a drop.”
”I have done that, too!”
”You?”
Masters started round in astonishment: really a clever piece of acting.
”Yes.... Well, the cat's out of the bag now. Thank G.o.d I haven't got a temperance crank for a companion on the voyage. I have done what you have done, and I am setting out to do now what you did: coming away to get shut of it all. To try and break myself free from the curse.”
”You'll do it!”
The flushed face flushed still deeper; deepened to purple, at the a.s.surance. But the dulled eyes had quite an eager light in them, as the speaker pressed his question:
”You think I will? You really think I will? That I have strength enough?”
”Of course! It's the despondent times you have to fear; just don't fear them. Just hang on to me when you feel them coming. Don't get by yourself; it's like taking one's pill uncoated; cling to me like a barnacle. I'll help you to kill your blue devils!”
”You will? By G.o.d!” He spoke almost breathlessly; the proffered help was so sweet: hit him in the face. ”You're a brick! And a stranger, too; never set eyes on me before!”
”Never. Quite right; never set eyes on you before! But remember, we've been burnt in the same fire. A fellow-feeling makes us--you know the rest.”
”By Jove! You are wondrous kind. Do you know, I funked this voyage; funked it believing there was death aboard--overboard--for me. Imagined every soul would read the story in my face and shun me. People are so apt to judge the quality of a pasture by the length of the gra.s.s.”
”Rot!”
Masters was shuddering inwardly as he looked at his companion. This bloated youth, who looked five-and-twenty, yet spoke with the boyishness of eighteen. He dived into his secret apprehension; shuddered to think that the woman he loved should be linked to such a drink-sodden wretch.
Thought of her induced him to lower the sail of his dignity.
There was the hope, the chance, of reformation. When Rigby set foot on the vessel it had been with despair at his heart; he had attended the funeral of hope long ago. Things were different now. As for Masters, he realized that the man was young; might perhaps still meet with salvation.
But it was a thin reed on which to rely: his youth; a two-edged fact: might cut either way. Masters was quite aware of that as he uttered the rea.s.suring monosyllable. Spoke in a forced tone of conviction; there is a limit to suffering; none to fear.
The odds, too, are against a drunkard's reformation; all Lombard Street to a China orange. Anyway, it was a fact he was going to do his level best to turn things to good account. The youngster must be spurred on; not to advance is to retreat. Not only is courage needed in facing a difficulty, but the ability to grapple with it; if looked in the face too long, it is apt to stare us out of countenance.
”I believe you.” Rigby spoke with grateful fervour. ”Anyway, I am not going to face the future gloomily now!”
”That's half the battle. After all, life's only a journey; it's more or less our own fault if we don't make a pleasure excursion of it.”
”I believe that.”