Part 3 (2/2)
At the royal table on one occasion were two ladies from an obscure provincial town who were unused to the customs of city and court. When tea was brought in they poured some from the cup into the saucer to cool it. The king saw a smile go around the table at their expense, and, with politeness worthy of a king, he hastened to pour his own tea into the saucer, upon which every person at the table felt obliged to follow the royal example, and the two strangers were spared the mortification of discovering that they had done anything unusual.
LESSON VII.
OUTLINE FOR BLACKBOARD.
MANNERS IN SOCIETY.
_Entering and taking leave._ _Removal of hat and care of wrappings._ _Various courtesies._ _Staring at or speaking of defects and infirmities._ _Treatment of accidents and mistakes._ _Whispering, laughing, and private conversation._ _Attention to one's dress or matters of toilet._ _Sitting still gracefully._ _Inattention to the company we are in._ _Introductions._ _Giving proper t.i.tles._ _Attention in conversation,--ill.u.s.tration._ _Attention to reading or music._ _Looking over another's shoulder._ _Reading letters._ _Interest in what is shown us._ _Asking questions of strangers._ _Contradicting statements._ _Doing our part._
LESSON VII.
MANNERS IN SOCIETY.
WHEN we make a call upon a friend, we should speak to each person in the room when we enter and when we leave, but at a party or other formal gathering it is not necessary to take leave of any except the host and hostess, to whom we must also speak as soon as we arrive. A visit is a more important matter than a call, and at its close, we should take pains to bid good by to each one of the household, expressing to those who have entertained us, when we can do so with truth, our enjoyment of the visit, and our wish to have them visit us.
It is polite to write as soon as possible to those whom we have been visiting: they wish to know of our safe arrival at home; and a letter also gives us opportunity to say any pleasant thing about the visit that we may have forgotten or omitted.
Upon entering any house a gentleman or gentlemanly boy will remove his hat, and never allow it upon his head inside the door.
When the streets are muddy or snowy, we should carefully wipe our feet or remove our overshoes at the door; and in stormy weather we must take care that dripping waterproofs and umbrellas are put where they will not injure carpets or paper.
When the company are putting on their wrappings to go home, it is polite to offer a.s.sistance, particularly to those older than ourselves.
A gentleman should allow a lady to pa.s.s through a door before him, holding it open for her. We ought not to pa.s.s in front of others if we can go behind them; but if it is necessary to do so, we should ask them to excuse us. A gentleman should go upstairs before a lady, and behind her coming down, taking care not to step on her dress.
If a handkerchief or other article is dropped, we should hasten to pick it up and restore it to the owner. In handing a pair of scissors, a knife, or any pointed article, we ought to turn the point toward ourselves.
It is rude to stare at people in company, especially if they are unfortunate in any way or peculiar in appearance; neither is it polite to allude to a personal defect or ask a question about its cause, even in the kindest manner. The same rule applies here as in case of family misfortune or bereavement, that if persons suffering the affliction wish it mentioned, they will speak of it first themselves. To do as we would be done by is the rule of real politeness in all these cases.
If an accident happens to persons or their dress, or if their dress is out of order, if we can give a.s.sistance we should do so in a quiet way without attracting attention; if we cannot be of use, we should take no notice of the misfortune. The same principle of good-breeding will keep us from laughing at mistakes or accidents.
To exchange glances with another, to whisper, or to laugh unless others know what we are laughing at, is even ruder than to stare, and no one who is polite will do these things. In company is not the place to tell secrets or carry on personal or private conversation.
We should see that our dress is in order before we enter the room, and then neither think nor speak of it. To look in the gla.s.s, smooth one's gloves and laces, or play with rings or chain, seems like calling attention to our dress, and is in bad taste. It would seem unnecessary here or anywhere to say that attention to finger-nails, which is a matter of the toilet for one's chamber, is inexcusable, if we did not sometimes see persons in the presence of others take out pocket-knives for this purpose.
It is a common saying that people unused to society do not know what to do with their hands and feet. The best direction that can be given is to do nothing. Let them take easy positions of themselves, and think no more about them. To sit still gracefully is an accomplishment worth acquiring, and it should be studied by boys and girls as well as grown people. The necessity for it comes so often in life that we should learn to do it well. We should not sit on the edge or corner of a chair, or tilt it backward or forward.
Drumming with the fingers on tables or chairs, rocking rapidly back and forth, or looking out of the window, as if we were more interested in things outside than in those in the room, should never be done. It is well said that ”if in company we are absent in mind, we had better be absent in body.” ”Forget yourself” is one of the best and broadest precepts of good behavior; but we should never forget others.
It is often our duty in society to introduce persons to each other, and we should study to do this gracefully. It is said of Alice Cary that she had such a happy way of giving introductions as to make each person feel specially honored. We should introduce a gentleman to a lady, saying, ”Mr. Smith, Miss Jones,” if we use this simplest form of introduction, and not ”Miss Jones, Mr. Smith,” as is often done. We should introduce a younger person to an older, unless it be one of our own family, when, ”My aunt, Mrs. Brown, Miss Jones,” is proper. We should introduce strangers to each other at the table and elsewhere before they have time to feel awkward at not being able to speak. Great pains should be taken to p.r.o.nounce distinctly the names of those introduced. Too often each person hears only his own.
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