Part 4 (1/2)
Given the whole vampires, wizards, other worlds, sentient shadows, trapped ghosts deal, he saw no reason to doubt her.
Precedent suggested the world was about a hundred and eighty degrees weirder than most people suspected and, these days, nothing much surprised him. Besides, hers wasn't the kind of story a sane person would make up. On the other hand, she did fall off buildings and set herself on fire for a living, so perhaps sanity wasn't a given here.
”So...” He groped his way back to the beginning of the story. ”... this Ryne Cyratane slaughtered everyone you knew?”
”Every single person. Even called the goatherds in from the hills.”
”I don't want to bring up old s.h.i.+t, but...” Tony pushed a cashew around his plate until it slid off the edge, bounced across the table, and off onto the floor. Only then did he look up and meet her gaze. ”He slaughtered everyone, and you don't seem too upset by that.”
”What do you expect?” Her shrug was perfect twenty-first century ennui. ”It happened a very long time ago. I've dealt. You should have seen me right afterward, I was a mess.” She widened her eyes, raised both hands, fingers spread, and shook them from side to side. ”I was the crazy lady who lived in the wilderness for about three hundred years. One day I was a warning to misbehaving children, next thing I knew I was being fished out of the Nile by the servants of a priest of Thoth. He cleaned me up, brought me back to myself. He was a wizard.” Her eyes unfocused and the corners of her mouth curled into a smile as she examined the memory. ”And kind of cute in a shaved head, totally fanatical sort of way.”
”What happened to him?”
”He got a little too ambitious and the governor fed him to the crocodiles.”
Crocodiles? Tony wished the threats on his life were so mundane. ”Couldn't have been much of a wizard.”
”They were very large crocodiles. And there were a lot of them.”
”What happened to you?”
Attention snapped back onto Tony's face. ”Do you really want the whole life story? Because until the last couple of centuries, it's been pretty much centered in and around the beds of powerful men.”
It'd been more than that-frighteningly more-Tony could see a b.l.o.o.d.y history lurking behind Leah's glib comment. But he could also see she didn't want to share. Not a problem. He didn't like handing out every detail of his back story either. ”So this demon has been trying to get back through the gate for thirty-five hundred years.”
Dark brows drew in. ”No. What makes you say that?”
”Well, he's... you know.” He waved at where the translucent image would be and realized it hadn't been around since Leah's little orientation ”test.”
”Oh, that. We're connected, of course, but after all this time he knows I'm not going to kill myself, so he lives his own life. He's probably hanging around the gate right now because of the Demonic Convergence.”
”Say what?”
”The reason I'm here.”
”Right.” ”And he's usually around during s.e.x.”
Tony raised the fork again.
She grinned and rolled her eyes. ”Stop panicking, we've already established that's not going to happen. But if it did, the energy created while I adjusted your lifestyle would go through the gate and into my lord-as long as he's close enough to the gate at his end.”
”The Demonlord gets off through you?” That sounded just a little ethically kinky.
”Not exactly off. He gains power from s.e.x. Always has. The man/woman variety only, though...” Her voice picked up a slightly mocking tone. ”... which seems kind of limiting for a demon powered by s.e.xual energies, but there you go.”
”You're feeding him? With s.e.x?” Scratch the qualifier.
Tony liked to think he didn't judge, but there was a definite ethical kink in the stuntwoman's lifestyle.
”Well, he was my G.o.d,” Leah reminded him pointedly. ”And,” she continued before he could respond, ”there've been benefits on my side over the years. Like... the years. And a certain...” Dark eyes gleamed. ”... vitality.”
”He slaughtered your people!”
”You're going to have to let that go,” she sighed.
”Why?”
”Because it's ancient history, it's not important, and we have bigger problems.”
”Bigger?”
”The Demonic Convergence.” Tony could hear the capital letters in her voice. ”Energies are aligning. Powerful energies. Powerful enough to crack the barriers between here and the h.e.l.ls?”
He had to agree that didn't sound good. ”h.e.l.ls? More than one?”
”Many more.”
”Well, isn't that just f.u.c.king great.” All at once, Chinese food seemed trivial. He put down his fork. ”And these energies are powerful enough to open a Demongate?”
Her hand dropped to cradle her stomach. It was the same gesture Tony'd seen pregnant women make and in this context that creeped him right out. ”Not this gate. Like I said, it's protected. New gates will be created. Okay, not really gates, more like access points that can be exploited just long enough for something to come through.”
”One to a customer?” That sounded good.
She nodded. ”But there could be hundreds of them.”
That didn't. ”Hundreds?”
”Rough estimate.” When her expression grew rea.s.suring, Tony figured he must have looked as stunned as he felt. ”But don't worry, most of these holes will only go through a few layers, just to the closest h.e.l.ls. The convergent energy has to hit the same spot over and over before we get to anything much bigger than imps.” She got up, walked into the kitchen, and set her empty plate in the sink.
Empty. She'd kept eating while she was telling him about demons, and Demongates, and slaughter. I guess she really has gotten over it. It's just a story to her now. Maybe someday the Shadowlord and the house would be just stories to him. Maybe.
Probably not. Thirty-five hundred years was a lot longer than he'd get. He watched her rinse the plate, set it on the counter, and turn to face him.
”Well?”
”Well what?”
Her expression slid from rea.s.suring to impatient. ”Don't you have questions?”
”Yeah. A couple.” Understatement. He had so many questions he could barely drag one free of the mess. ”Okay. Imps. They're not a problem?”
”Without a wizard they can be one h.e.l.l of a problem, pardon the pun, but you should be able to deal with any that manage to get through.”
”Manage to get through?”
”Didn't I tell you?” Leah's sudden smile had so much wattage behind it, her Demonlord made a brief, translucent appearance, flickering in and out again before Tony fully realized he was there. ”We'll be smoothing out reality's potholes before anything can come through. I'll find them,” she added when he shook his head, ”and you'll close them.”
”I don't know how!”
”I do.” She all but patted him on the head as she pa.s.sed on her way back to the sofa bed. ”I just needed a wizard to implement the knowledge.”