Part 29 (1/2)
SAt.u.r.dAY AFTERNOON AFTERNOON, Dad sits in front of the TV with a beer and biltong, watching an SABC special on Hansie Cronje. It's depressing. I can't watch a guy hailed as a national hero reduced to regrets and apologies. Dad sits in front of the TV with a beer and biltong, watching an SABC special on Hansie Cronje. It's depressing. I can't watch a guy hailed as a national hero reduced to regrets and apologies.
Mom's baking. Again. We got pancakes for breakfast, cheese scones for second breakfast, and there's apple crumble coming for tea. I could help her, I should, but she'll ask about last night, and I don't want to lie. My heart is a chunk of rock. Part of me wants to call Gabriel and tell him it's okay that I poured my guts out to him and he just walked away, that I understand his confusion and anger. Another part of me wants to tell him he was a total jerk for leaving me there alone.
So he's not perfect. What is perfection, anyway? I never meant he was perfect in some grand ideal kind of way, just that he was perfect to me.
I retreat to my bedroom and switch out the Marilyn Manson CD for something that won't make me think of Gabriel. That doesn't leave much. Anything with lyrics is out, since no matter what heartbreaking situation the singer might be on about, it'll be about Gabriel to me. Beethoven and anything with piano is clearly out. Karl Jenkins and anything choir related is out. Resigned, I sit in silence and stare at my computer screen.
”I'M NOT NOT gay,” Resa said as he did up the b.u.t.tons on his s.h.i.+rt. Tristan still lay in bed, the duvet pulled up to his chin. Resa was leaving again. He never stayed the night. Once he got what he wanted, he left. gay,” Resa said as he did up the b.u.t.tons on his s.h.i.+rt. Tristan still lay in bed, the duvet pulled up to his chin. Resa was leaving again. He never stayed the night. Once he got what he wanted, he left.
”Doesn't having s.e.x with boys by very definition make you gay?”
”You sound so human,” Resa sneered. ”Needing a label for everything. We are what we are.”
”You just said what you're not.”
Resa glared at Tristan as he pulled on his pants, slowly, deliberately making Tristan watch. Resa toyed with him, and Tristan let him.
”I'm not gay or straight or anything. I don't have to fit into a box.”
”So what are we, then? Boyfriends, lovers, friends with benefits?”
Resa grinned and ran a hand through his tangled hair. ”What does it matter?”
Tristan twisted the duvet in his fist, feeling so vulnerable, naked under the covers with Resa's lizard-green gaze focused on him.
”I love you. More than a fellow Kazarian, more than brothers. I love you, Resa.”
Resa laughed, a deep belly rumble that made Tristan's blood freeze in his veins. ”Of course you do.” Resa smirked and opened his arms. ”How could you not?”
”You might seem like the perfect guy, Resa. On the surface, at least. But I know your darkest secrets, and I still love you.”
”I'm flattered.” Resa shoved his arms into his jacket. ”But that doesn't make you a romantic, Tristan. It makes you a fool.”
Resa flung open the door and stepped into the cool of the night, leaving Tristan cowering under the covers. He was alone on a hostile planet billions of miles away from home, with no one but Resa to love him back.
THE PHONE PHONE rings, and I save the doc.u.ment, not sure if that scene is worth keeping. I glare at Liam St. Clare's impeccable face as I answer with a desultory h.e.l.lo. rings, and I save the doc.u.ment, not sure if that scene is worth keeping. I glare at Liam St. Clare's impeccable face as I answer with a desultory h.e.l.lo.
”Hey, Ree. How you doing?”
For several long moments, I battle to breathe. Jordan was the last person I expected to call.
”Treasa, you there?”
”Yeah, I'm here.”
”You drop the phone or something?” She sounds way too cavalier.
”Jordan, I don't even know where to begin.”
”Save it. Honestly. I'm so over this whole St. Bridget's debacle. Between the parking lot skinder about my mom and comments about me being a s.l.u.t, I'm actually kind of glad to be leaving it all behind.”
”You are? All of it?”
She sighs. ”I know you think you're to blame for all this, but you're really not.”
”I wrote the note to Hannah.”
”Ja, and that cow would've probably trashed my art anyway. I don't regret smacking her either. I only regret Gabriel stopping me before I got the chance to really pull some moves on her.”
”Jordan.” Again, I sound like my mother using that warning tone.
”What? They going to expel me again?”
I migrate from my desk to the bed and splay my fingers in Riker's fur. ”Candyce told me.”
”About?”
”The time she kissed you.” Silence on the line. ”Jordan?”
”Ja, I'm here. Just thinking. Would've been so much easier to just come out about everything at the time. Then none of this would've happened,” she says.
”Candyce says she's lesbian.”
”Good for her.”
”Are you?”
Jordan takes another minute to answer. ”I don't think so. I mean, kissing girls isn't weird to me, but I like kissing boys, and to be honest, while I don't mind kissing girls, it doesn't really turn me on like kissing boys does.”
”Oh, okay.”
”No offense, Ree.”
”None taken.” We sit in comfortable silence for a bit. Riker purrs, his whole body vibrating beneath my fingertips. That's how being around Gabriel makes me feel, like every atom in my body is quivering with energy.
”So what's up with you not being at school? I heard you cut your hair.”
”There's something I need to talk to you about.”
”I'm listening.”
I should tell her face-to-face, but this way is easier. At least I won't have to see her face twist in disgust or confusion like Gabriel's did. The words come out in a stammering ramble as I struggle to explain everything that's happened the past few days and why.