Part 119 (2/2)
”My learned friend had better go into the witness-box, if he means to give evidence,” said Mr. Colt.
”You are very much afraid of a very little truth,” retorted Saunders.
The judge stopped this sham rencontre, by asking the witness whether her father had been wrecked. She said ”Yes.”
”And that is how the money was lost,” persisted Saunders.
”Possibly,” said the judge.
”I'm darned if it was,” said Joshua Fullalove composedly.
Instantly, all heads were turned in amazement at this audacious interruption to the soporific decorum of an English court. The transatlantic citizen received this battery of eyes with complete imperturbability.
”Si-lence!” roared the crier, awaking from a nap, with an instinct that something unusual had happened. But the shrewd old judge had caught the sincerity with which the words were uttered, and put on his spectacles to examine the speaker.
”Are you for the plaintiff or the defendant?”
”I don't know either of 'em from Adam, my lord. But I know Captain Dodd's pocket-book by the bullet-hole.”
”Indeed! You had better call this witness, Mr. Colt.”
”Your lords.h.i.+p must excuse me; I am quite content with my evidence,” said the wary advocate.
”Well then, I shall call him as _amicus curiae;_ and the defendant's counsel can cross-examine him.”
Fullalove went into the box, was sworn, identified the pocket-book, and swore he had seen fourteen thousand pounds in it on two occasions. With very little prompting, he told the sea-fight, and the Indian darkie's attempt to steal the money, and pointed out Vespasian as the rival darkie who had baffled the attempt. Then he told the s.h.i.+pwreck to an audience now breathless--and imagine the astonished interest with which Julia and Edward listened to this stranger telling them the new strange story of their own father!--and lastly, the attempt of the two French wreckers and a.s.sa.s.sins, and how it had been baffled. And so the mythical cash was tracked to Boulogne.
The judge then put this question, ”Did Captain Dodd tell you what he intended to do with it?”
_Fullalove_ (reverently).--I think, my lord, he said he was going to give it to his wife. (Sharply.) Well, what is it, old hoss? What are you making mugs at me for? Don't you know it's clean against law to telegraph a citizen in the witness-box?
_The Judge._--This won't do; this won't do.
_The Crier._--Silence in the court.
”Do you hyar now what his lords.h.i.+p says?” said Fullalove, with ready tact. ”If you know anything more, come up hyar and swear it like an enlightened citizen; do you think I am going to swear for tew?” With this Vespasian and Fullalove proceeded to change places amidst roars of laughter at the cool off-hand way this pair arranged forensicalities; but Serjeant Saunders requested Fullalove to stay where he was. ”Pray sir,” said he slowly, ”who retained you for a witness in this cause?”
Fullalove looked puzzled.
”Of course somebody asked you to drop in here so very accidentally: come now, who was it?”
”I'm G.o.d Almighty's witness dropped from the clouds, I cal'late.”
”Come, sir, no prevarication. How came you here just at the nick of time?”
”Counsellor, when I'm treated polite, I'm ile; but rile me, and I'm thunder stuffed with pison: don't you raise my dander, and I'll tell you. I have undertaken to educate this yar darkie,”--here he stretched out a long arm, and laid his hand on Vespasian's woolly pate--”and I'm bound to raise him to the Eu-ropean model.” (Laughter.) ”So I said to him, coming over Westminster Bridge, 'Now there's a store hyar where they sell a very extraordinary Fixin; and it's called Justice; they sell it tarnation dear; _but_ prime. So I make tracks for the very court where I got the prime article three years ago, against a varmint that was breaking the seventh and eighth commandments over me, adulterating my patent and then stealing it. Blast him!” (A roar of laughter.) ”And coming along I said this old country's got some good pints after all, old hoss. One is they'll sell you justice dear, _but_ prime in these yar courts, if you were born at Kamschatkee; and the other is, hyar darkies are free as air, disenthralled by the univarsal genius of British liberty; and then I pitched Counsellor Curran's bunk.u.m into this darkie, and he sucked it in like mother's milk, and in we came on tiptoe, and the first thing we heard was a freeborn Briton treated wus than ever a n.i.g.g.e.r in Old Kentuck, decoyed away from his gal, shoved into a darned madhouse--the darbies clapped on him----”
”We don't want your comments on the case, sir.”
<script>