Part 42 (1/2)
Lucy opened the door to the cubicle, then closed it after them. The place was crowded for two-h.e.l.l, it was crowded for one. But closing the door didn't have to mean anything except that Lucy didn't want to advertise her whiskey. Johnson wouldn't have.
She took the bottle out of a duffel bag mostly full of clothes. Cutty Sark-not great scotch, but a h.e.l.l of a lot better than no scotch. The bottle was almost full. She undid the screw top and replaced it with a perforated cork with a piece of gla.s.s tubing doing duty for a straw. ”Go ahead,” she said, and pa.s.sed him the bottle.
”Thanks,” he said from the bottom of his heart. He sucked up what he judged to be not quite a shot's worth of whiskey. It tasted so good, he wanted a lot more. Instead, he put his thumb over the top of the tubing and gave the bottle back to Lucy Vegetti. ”Trust my germs?”
”If this stuff won't kill 'em, what will?” She drank about as much as he had, then yanked out the cork, put on the lid, and stowed away the scotch. An amber globule the size of a pea still floated in the air in the middle of the cubicle. Lucy and Johnson both moved toward it at the same time.
Johnson nodded to her. ”Go ahead. It's yours.”
”A gentleman.” Lucy opened her mouth. The droplet of scotch disappeared. Then she leaned forward a couple of inches farther and kissed him.
Seemingly of themselves, his arms slipped around her. The kiss went on and on. ”Jesus,” he said when they finally broke apart. ”I've wanted to do that for a long time.”
”So have I,” Lucy said. ”Now I have a better notion that I can... I don't know, trust you isn't quite right, but it's close enough.”
He wondered what she would have done-if she'd have done anything-had he been a pig with the bottle or stolen that floating drop of Cutty for himself. Then he stopped wondering, because she unzipped her coverall and wriggled out of it. She wore bra and panties underneath. A lot of women had stopped bothering with bra.s.sieres-what point to them in weightlessness?-but not her. Either she was too stubborn to care or she didn't want to put herself on display like that. Johnson was too busy getting out of his own clothes to worry about it.
They caressed each other and stroked each other and kissed each other all over. Floating free as they did, who was on top was a matter of opinion, unimportant opinion. Presently, a little awkwardly, he went into her. She wrapped her arms and legs around his back. He used one hand to snag a handhold and the other to keep on stroking her down where they were joined.
That brought her along about as quickly as he came himself: he'd gone without a long time. Then, before long, there were other little moist, sticky droplets floating in the air. They both hunted them down with rags. ”Messy,” he said with a grin, as happy and relaxed as he'd been for a long time.
”It always is,” Lucy said. ”Usually, though, men don't have to pay attention to it.” He shrugged and snagged another drop before it hit a wall. The world was still every bit as liable to blow up as it had been half an hour before, but that didn't seem to matter nearly so much.
Ka.s.squit read each day's news reports with mounting alarm. The Race had made it very plain to the Deutsche that any aggression the Big Uglies tried would be punished manyfold. The Deutsche had to understand that. But here they were, sounding fiercer and more determined every day.
”Are they addled?” she demanded of Ttomalss in the stars.h.i.+p's refectory. ”They must know what will happen to them if they go on. You were among them for a while. Why do they not believe us?”
”Tosevites have a greater capacity for self-delusion than do males and females of the Race,” Ttomalss answered, and Ka.s.squit knew no small pride that he spoke to her as if she were a female of the Race. He went on, ”Past that, I will only say that fathoming their motivations remains difficult if not impossible.”
”They cannot hope to defeat us,” Ka.s.squit exclaimed.
Ttomalss waved at the males and females (mostly males, for this s.h.i.+p had orbited Tosev 3 since the arrival of the conquest fleet, and still carried a large part of its old crew) of the Race in the refectory with them. ”Our kind is relatively h.o.m.ogeneous,” he said. ”Big Uglies are more variable. We come from one culture; they still have many very different cultures. We are discovering that cultural differences can be almost as important as genetic variation. We had some evidence of this in the a.s.similation of the Hallessi, but it is much more striking here.”
”I can see how it might be.” Ka.s.squit looked down at her soft, scaleless arms; at the preposterous organs on her chest that secreted, or could secrete, nutritive fluid; at the itchy stubble between her legs that reminded her she would soon need to shave it off again. ”After all, what am I but a Big Ugly with cultural differences?”
”Exactly so,” Ttomalss said, which was the last thing she wanted to hear. More often than not, Ttomalss hadn't the faintest idea he'd upset her; this time, for a wonder, he noticed, and amended his words: ”You are a Tosevite citizen of the Empire, the first but surely not the last.”
”There are times-there are many times-when I wish I could be altogether of the Race,” Ka.s.squit said wistfully.
”Culturally, you are,” Ttomalss said, which she couldn't deny. He went on, ”Physiologically, you are not, and you cannot be. But that has not stopped either the Rabotevs or the Hallessi from becoming full partic.i.p.ants in imperial life.”
That was also a truth. But it was only a partial truth. Ka.s.squit said, ”Both the Rabotevs and the Hallessi are more similar to the Race-physiologically and psychologically-than Big Uglies are.”
”We have known from the beginning that a.s.similating this planet would be harder than incorporating Rabotev 2 or Halless 1,” Ttomalss answered. ”But we are willing-indeed, we have no choice but-to expend the time and effort necessary to do what must be done.” He let his mouth fall open and waggled his lower jaw: wry laughter. ”They are very perturbed back on Home. We have just received answers to some of our early communications after we discovered the true nature of this world. They are wondering if any of us still survive.”
”Considering the att.i.tude of the Deutsche, they have a right to be worried,” Ka.s.squit said. ”If the Reich Reich has a missile targeted on this s.h.i.+p, we could die in the next instant, probably before we even knew we were hit.” has a missile targeted on this s.h.i.+p, we could die in the next instant, probably before we even knew we were hit.”
”If that happens-if anything like that happens-the Reich Reich will cease to exist,” Ttomalss said. ”The Deutsche have to know as much. They have to.” He sounded as if he was trying to rea.s.sure himself as well as Ka.s.squit. will cease to exist,” Ttomalss said. ”The Deutsche have to know as much. They have to.” He sounded as if he was trying to rea.s.sure himself as well as Ka.s.squit.
”But do they truly grasp it?” Ka.s.squit persisted. ”They have shown no sign of doing so. And even if they are smashed, can they weaken us enough to leave us vulnerable to uprisings from the areas we rule, or to attacks from the SSSR or the USA?”
”I am not the fleetlord; I do not know such things,” Ttomalss said. ”What I do know is that we will destroy all the Tosevites if we ever appear to be in danger of being conquered ourselves.”
What felt like a lump of ice formed in Ka.s.squit's belly. She tried to call up a word, and could not. ”In ancient days, when incurable disease was spreading-”
”Quarantine,” Ttomalss said, this time following her thought well. Ka.s.squit made the affirmative gesture. The male who had reared her continued, ”Yes, that is the planned strategy. Tosevites here in this solar system can be managed, one way or another. Tosevites who might travel between the stars in their own s.h.i.+ps... We cannot permit it. We shall not permit it.”
That made sense. If it meant exterminating Ka.s.squit's biological species... it still made sense. She could see as much. The idea of wild Big Uglies with stars.h.i.+ps-in essence, wild Big Uglies with a conquest fleet of their own-was truly horrifying. What might they do to Home or other planets of the Empire, all of which were essentially undefended? Far worse than the Race had done on Tosev 3: she was sure of that. They wouldn't want to colonize Home-they'd want to smash it.
Alternatives? Well, she herself was one of the alternatives. ”We have to do everything we can to keep them from seeking such a thing, which means we have to do everything we can to a.s.similate them before they are technically able to do such a thing.”
”Truth.” Ttomalss added an emphatic cough.
”In aid of which,” Ka.s.squit said, ”how are the arrangements going for another meeting between the American Tosevites and me?”
”Fairly well,” her mentor answered. ”For some reason, the Americans seem more hesitant now than they were before, but I still expect matters to be resolved before long.”
”Who among the Americans is hesitant?” Ka.s.squit asked in some surprise. ”In my communications with Sam Yeager, he expresses eagerness, and says his hatchling feels the same way.”
”In the hatchling's case, if not in that of the elder Yeager, such eagerness may in part be related to s.e.xual desire,” Ttomalss said dryly.
Not for the first time, Ka.s.squit was glad her face didn't show what she felt. A pang of longing? It startled her. It embarra.s.sed her. But it was there. She didn't want to think about it, and so, resolutely, she didn't. All she said was, ”They showed no signs of it at the last meeting. And, if it is a factor, it is certainly not the only one involved.”
”There I would agree with you,” Ttomalss replied. ”And, so long as you want them, I also want these meetings to go forward, as I have said. I shall do everything I can to resolve the difficulties, which appear to be bureaucratic in nature.”
”I thank you, superior sir.” Ka.s.squit got to her feet, towering over the males and females in the refectory. She set her tray and bowl and utensils on the conveyor that took them off to be washed and reused, then went back to her cubicle. That little s.p.a.ce gave her as much privacy as she could get aboard the stars.h.i.+p. Somewhere, though, a tiny camera recorded everything she did. She was a Tosevite citizen of the Empire, true. But she was also a specimen for the Race to study.
She wished Ttomalss hadn't told her about the camera. Now, when she felt the overpowering need to stroke her private parts-as she sometimes did-she also felt even more constraint and guilt than she had before. It wasn't just that her biology made her different from the Race, not any more. It was also that Ttomalss-and other males and females-could watch her being different, and could scorn her for the differences.
As she checked for electronic messages, though, she let her mouth fall open in a laugh. The idea that struck her wasn't funny enough to make her laugh out loud-another difference rooted in Tosevite biology. But ginger had made the Race's reproductive behavior more like that prevailing down on Tosev 3. Ttomalss and other males and females-especially Felless, whom she intensely disliked-were no longer in such a good position to criticize what she did.
Sure enough, a couple of messages awaited her. One, a.s.suming she truly did belong to the Race, tried to sell her a new, improved fingerclaw trimmer. She wondered how, after so many millennia of civilization, a fingerclaw trimmer could possibly be improved. Most likely, the merchant selling it had been on Tosev 3 so long, he'd acquired Tosevite notions of extravagant advertising. Ka.s.squit deleted that one without a qualm.
The other message came from Sam Yeager. Your people are being kind of picky about letting Jonathan and me come up for a second visit, Your people are being kind of picky about letting Jonathan and me come up for a second visit, he wrote. he wrote. Seems they do not want an American s.p.a.cecraft linking up with one of your stars.h.i.+ps. Hard to blame them, with the Deutsche making such nuisances of themselves, but we Americans are still mostly harmless. Seems they do not want an American s.p.a.cecraft linking up with one of your stars.h.i.+ps. Hard to blame them, with the Deutsche making such nuisances of themselves, but we Americans are still mostly harmless.
Ka.s.squit pondered that. How was she supposed to take it? Tone was hard to gauge on electronic messages anyhow, and she had all the more trouble because Sam Yeager was a Big Ugly. She also noted that the story he told was different from the one she'd got from Ttomalss. She didn't suppose that should have surprised her; Tosevites were even more reluctant to admit they could be at fault than were males or females of the Race.
Would it be possible for you and your hatchling to fly here in one of our shuttlecraft? she asked. she asked.
No immediate answer came back, which didn't surprise her. Sam Yeager's message wasn't very recent, and he'd doubtless gone off to do other things instead of sitting at his computer waiting for her reply. She read for a while, then returned to the computer to check the news-the Deutsche still sounded as bellicose as ever-and then, in an act that brought her as much pleasure from defiance as from physical sensation, turned off the lights in the cubicle and caressed herself.
No doubt the camera monitored infrared. The watchers would know what she was doing even with the lights out. While she was doing it, she didn't care. That was a mixture of defiance and physical sensation, too. She'd seen videos of Big Uglies mating-more products of the Race's research on Tosevites. She wasn't usually in the habit of imagining herself in one of those videos, but today she did: another act of defiance. And she imagined the male with which she was doing the improbable deed had Jonathan Yeager's face.
After the pleasure faded, the shame for what she'd done seemed all the greater. As she turned the lights back on and washed her hands, she sighed. She wished her body wouldn't drive her to such extremes. But it did, and she had to come to terms with that.